The celebrity autobiography is a funny thing. For example, Geri Halliwell has fourteen of them out and Katie Price, a whopping 5,460 biographies written in her best joined-up handwriting. Even Justin Bieber has three biogs out, even though he’s only a matter of weeks old.
And so, the next kid to get a book deal is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, Suri, and she’s only five years old!
Five years old! She can barely wipe her own hoon, let alone manipulate a quill. Still, maybe daddy’s alien friends can give her secret powers to overcome that little obstacle called age?
Of course, no-one is stupid enough to offer Suri Cruise a biography deal (or maybe they are? Some of the worst scum you’ll meet work in publishing don’t they? Apart from any watching who want to give hecklerspray some ill-advised book deal so we can release a Beano-style Christmas annual, eh?) so what’s going on?
Well, it’s been reported that Suri is to write a children’s book.
This makes sense because, at 5, you’ve really not experienced the world enough to write a Danielle Steele novel or some kind of spy-thriller.
Apparently, some utterly unreliable source informs the world’s press, she’s already written it and Tom and Katie think it’s ‘so good, they plan to publish it when she’s finished.’
Some other source who probably hasn’t met The Cruises, adds:
‘Not only is Suri writing the book, she's also working on all the illustrations.’
E! News say that a representative for Tom and Katie have denied the report, but we’ve gone and written all this anyway. Seriously. This is what it’s like being a gossip writer.