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The Apprentice

Stuart ‘The Brand’ Baggs Gets His Own ‘I’m A Field Of Ponies’ T-Shirt To Celebrate #theapprentice

by hecklerspray staff

“Everything I touch turns to sold” Stuart ‘The Brand’ Baggs has been a rich source of televisual gold while he’s been on The Apprentice. It is obvious he should have been given the boot ages ago, but the producers clearly know when they’re onto a good thing. Anyone who can say “Excuse me Sir, you [...]

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The Apprentice Week 10: Lord Whatever Rhymes With Sugar

by Justrestingmyeyes

Only six remain rattling around the Apprentice townhouse. They should probably show some of that entreprenurial spirit they all claim to have in spades and sub-let some of the empty rooms. Although the cost of the exorcism to remove the still lingering spirits of Melissa’s tortured vowels, not to mention the peroxide stains, could make that plan financially unviable. What [...]

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Apprentice Week 9: Spunking Cash Up The Wall

by Kris Silver

If there’s one thing this nation needs more of, its smug gits in business attire spunking away money that isn’t theirs whilst being rewarded with lavish amounts of champagne and opportunities to stab those who have irked them squarely between the shoulders. Yes, that’s right, it’s week 9 of The Apprentice! This week everyone’s favourite [...]

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Apprentice Week 8: Once You Baggs, You Just Can’t Spaggs

by Justrestingmyeyes

Sound the alarm bells: it’s happening again. Remember when EastEnders went to Ireland, and tripped over a donkey riding a drunk leprechaun through a field of paramilitary heather? Expect similar cultural sensitivities this week. For God’s sake, don’t mention the Hoff – The Apprentice goes to Germany! “Good morning!” chirruped a flip-flopped Jamie irritatingly into [...]

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Apprentice Week Seven: DVD’oh!

by Justrestingmyeyes

We’re dreamers here at hecklerspray. We may be down here, happy, puttering along in the gutter, pouncing on celebrity gossip and devouring it like a tramp on chips, but our minds are soaring high up in the skies. What if one day…we could go on a roller-coaster or drive a racing car? Toot toot! Or [...]

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Alan Sugar Wants You To Stop Remembering The Dead And Buy His Bladdy Book

by Matthew Laidlow

America has tycoons such as Steve Jobs and Bill Gates who have changed the world with their unique inventions. From products that are full of glitches and hardware that’s incompatible with basic software such as Flash, we truly salute our American chums. The UK might not have might such an impact, but we have got [...]

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Apprentice week 6: Hasta La Vista, Dignity

by Justrestingmyeyes

Thank heavens, it’s the advertising task! The task that previously brought you the creeping horror that was Pantsman is finally here, and along the way we learn a whole host of fun new phrases, find out where flu is from, and destroy feminism in 30 seconds. Hooray for the advertising task! Throw your hats gaily [...]

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Apprentice Week 5: Handbags And Sadrags

by Justrestingmyeyes

Fashion, eh? What a load of old balls! Take a bit of cotton nonsense, made for a couple of quid, and sell it for millions. What’s that got to do with big business? Thus spoke the Brand himself, Stuart Baggs, utterly missing the point of what all business has ever been about since the first [...]

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The Apprentice Week 4: Unnovations

by Justrestingmyeyes

One of the great pleasures of a Sunday, apart from legitimately calling a Bloody Mary breakfast and eating huge hunks of gravy-drenched meat to stave off the encroaching, screeching horror of the Monday morning alarm, is the Sunday papers. And once you’ve caught up on which footballer diddled which model and at what level of [...]

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The Apprentice Week 2: Bikinis And Bickering In The Boardroom

by Kris Silver

The first episode of this year’s Apprentice introduced us to a brand new batch of cocky, self-aggrandising and incompetent suits with mouths, all of whom are willing to trample over anyone who gets in their way to get the job as Lord Sugar’s apprentice. This week we saw our two teams of pinstriped egos having [...]

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