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TV Review

The X Factor Week 10 Review: A Million Rocks Songs Later And Here I Am

by Sophie Hall

So, what IS rock music? Well guys, “rock” was a musical movement invented by Simon Cowell in the mid-2000s. A genre that was ostensibly about dancing but was in fact a thinly-veiled allusion to sex culminating from 50s blues riffs and a 4/4 beat utilizing a verse chorus form. To further delve into this cultural [...]

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X Factor Week 9 Review: You Can’t Hurry Love-Themed 2 Hour X Factor Programmes

by Sophie Hall

Hey guys. The X Factor’s still on. But that’s totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, [...]

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X Factor Week 8 Review: American Weird Stuff in London

by Sophie Hall

Before we begin, we just want to say one thing. We’re sorry.  No, listen. WE’RE sorry. Remember how you watched The X Factor for 2 and a half hours on Saturday? Well we’re going to tell you about that in quite an unnecessary amount of detail now. And what’s more, you’re going to like it. [...]

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TV Review: Mary Portas Opens A Shop To Cry In

by Robin Darke

There’s always someone on TV spouting some fashion related twaddle about upcoming Autumn/Winter looks and how on-trend leggings are, and they’re generally all giant weeping arseholes. If it isn’t Gok Wan molesting women and masquerading it as appreciation of the female form then it’s that nad-less Mark Heyes spouting how great different shades of red [...]

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Dragon’s Den: With Royal Approval

by Jacki Evans

This week’s Dragons Den came with the royal seal of approval. Except that it didn’t. It came with a man who’d sent a board game to the Queen, got a letter of thanks, and then got a bit confused and thought this meant she loved him. And that was just one of the interludes. Actual [...]

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Dragon’s Den: It’s Not X Factor (But Still Better Than Big Brother)

by Jacki Evans

This weekend may have been the weekend that all the reality shows returned all at once, but it wasn’t all crazy excitement and Gary Barlow. No, Dragon’s Den was still plodding along on a Sunday night, parading a different class of idiot in front of us. Idiots who think they can invent and do business, [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Fights! Drugs! Fire Walking!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello Soap Fans! Have a good week? No? Brilliant. We hope you’re all miserable. It’s time to find out what’s happening in the land of made up people this week and you can be grateful that you won’t have to gaze upon anyone dressed as a Pearly Queen ever again. Well except our editor Mof [...]

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Dragon’s Den: More Rubbish Than Usual

by Jacki Evans

This week on Dragon’s Den, it was rubbish ideas week. More rubbish than usual, that is. The most exciting idea was a way to solve premature fence failure, which sadly, isn’t nearly as dirty as it sounds. hecklerspray just heard “premature” and got all excited. That’ll teach us. Before we got to the premature boys [...]

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Dragon’s Den: We’ve Just Remembered To Pay Attention

by Jacki Evans

Apparently a new series of Dragon’s Den started last week. hecklerspray wasn’t paying attention though, so whilst the rest of the country was staring in horror at new Dragon Hilary Devey’s face and wondering who she stole it from, we were completely oblivious. But it’s ok, because we’ve caught up now and her face is [...]

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Britain’s Got Talent Is One Big Simon Cowell Fix Says Unreliable Anonymous Source

by Mof Gimmers

It’s a small miracle that people who watch The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent think it’s a level playing field, when the shows are quite clearly as choreographed as WWE events. They’re not based in competition, rather, the drama of perceived competition. They are, first and foremost, television programmes: scripted, edited to within an [...]

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