On the set of Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol, Tom Cruise thought he’d go and do a nice thing for Simon Pegg – talk to him like he knew who he was. And what did they talk about? What any celebrity would talk about of course!

Soiled undercrackers!

That’s right. Tom Cruise and Simon Pegg talked about nappies, teaming with faecal matter while playing make-believe like big, hairy and very stupid children. Meanwhile, everyone else presumably looked on wondering if Cruise was trying to recruit someone for Scientology because he’s bang into that alien guff isn’t he?

Talking about what (some of the things) Tom spoke about on set, Simon said:

‘We talked a lot about fatherhood. Stuff like what nappies you buy, teaching your kid to ride a bike. Ordinary stuff.’

No aliens then? No Thetan whatsit?

Well. Maybe. See, Simon ‘You liked him better when he seemed nice in Spaced, rather than this diamond eyed careerist in Hollywood’ Pegg  revealed that, when he was feeling blue and homesick, Cruise would offer to stay late and keep him company.

Pegg got all dewy eyed, adding:

‘He is kind of superhuman. I mean, he’s incredibly good-looking. He’s a very good actor. He’s built. He’s 49 and looks 32. He is beyond criticism.

‘He’s at the top despite the cynical beatings that he receives. It’s because he conducts himself properly. If you start believing all that c**p about how important you are, that’s when you stop working, because nobody wants to work with an a***hole.’

Sounds like someone has totally been converted, eh?

Tom Cruise took off as Maverick in Top Gun over 25 years ago and now, in a bid to distract us from his peculiar religious/cult* views, he’s saying that he might be taking to the air again in Top Gun 2.

Obviously, Hollywood is clean out of fresh ideas at the moment.

Cruise is currently promoting his fourth Mission: Impossible film, and he’s told MTV that there’s been discussions with Top Gun director Tony Scott and producer Jerry Bruckheimer about revisiting the film which Quentin Tarantino thinks is about being gay.

Cruise said, while everyone glared at him thinking about nothing other than Scientology:

“I said to Tony, I want to make another movie with him… Tony and I and Jerry, we never thought that we would do it again. Then they started to come to us with these ideas of where it is now. I thought, ‘Wow, that would be… what we could do now’”

Come up with a new idea and not rest on your laurels perhaps?

He continued:

“If we can find a story that suits what we all want to do… we all want to make a film that is in the same kind of tone as the other one and shoot it in the same way as we shot ‘Top Gun.’”

Of course, this is all dependent on whether there’s an appetite for Tom Cruise by the time its takes this project to get off the ground.

We all know that he’s nowhere near as loved as he was, pre-alien bothery.

*Let’s just clear this ‘cult’ thing up, lest Scientology get all jumpy about it all. Basically, Scientology sees itself as a religion. We see all religions as cults. So, far from trying to discredit Scientology, we’re actually discrediting all religion as a load of bunkum. Soz ‘ard.

The celebrity autobiography is a funny thing. For example, Geri Halliwell has fourteen of them out and Katie Price, a whopping 5,460 biographies written in her best joined-up handwriting. Even Justin Bieber has three biogs out, even though he’s only a matter of weeks old.

And so, the next kid to get a book deal is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, Suri, and she’s only five years old!

Five years old! She can barely wipe her own hoon, let alone manipulate a quill. Still, maybe daddy’s alien friends can give her secret powers to overcome that little obstacle called age?

Of course, no-one is stupid enough to offer Suri Cruise a biography deal (or maybe they are? Some of the worst scum you’ll meet work in publishing don’t they? Apart from any watching who want to give hecklerspray some ill-advised book deal so we can release a Beano-style Christmas annual, eh?) so what’s going on?

Well, it’s been reported that Suri is to write a children’s book.

This makes sense because, at 5, you’ve really not experienced the world enough to write a Danielle Steele novel or some kind of spy-thriller.

Apparently, some utterly unreliable source informs the world’s press, she’s already written it and Tom and Katie think it’s ‘so good, they plan to publish it when she’s finished.’

Some other source who probably hasn’t met The Cruises, adds:

‘Not only is Suri writing the book, she’s also working on all the illustrations.’

E! News say that a representative for Tom and Katie have denied the report, but we’ve gone and written all this anyway. Seriously. This is what it’s like being a gossip writer.

