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Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest To Possibly Inherit Larry King’s Swivel-Chair Throne

by Shawn Lindseth

Larry King has been interviewing people with bad posture since he was two.

That is to say his posture is poor – that of his guests is nothing less than perfect. They all sit there straight-backed with pinkies extended while flipping through etiquette books and properly addressing each piece of silverware. King’s got a cooking show, right? No?

But as we said – King’s been at this interviewing business for some time now – on his current show since 1985 if our sources are correct. But he can’t keep at it forever you know. If he’s ever going to dedicate himself to making more Jewish/Mormon hybrids he’s gotta act fast. He’s getting older – soon his ovarian tubes will shrivel, drying his man-milk reservoir to an endless low. Before long, for baby making he’ll have to rely solely on fluids drawn from Lake Michigan, which has a one-partspoo three-parts water ratio.

And when he retires, who do you think will have the hunched-at-a-desk prowess, the swivel-chair stamina and the never-ending suspender collection to replace him?

Why, Ryan Seacrest, apparently.

Larry King has been interviewing people with bad posture since he was two. That is to say his posture is poor – that of his guests is nothing less than perfect. They all sit there straight-backed with pinkies extended while flipping through etiquette books and properly addressing each piece of silverware. King's got a cooking show, right? No? But as we said – King’s been at this interviewing business for some time now – on his current show since 1985 if our sources are correct. But he can’t keep at it forever you know. If he’s ever going to dedicate himself to making more Jewish/Mormon hybrids he’s gotta act fast. He’s getting older – soon his ovarian tubes will shrivel, drying his man-milk reservoir to an endless low. Before long, for baby making he’ll have to rely solely on fluids drawn from Lake Michigan, which has a one-partspoo three-parts water ratio. And when he retires, who do you think will have the hunched-at-a-desk prowess, the swivel-chair stamina and the never-ending suspender collection to replace him? Why, Ryan Seacrest, apparently.
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Gary Busey Tries To Explain His Berserk Oscars Weird-Out

by Stuart Heritage

Chances are you’ve woken up after a night out in the past and thought “Oh God, what did I do last night?”

And if that stuff you did included slathering kisses up Jennifer Garner’s neck and verbally assaulting Ryan Seacrest on live global TV on the Oscars red carpet, then you probably know how Gary Busey has been feeling this week.

Except, no, you really don’t. Because Gary Busey phoned Ryan Seacrest’s radio show yesterday to explain his bizarre Oscars antics. And it turns out he’s like that all the time.

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Britney Spears Ditches Interview For Shower

by Stuart Heritage

Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key – for example, Britney wouldn’t want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower.

No, wait, our mistake – Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower.

Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.

Blackout is probably the most important album that Britney Spears will ever release, so how she goes about promoting is key - for example, Britney wouldn't want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. No, wait, our mistake - Britney Spears would want to cut a mumbled half-interview with Ryan Seacrest short to take a shower. Yesterday morning in what appears to be her only piece of actual promotion for the album that could make or break her future as an artist, Britney Spears had a telephone interview with Ryan Seacrest in which she exclusively revealed her love of cookies and how she thinks the world is slightly cruel. Then Britney abruptly cut it short to listlessly meander off to shower. Still, at least we know that Britney Spears showers now. We had wondered.
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