One day, every single band you've ever heard of will have their songs set to a big-budget West End musical. You want proof? OK, think of the dullest, most semi-famous band you can – you're thinking of The Proclaimers, right?
Of course you are. And guess what – there's going to be a musical based on the music of The Proclaimers soon. The Proclaimers, for Christ's sake. Those two speccy twins who shouted everything in a Scottish accent so broad that only professional translators can understand them. Not that we think that freaky ginger Scottish twins in glasses shouldn't be given their own musical, of course. We just think that freaky ginger Scottish twins in glasses who have only really had one and a half songs that anyone can remember shouldn't be given their own musical.
It's all about the musicals these days. After the abominable Queen musical We Will Rock You started pleasing audiences by pandering vigourously to the lowest common denominator, billions of other musicals have been created in its shadow, like the Johnny Cash musical, the David Hasselhoff musical, the Elton John vampire musical, the Talking Heads/ Fatboy Slim Imelda Marcos musical, the Lord Of The Rings musical and the terrifying prospect of watching Cindy Beale from Eastenders poledancing while one of the So Solid Crew raps a song about Boney M. And musicals have even infected the television too – turn on BBC1 on a Saturday evening and you're confronted with the horrific image of Andrew Lloyd Webber's creepy, toady, constantly shifting face letching over a bunch of frightening stageschool girls singing Edelweiss.
So who can blame The Proclaimers for wanting to join these esteemed ranks? Oh, you know who The Proclaimers are – they were famous for a little while in the late 1980s for looking exactly the same and singing that 500 Miles song and some others that you've probably forgotten by now. According to The Sunday Times:
The book for the as yet un-named musical – written by the playwright Stephen Greenhorn, who created River City — is a series of three love stories set in Leith, exploring love, loss, identity and belonging.They take place around well-known hits penned by the twin brothers, including I’m Gonna Be (500 miles), Letter from America, Sunshine on Leith and Let’s Get Married, as well as a number of lesser-known album tracks. The idea was dreamt up by Dundee Rep’s artistic director James Brining and Greenhorn. “Dundee Rep has a great track record of producing musicals and I really loved the idea of writing one,” said Greenhorn. “I thought about working with a composer and considered other Scottish bands but it just wasn’t working. Then one night I sat down and listened to the Proclaimers and realised that was the obvious choice.
Since the Proclaimers musical doesn't even exist yet, we can only guess what crazy adventures the characters will get up to – although we're willing to bet our house that at least two of the following things happen in the Proclaimers musical:
* Two characters get engaged and then sing Let's Get Married
* One character leaves to go to America, prompting this exchange: "Will you send me a letter?" "What, a LETTER FROM AMERICA?"
* There's a discussion about how far each character would be able to walk. The winner in the man who say he'll be able to walk "I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more," even though most people would have just said "I would walk 1,000 miles" and since it was a hypothetical conversation anyway, someone else could have just said they'd walk 1,001 miles and beat them.
What you really want to know – admit it – is what The Proclaimers think of having their songs turned into an earnest-sounding musical. Here's what The Proclaimers said. Both at the the same time. While making unflinching eye contact and reminding everyone from the twins from The Shining. Probably:
“We are surprised and delighted a theatre company of the quality of Dundee Rep have decided to make a musical using our songs. It is something we have been discussing for some time and we are very excited about it.”
Next week: that band you saw once in a pub when you were drunk that may have featured someone from One True Voice get their own musical too.
Read more:
It's Gonna Be Proclaimers: The Musical – Sunday Times
[story by Stuart Heritage]