This is the second week of us throwing open the floodgates of the internet to you people. Seen something exciting, interesting, plain weird or even just funny enough to draw a snort of laughter from Christopher Biggins? Well, give Dep Ed Michael a shout and he’ll put them in here and allow people to bask in your browsing glory.

10. Oldie-but-a-goodie this week comes from @sianrosanna. It’s Cake Wrecks.

9. Here’s a good old BBC show by Jonathan Meades in which he goes around Scotland’s football towns. The ones that wouldn’t show up on a Sat Nav.

8. @CheShA knows as well as we do that you all want to see Captain Kirk’s masculine fighting style. Why not learn it yourself?

7. Baseball! Everyone’s heard of it, thanks to Kevin Costner’s awareness-raising film ‘Field Of Dreams’ but what’s it actually all about? Who gives a flying spanner? @_Cabble found this video of the World Series logo flying out of an umpire’s arse. BEAT THAT, CRICKET!

6. You lot really adore kittens, don’t you? Is it their inability to grasp grammar or their cute, fuzzy faces? Who cares. @Janikakakaka sent in some kittens on album covers.

5. In what could be a confession, @jacksonliam sent us this story about a man that wants to spill his filthy man-seed in every Starbucks in New York. That’s 298 Starbucks.

4. @MelReeve told us about badly placed stickers. We can’t help but feel some of these may have been deliberate.

3. Life! Death! Top Tips! We can’t remember who sent us this but it’s bloody great.

2. Our favourite Republican nuthouse Herman Cain has gone on Jimmy Kimmel Live to say he hasn’t been touching women up. He didn’t. Republicans don’t believe it. It makes them horny.

1. A review of Immortals by @JM_Underwood. To be fair, he didn’t send this to us because that would be massively narcissistic and we don’t encourage that kind of nonsense here. We can’t ever show you it though. Because the film is so laughably terrible, John’s review was removed from the site under the terms of the embargo. Here at hecklerspray, we’re not bound by that embargo so we’d like to say, not only is Immortals a terrible film but we demand justice for John’s review.

From now on, Webthump will be a collection of the best things that you, yes you, the readers have found on the internet. Exciting stuff!

All you have to do to get your name in lights is tweet the best thing you’ve seen on the internet recently at our scumbag deputy ed Michael (@GreatCollapso). It’s as simple as that.

Let’s get started then, shall we?

10. Ever wondered what Suri Cruise thinks of the world of fashion? Err… well… you can find out here. (Thanks to @sianrosanna)

9. The cast & crew of Doctor Who do I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers. We desperately wanted to hate it but… y’know… (Cheers @zoefell)

8. Yes, that’s right folks, it’s another fucking cat video. In this one, a tiny ickle kitten has a nightmare. D’awwwwww. (Sent in by @Tasty_Face)

7. There’s a face… in a TESTICULAR TUMOUR?! (Uncertain thanks to @_Cabble)

6. Sure, Hallowe’en might be long gone but that doesn’t mean we can’t show you Pumpkin Zombies. (A?i?, @abitof)

5. Here’s a proposal for some kittens in an office or something. The internet fucking loves kittens. (via Some Chump)

4. David Thorne of 27b/6 just won’t stop tormenting poor ol’ Simon. It’s just like Ricky Gervais & Karl Pilkington. Only funny. (Sent in by @OrlaDoherty)

3. Are you a nob’ead? You might not be, it’s not really any of our business. Still, watch this video. (Much obliged, @CheShA)

2. Number two will forever be dedicated to Herman Cain until the day he either dies or takes over the world. The mad bastard has warned people to keep an eye on China- they might be developing nuclear weapons. (Danke schoen @thermoso)

1. Without a doubt, the current best thing on the internet is a spoof twitter account for Shippam’s Paste. Mmmmmmm tasty paste. (Tip of the hat to @RebeccaWho)

How would you describe Katie Holmes? Attractive? Wholesome? Trapped in a loveless marriage to a man who controls her every action, safe in the knowledge that aliens told him to do it because he’s the chosen one?

No?

How about ‘Pumpkin slut’? Go on, say it out loud. It has a lovely ring to it and rolls off the tongue nicely. Slutty pumpkin! Tarty lantern! Halloween hussy! That’s right kids, the witching hour is near and Holmes is going to get all promiscuous.

