Hey! The Golden Globe nominees have been announced! Isn’t that amazing? Your day just went from pretty average to spectacular on the waft of a bunch of nominations for a bunch of actors who barely know you exist!

Tip top stuff.

Two veritable strangers to us all are having a particularly good day today, namely, Ryan Gosling and George Clooney. Everyone in Hollywood loves them. Loves them hard. The little bestubbled, preening, walking piggy banks!

Gosling and Clooney were among the top repeated nominees, while David Fincher got something or other. Bully for those guys.

In the key Best Motion Picture Drama category, the Clooney-directed Ides of March is oddly, going to go up against the Clooney-starring The Descendants. The people choosing the noms clearly didn’t spend their youth making compilation tapes and adhering to the ‘One Artist Per Comp’ rule.

Swine.

The Help, Martin Scorsese’s Hugo, Moneyball and Steven Spielberg’s War Horse were nominated, too, even though Clooney has nothing to do with them. Impressive!

Gosling meanwhile, with that long gormless face of his, goes up against Clooney for Best Drama Actor. He also got a nomination for Best Comedy-Musical Actor for Crazy Stupid Love, which absolutely no-one has seen.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo picked up two nominations: one for Original Score, and one key one for breakout star Rooney Mara (Best Drama Actress).

50/50, The Artist, Bridesmaids, Midnight in Paris and My Week With Marilyn are up for Best Motion Picture Comedy-Musical while over in the TV series nominees, we get American Horror Story, Glee, Game of Thrones and New Girl.

The ceremony is set for January 15th and, of course, Ricky Gervais is hosting.

The NME has this year decided that the coolest people in the music industry are a bunch of no-names and people we hate with every fibre of our disgruntled being; they will never make it and, if they’ve already ‘made it’, then their last name is Gallagher and we have absolutely no opinion on that anymore.

Being the snide swine we are, it was suggested that we fight the powers that be and show the world of celebrity what’s what and who’s nobody, so here it is in all its underwhelming un-festive glory.

So, in a very well thought out (hastily typed out at midnight last night) attempt to tackle the elitism issues that NME have raised, we got our youngest, hippest (Hahahaha! – Ed) hecklerspray writers – Lauren Mullineaux and Sophie Hall – to create what we consider to be the healthier way to present a list of terrible human beings. We present to you: Hecklerspray Presents: The Anti-Cool List. Presented. To you. List.

Coldplay:

Chris Martin and the boring company he keeps isn’t just limited to his choice of wife, but his band too. His life is pretty much a homage to Bono which is the worst way to live out your days as far as we’re concerned. They played Glastonbury and it was far too, far too ecstatic. They also released an album called Mylo Xyloto because they’re so bloody fresh. We’re British guys so please just take your emotion and your wives heads and go to America where they are a-okay with public displays.

Ricky Gervais:

His grubby stumps are grasping onto the Hollywood sign with everything he’s bloody got these days because he ran out of jokes about five years ago. Remember that one where he was mean to the celebrity? Remember when he wore tiny shorts? Remember when he was fat? We liked him then, thin people are so dull.

Sam Faiers:

We have never seen The Only Way Is Essex, but we understand exactly why this young woman was attacked in the streets by the naysayers. Frankly we’re sickened she had the gall to then moan about this ‘vicious attack’ like she deserves better than Jesus. Click here to see what she looked like post stoning.

Levi Roots:

Haha. What an absolute idiot this man is, he’s not even un-cool he’s just absolutely, unnervingly, refreshingly stupid. Yes, we were all disheartened to learn that Levi Roots stole, HE STOLE, his Reggae Reggae sauce recipe from his business partner. We thought we could trust the Dragon’s to be sharp suited beacon of honesty in these turbulent times, but this throws everything into disarray.*

Michael Jackson:

He’s not really un-cool is he? We’re just yanking your chain. You know what is un-cool though? Dying. Yeah Michael, screw you, screw you and your wonderfully child-friendly nature, we’ll get our kicks elsewhere from now on.

Daybreak:

If it’s already broken don’t make it more broken, is an old proverb that the big-wigs at ITV have never heard. GMTV was a godsend in comparison to this amalgamation of ugly people with sunny dispositions. If you want to hate yourself at 6 AM then join the army. It’s comforting to know that a lot of people have been sacked for this.

