Humanity could soon be wiped out by couple of Mexican pigs with the sniffles. But relax, Britney Spears is on it.
If Ryan Seacrest is right, then Britney Spears plans to repopulate the planet in her image – she’s apparently pregnant again. This means, in years to come, Britney Spears will be seen as Earth’s new Eve figure – identical to the old Eve but with worse skin, madder eyes and, somehow, even fewer clothes.
Anyway, Britney Spears is reportedly pregnant again. All that Eve stuff was a distraction to stop you howling in despair like we did when we found out.
You know how most performers exist on an album/tour/album/tour cycle? Not Britney Spears. She like to mix things up, which is why she’s currently in the middle of a gruelling album/tour/baby/baby/harrowing mental breakdown/vagina/album/tour/baby/vagina/breakdown/vagina/breakdown/vagina cycle. And the sharper among you will have noticed that, since Britney Spears is currently on tour, the next stop obviously involves a baby.
So let’s cut to the chase. Despite being so overwhelmingly controlled by her father that we genuinely wouldn’t be surprised to one day catch him with his hand up her bottom, Britney Spears is apparently pregnant again. And this news comes direct from Ryan Seacrest, so it must be true. MTV reports:
Britney Spears is said to be pregnant one more time following reports from the US. American idol host Ryan Seacrest broke the alleged news on his LA radio show where he claimed he heard the information from a ‘reliable source.’
So is Britney Spears pregnant? It’s hard to say – Britney’s rep has denied it, but who are we to argue with Ryan Seacrest? And determining how pregnant Britney Spears is has got a lot harder since she cleaned up her act – it’s not like we can wait for her to get out of a car in a miniskirt and check to see if there’s a tiny pair of hands and a terrified face jutting out of her clodge any more, is it?
And also, if Britney Spears is pregnant, who’s the father? Before this alleged pregnancy was announced, Britney Spears was being linked to all kinds of men. There was one of her backing dancers, for instance, along with her tour manager, a member of Good Charlotte and her ex-husband Kevin Federline.
Having said that, though, it shouldn’t be such a hard job to work out who the dad is – it’s just a case of working out the face you’d pull if an evening of fun that you’d entered into out of nothing more than ironic curiosity had suddenly turned into a lifetime of reluctant responsibility, and then matching it with the men we listed above.
Personally, though, we’re praying that the baby belongs to Kevin Federline. Not because we’re romantic or anything – but because if it isn’t, it’ll be so mentally advanced compared to Britney’s other two children that they’ll probably end up mistaking it for a robot and killing it before it even learns to speak.
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Sig Solares says
Is Britney the best friend with famous Nadya? Sig Solares
sadie says
HEY WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE BOTH OF THOSE WOMAN ALONE ……..THERE’S ALOT MORE TO LIFE THAN TO PUT PEOPLE DOWN,WHY SHOULD YOU CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER,UNLESS OF COARSE YOU HAVE TO SUPPORT THE CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I DON’T THINK YOU COULD AFFORD IT, LOOK AT HOW YOU SUPPORT YOUESELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
matt damon says
you stupid too bitch
Sarah says
So if she’s preggo again…why would she have just added on summer tours? Like, seriosly…people need to just lay off the girl.
Casey says
In response to the comment above:
Sarah says:
April 30, 2009 at 11:38 pm
So if she
brooke says
Give Britney a break shes a person.
natta says
peopple just love to destroy someone else’s life and britney has been money makers to those gossip magazine from girls, fans and house wife who enjoy gossip.
i bought a magazine once since it had a huge little saying Britney got knocked out! and turned out it was just a stupid joke they made money from me. now a question..,., are we american that stupid or we r just some tyoe of joke those magazine and press think we are and stupid enough from them to stealk our money from putting out wrong in4.
wish there was something i can do to stop that!