We suppose some apologies should be given to Katie’s owner, Tom Cruise.

We’re not actually accusing the mother of your child of cheating on you while wearing a giant vegetable on her head (although, this is a very specific interest of ours and if you have any photos you’d like to swap with us, do get in touch), but rather, talking about a job she’s taken.

Apparently, Mrs. Cruise has been allowed out of the house long enough to get herself a nice part-time job and she’s agreed to play a promiscuous Jack-O-Lantern in a Halloween special of the pretty lousy (but not oddly likeable) How I Met Your Mother.

You know the one. The one with Dougie Howser in and that guy from Forgetting Sarah Jessica Parker or whatever it was called.

If you didn’t know – and why would you? You have the attention span of a nauseous gnat – the Slutty Pumpkin is a character that is wheeled out as a potential love interest Ted, to be bumped into at a Halloween party.

Or something. We weren’t paying attention either.

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Hey! Katie Holmes is married to slab of prime thetan, Tom Cruise. As you know, they’re both Scientologists, which makes them certifiably mad. Don’t argue. This is just a fact that’s as plain as the nose on your weird alien-believing face.

Of course, mad people have a myriad of odd symptoms and behavioural patterns. One such thing is to marry a man half your height.

Another is being afraid of an absence of light. That’s right! Katie Holmes is scared of the dark and probably screams in terror every time she blinks. That’s because she’s mental. We pointed that out already didn’t we?

So what scared Katie Holmes so much? Did she realise that, in the dark, Tom Cruise could be sleeping beside her with his weird staring eyes open?

No. It’s lamer than that. She’s frightened of a film she’s been in.

That’s right. She is scared of the dark after being a film she has read the script for over and over until it’s so familiar to her, she can recite the lines from it by heart.

Because of the remake of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (also starring Guy Pearce), she now has to sleep with the light on like she’s some kind of stupid baby.

Katie admits:

“I usually sleep with the lights on. When I read this script, I was scared and I had to turn on all the lights in my house.

“I thought I heard noises. And I held my child really close.

Still, nothing is as terrifying as Tom Cruise entering you and giving you his seed while shouting “THIS ONE’S FOR HUBBARD!”

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Katie Holmes may well be wealthy and successful, but that doesn’t stop the entire world pitying her. For starters, she’s in the unfortunate position of being married to Supreme Thetan, Tom Cruise AND she’s no doubt aware that everyone laughs at her because she’s one of those women who towers over her beau.

And so, to stop us from thinking that she’s a dead-eyed Scientologist with a head filled with quasi-religious gunk, she’s decided to act like One Of The Girls by talking about her knickers.

Because talking about your underpants in public isn’t peculiar at all is it? Nope. Not one bit. UNLESS YOU’RE SOME KIND OF GUSSET OBSESSED NUTTER THAT IS.

So why is Holmes talking about her scads? Well, she’s on the cover of InStyle’s August edition, and no, we’ve never got ’round to reading the publication either. It’s probably the kind of tat that gives away free cheapo sunglasses and Piz Buin flavoured biscuits or something.

Anyway, Katie features in the mag, cooing about underwear in a desperate attempt to not talk about her dodgy beliefs and her dung-brained husband who is probably preparing some underground lair filled with insect royalty who will devour non-believers like us Cometh The Hour.

Basically, nice undercrackers are her favourite thing. She likes them more than she likes L. Ron Hubbard.

“They make you feel special when you put them on in the morning.”

This is particularly useful when you have a husband who doesn’t make you feel special, ever.

“Even when I was a little girl I loved my ‘days of the week’ pairs. I love the hot pink ones, that makes my day!”

See? So devoid of joy is Holmes, that pink gruds are the only thing that make her day seem worthwhile enough to plod through. She invariably stares at them, all laid out on her bed and meekly smiles saying “At least you guys will never belittle me with talk of alien rulers.”

Be sure to pelt Tom Cruise with pink, soiled knickers if you should bump into him at your local corner shop. It’s the only way the message of Katie Holmes enormous depression is ever going to get through to him.

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Tom Cruise is a Scientlogist. That’s all he is now. He used to be an actor and pin-up, but now he’s just a religious nutter, the same as all the other religious nutters around the world. As such, no-one really trusts him anymore.

