Have you ever wanted to look like Teri Hatcher? No, us neither – although we would like our lips to look like Teri Hatcher's lips. Nothing else, though – you can keep the granny-claws and dangle-boobs, thanks.
So many other people want lips like Teri Hatcher's – essentially normal-looking lips that have kissed Superman – that Teri Hatcher was signed up to be the face and mouth of lip-plumper product Hydroderm. However, Hydroderm says that Teri Hatcher broke her contract by also promoting rival lip-plumper product City Lips, and is suing her for it. However, Teri Hatcher's lips aren't taking this sort of nonsense sitting down, so Teri Hatcher is publicly declaring that she didn't breach any kind of contract.
This is big news, folks, probably the biggest news of the day that you can't even bring yourself to giving even half of a mouse's left bollock about.
Admit it, you want Teri Hatcher's lips. We want Teri Hatcher's too, but only so long as they're sawn off and put in a jar first. We'd hate for them still to be attached to Teri Hatcher when we get them. Her voice sort of annoys us.
But so many people also want Teri Hatcher's lips that they'd be just as happy to make their own lips look like Teri Hatcher's – and for that they'd need Hydroderm lip plumper, the product that signed Teri up to be its public face in 2005. You must have seen the Hydroderm adverts – the ones of Teri Hatcher crying and stumbling around a crockery shop knocking dinner-sets off shelves with her gigantic lips that make her look as if someone tried to force-feed her a bright-red bouncy castle before getting bored halfway through and wandering off. "Hydroderm: For Making People Think You Can't Speak Properly," that was the slogan. You must have seen them.
Anyway, as we reported earlier in the week, Hydroderm is suing Teri Hatcher for breach of contract because it claims that Hatcher was also promoting City Lips lip plumper at the same time, and wants $2.4 million plus $400,000 expenses back from her. But Teri Hatcher has decided to fight back, by telling the media that it's all a lot of arses, blaming. According to the Associated Press:
In his response, filed Thursday, Hatcher's attorney, Joseph Taylor, wrote that the actress did not make deals with other cosmetic companies, did "absolutely nothing wrong and has been ready, willing, able and eager" to work for Hydroderm, having participated in an all-day photo shoot and having made herself available for TV appearances.
So who's right and who's wrong here? We only wish we could care. But, for the sake of a quiet life, let's hope that Teri Hatcher wins this lawsuit, because if she stops being allowed to promote products for lip plumper then it's inevitable that she'll end up using her granny-claws and dangle-boobs to model other stuff. Granny-claws and dangle-boobs.
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Vern says
What the hell do you have against Miss Teri ? She’s the most beutiful woman I have ever seen, lips and everything else. You are jealous maybe, aye ?