That’s not stopped people wanting to hire him for films though, as it has been reported that he’s to star in a post-apocalyptic, film called Oblivion.

It would appear that our Tom is more than happy to believe in the aliens that birthed his make-believe religious group but, alas, also happy to chase them around and kill them in the name of movie making.

The film will be directed by Tron: Legacy big-cheese Joseph Kosinski and will be set on a barren Earth, with all the humans living in the clouds above.

Of course, Tommy boy won’t be having a nice time in the sky with all the meek. He’ll be a perfectly toothed soldier who finds himself on Earth with some aliens to kill.

We suspect there’ll be a beautiful woman involved in some way, hired with Tom’s approval (which effectively means that she’ll be shorter than him, making her a dwarf of some kind – we’re hoping for Jeanette Krankie).

Either way, it doesn’t really matter because no-one will end up watching the thing, for fear of the story being some kind of naked propaganda for the Church of Scientology.

No-one wants that, apart from the dead-hearted swine who sign up to such things.*

(*Scientologists, please note – we reserve the same mocking sneers for all religions, especially Catholicism, so don’t start complaining about being single out and picked on, okay? Complain to your Thetan friends about how unfunny our jokes are instead, okay?)

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We’re not ashamed to admit we quite like Rob Lowe. We’ve forgiven him all that St. Elmo’s Fire pretty-boy nonsense now that he’s starting to look agreeably rumpled, he was good at striding down corridors and talking quickly on the West Wing and we’re impressed with his surprisingly good comic timing.

And be honest with yourselves – if you had the opportunity to simultaneously have sex with two members of the opposite gender, you’d make bloody sure you video-taped the event as well.

Although probably best to make sure they’re both of legal age and not let the tape get leaked to the press or anything. But do you know what we really like about him? He chinned Tom Cruise!

We would pay good money to have seen the moment when Lowe ‘accidentally’ launched the tiny, squinty-eyed chipmunk-toothed king of boring films Tom Cruise during the rehearsal of a fight scene on the set of 1983 movie The Outsiders.

What we don’t understand is why he’s only mentioning it now. We’d have been shouting it from the rooftops for the past 28 years. According to Rob, after ‘accidentally’ smacking Tom Cruise:

“We all beat the living s**t out of one another. We really did. I got one clean shot on Tom, and Tom is such a competitive lunatic – which is what I love about him – but the next thing you know he’s ready to kill me!”

It’s unclear who came out the better of this, as Rob went on to perplexingly state:

“He’s a whole lot of guy. It’s like the United States and China right now. If you treat China like a foe surely she will become one. It was all good.”

Really, Rob? Like, what?

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Life’s got to be pretty damn dull when you’re a celebrity spawn. Once you’ve got used to the endless procession of uncles with big flashy cameras that Mummy is so fond of twirling about in front of, and the endless procession of nannies that Daddy keeps disappearing to the toilet with and making squeak like your Upsy Daisy doll, there can’t be much to hold your attention through those tender pre-school years before you can develop enough vocabulary to do your own reality show pitch.

So kudos to cute little Hubbard Reincarnated/utterly normal child Suri Cruise for making her own entertainment, by cleverly satirising the media whirlwind surrounding her mega-famous family unit through the medium of sweeties!

Yes, sweeties. Shut up and bear with us.

The story appears to be as follows: famously-married-of-her-own-free-will towering pixie Katie Holmes somehow managed to drag her be-manacled feet and genius child into a New York ice cream parlour to enjoy a few minutes of sugary solitude between entirely voluntary hourly personality tests. And Suri saw the paps, saw the sweeties; saw her moment to make the statement of the year.

As Mummy Winsome explains within the earshot of gaudy noseyparkers Heatworld:

We go in and we are waiting for a table and she grabs some gummies that are boy part gummies. I was horrified.

Boy part? So, what, shaped like Bs? Or Ys? Or maybe Os, which would be considerably easier to produce from a manufacturing point of view, which is important to think about in these tightened financial times? Nonsense!

They are called p-e-n-i-s gummies and they look like it. She was holding the box and I was like, “OK, wow, we don’t need that right now.”

Oh, yeah. She went for it. In front of the massed photographers of all the idiot lady-rotting magazines of the northern hemisphere, Suri went for the big box full of cocks.

You know what you’re itching to say right now, don’t you? Course you do. You can barely help yourself. It’s there, dancing round the tip of your tongue like unspoken words of love that burn through your soul but remain forever unexpressed. Man up. Just say it. “Got a liking for a crate of schlongs, eh? Ha! Like father, like…”

But no! Don’t you dare! Suri is far too clever for you. She may paw at the packet of porkswords. But she will do it with a cloak of irony, knowing that it’s the perfect gag, that we snark-laden schmucks will not be able to resist drawing comparisons, because her dad is Tom Cruise! And…therefore…has a penis, because he is a man, and there is no more comparison to be drawn between the two!

See? See how good she is? Not content with her mastery of the effect of the jellied John Thomas, she then went on to screw up her adorable eyes, squeeze with all her might, and pop a perfectly representative review of Daddy’s recent and upcoming film career into her big girl pants. Eat your heart out, Chris Morris.

Anyway, Suri – you’ve got talent, kid. Should you ever want a job at hecklerspray, let us know; we can shove the Henry round the bedsit to clear out the thetans and install tin foil on the walls. At least it’ll give you a chance to get away from the sobbing of your dear old giant of a mum.

Sobbing from happiness. That’s almost definitely a real emotion. Don’t sue us…

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Tom Cruise has denied that he’s nightly bathing in the blood of virginal $cientology converts, in order to stave off the ravages of age. That’s probably a wise denial, if ever we heard one.

Tom turned 48 years old on July 3rd. As is customary at this time of year, a painting in his attic gains a new wrinkle while the actor ages about one month out of the last 12.

Rather than admit to his fairly obvious Benjamin Button-style witchery, Tom claims that his four-year-old daughter is the key to him staying young. Yeah. Admitting to feeding off the soul of your child is much better than just admitting to anything else nefarious. Well played, Tom. Well played.

There are a couple of things that seem off here. Not least because this is only one of the ways in which he’s favouring his biological daughter over his two adopted children; many forget he has two older adopted children – Connor, 15, and Isabella, 17. However, Suri is pretty obviously his favourite – as demonstrated by his feeding off her soul and not those of his teenagers.

From Bild, as translated by People magazine:

Age is only a number – especially as far as Tom Cruise is concerned. Last month, the actor turned 48, but the father of three admits to having a secret for staying young.  “I love all my children, but Suri is my fountain of youth,” Cruise tells the German magazine Bild about his 4-year-old daughter with his adoring wife Katie Holmes. “We jump on the trampoline together.”

Sure, Tom. You love them equally. That’s why Suri and you will live forever, like the paler members of the True Blood cast, and the adopted kids/ wife/ ex-wife/ whoever else will succumb to the ageing process.

In related news, did you know that little Suri’s powers extend to mind control? Not only is she the human elixir of life, she can also control her mother with the precision of a puppet master. Either that or Katie Holmes just plain has no discernible mind of her own. More likely the latter, now that we think about it.

From NY Magazine, with whom Katie did a cover story:

[Suri] says, “I want this sleeve cut,” and it’s like, “Okay, we’ll cut it.” She picks out all of her own clothes and has since she was 1½. Tom and I went to the Met ball a couple of years ago, and I had this beautiful red gown and these royal-blue shoes that I wasn’t planning on wearing, but Suri made me put them on and so I was like, “Okay, I trust you.”

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so hooray for that

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Katie Holmes’ womb is marginally more famous than she, so let’s examine it for a moment.

Katie’s womb rose to fame when it gestated Suri Cruise in 2006. The latest rumours about Katie’s womb suggest that it may be forced to harbour a second baby, against its will. That would technically be against Katie’s will also, but no one really cares about that.

Katie has been an empty shell of a human being – little more than a pretty, Scientology vessel – since she clapped eyes on Tom Cruise in 2005. They hooked up that Spring, and have been required under the tenants of their religion to be joined at the hip ever since.

Tom should logically have been the one who took the backseat in the relationship; his comparatively giant, glassy-eyed wife need only have been knocked over by a strong breeze and fallen for the actor to meet his end. However, the couple’s whole life seems heavily dictated by Tom. The Top Gun actor’s alleged latest fancy is another baby.

There have been a ton of reports about Katie enduring further hours of a kind of religious therapy called auditing. The assumption made – because she went through some of the same rituals with Suri – is that she’s either pregnant or will be very soon as the couple are trying.

OK! Magazine is reporting that Tom wants to pass on his demon seed, to heck with his existing kids or his long-suffering wife.

From OK! Magazine:

Worried that his little girl Suri Cruise, 3, might be lonely, Tom Cruise wants to have another child with Katie Holmes as soon as possible, a source tells OK!  “Katie is a doting mom,” the source says, “but Tom feels Suri has no idea what it’s like to play with kids her own age.” A friend of the couple confirms: “Tom and Katie are definitely planning, but he’s said [getting pregnant] has to be Katie’s decision.”

Tom has an adopted son, Connor, about whom most people forget. However, the star is rumoured to want a biological son to inherit his great hair and winning smile. We’re sure this news is doing wonders for Connor’s self esteem.

Tom wants a boy, the friend says. “Though they love [his adopted son] Connor, Tom must want a biological son to pass on the gene pool.” The friend says that while Katie’s not following the Scientology detox that promotes conception, they could be expecting “as early as the summer.”

This was a guest blog by Amy Grindhouse. Bloody YAY!

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Good news Suri Cruise – before too long, you’ll stop being the smallest member of the Cruise family.

That’s because soon you’ll be four, and you’ll tower above your dad. More relevantly, though, it’s also because Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are doing all they can to have another child next year. Presumably that involves having sex with each other and not simply exchanging vials of bodily fluid after a series of protracted financial negotiations between their lawyers, but you never know, do you?

Anyway, let’s hope this baby doesn’t disrupt Katie Holmes’s unbroken run of hit movies like, oh, um… oh, we’re not really fooling anyone here, are we?

Childbirth is a wonderful, sacred thing. There are just so many aspects of it to cherish – the religion-enforced silence, for starters. And the delicious metallic taste of placenta. And, oh, the part afterwards where you get to hide the baby away from everyone until they start believing that the whole pregnancy was a giant hoax. It’s magical.

So no wonder Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes want to have another baby next year. Well, when we say that we mean that Tom Cruise wants another bay and Katie Holmes has accepted a large sum of money to allow that to happen. Or something. That’s what OK! seems to suggest, since the cover of its latest edition screams ‘$75 MILLION FOR BABY #2′. It reports:

OK! can exclusively report that the Cruises have reached a deal on expanding their family: While right now work is her first priority, which Tom doesn’t always agree with, Katie plans to get pregnant sometime in the next year. “She no longer feels like she’s just Mrs. Cruise. She’s her own person again,” a pal tells OK! of the couple’s decision.

Quite right. Katie Holmes should be able to be her own person. Work needs to come first – any old idiot can have a baby, but can they star in Mad Money, huh? Can they dick about for about three seconds in a single episode of Eli Stone? No. Not they can’t. That sort of stuff is only for the special people.

Anyway, congratulations to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. They’ll be relieved to know that raising your second child is always much easier than raising your first. You already own all the educational My First Xenu dolls, for instance. And you won’t need to buy another set of shackles to keep the tot firmly in place of the giant screen in your basement that broadcasts high-intensity Scientology propaganda on an unrelenting loop 24 hours a day. It’ll be a walk in the park, honest.

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10 – GO HERE NOW! A man’s about to fly across the Atlantic on a jetpack, and you can watch it here - Challenge

9 – Dogs. Dressed as bees. Read that again. DOGS DRESSED AS BEARS! Consider your mind BLOWN – Beedogs

8 - The worst I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here line-up in history – Interestment

7 - Ever hear the one about the cosmetic products made out of Peruvian peasants? No? – SlantedScience

6 - Sarah Palin meets Sarah Palin at a Sarah Palin book signing. Quite possibly what the end of the world looks like – Bestweekever

5 - Planning to rob a bank any time soon? Then have WE got a disguise idea for YOU! – Geekologie

4 – Suri Cruise: adorable but freezing – AmyGrindhouse

3 - Inside The Actor’s Studio: Daniella Westbrook – Watchwithmothers

2 - The Sugababes have had a rough old time of it lately, but at least they’re up to speed with Windows 7. Like watching three pretty monkeys try to work the Large Hadron Collider – MyChemicalToilet

1 – Florence And The Machine. In France. In 1963. Really…