Kim Kardashian/Kris Humphries/Marriage:

Possibly the best and most irritating story of the year from America’s fairy tale family of dimwits. We learnt about how to make a quick buck from true love, it was true love right? How could it not be between a preppy princess and the dumbest man who ever lived? Kris is religious and instead of playing basketball he just bounces it off the wall and into his head.

The Olympics:

Lord Coe or whatever he’s called these days lobbied for literally hours to win us the right to host the Olympics and so that means we have to spend all of our non-existent money building something to look better than a smog covered birds nest.  We have a logo, a nightmarishly, child scaring logo that was designed by the steel loving ghouls of Monsters Inc.

Mark Ronson/Katy B:

We recently learned that the only thing worse than 2012 being ruined by The Olympics is a theme song for the Olympics; you’ll never guess what shining beacons of British pop culture are going to be creating that future Samaritans favourite.

Ashton Kutcher:

It’s 2011 which means that nobody remembers the pretty-but-stupid one from That 70’s Show, Ashton didn’t like this, Ashton got sad, Ashton had an affair, grew hair all over his face, and replaced Charlie Sheen on the worst sitcom to ever disgrace Comedy Central—no mean feat.

Chris Brown:

What a piece of work this young felon is. Not only did he beat the woman of our dreams and global pop sensation Rihanna but he then bought a house near her after his restraining order was dropped by the too kind for her own good sweetheart. We like the one where he storms out of an interview for being asked about his boxing habits unexpectedly. Also he hates handicapped people now.  Not cool Chris, not cool. We hope your glass bedroom gets smashed up in one of your rages.

Justin Bieber:

Truth be told, this kid is probably living the coolest life of any 17 year old ever to have existed, but that doesn’t make him cool now does it? And since we’re cynical and depraved of love, we consider him the antithesis of cool. This year Bieber cut his hair and then cut it again… then a woman said he’d impregnated her (or statutory raped her one). And then he went and made a flirtatious video with 41 year old Mariah Carey that’s full of children and pervy Santa Clause.  He’s so young and happy and infecting the world with his joyful lack of charisma.

Benton:

It’s a man chasing a dog chasing some deer and the whole stupid internet starts puking happiness. By the way he’s called Fenton.

Johnnie Marbles:

This is the guy who you immediately added on twitter after he attempted to pie Rupert Murdoch in the face. You probably regret this decision, but haven’t yet unfollowed him. He thinks he’s so cool that he could never be cool. What is cool is Wendy Murdoch lunging forward and punching him in the head.

Charity:

The third world has been in third place for so long now, please will the judges award them silver next year so we can all move on. We can’t take all the obnoxious drama students following us in the streets for £3 a month, we can’t take seeing sad animals or Terry Wogan on television, we can’t take the guilt every time we drink clean water or don’t get AIDS from having sex. There’s nothing wrong with third place, but runner up is much better.

Technology:

Blackberry had a pretty appalling year with the catastrophic and consistent failure of everything it touched, but at least their founder and principal cool dude didn’t pass away before his time.  We use Android so we’re laughing all the way home with our internet access and ability to ring people… but others weren’t so lucky. 2011 was the year communication on-the-go came to standstill as both iPhone and Blackberry broke down at the same time.  Paperweights coincidentally made a massive comeback.

Sarah Palin:

If we hear anyone say the words ‘soccer mom’ next year we might have to deflate all the ‘soccer’ balls silently in the night with neutron bombs. It’s been a terrible year for the hottest lady in politics as the true extent of her red neck status was revealed. A millions thousand affairs, a shit of a brick for a daughter, and a stalker of an un-official biographer… all alleged of course. Politics just isn’t for everyone is it? Get back to your bear traps.

Downton Abbey:

Somehow, the opposite of a gripping drama has glued you great people to your couches to watch ITV every week. Yes, ITV of all things! It’s as if the entire nation just gave up, sighed, and resigned themselves to the fact that ITV was going to keep making original content if we didn’t settle for something. Why the heck you all settled for a period show with Dead—ahem—Dame Maggie Smith over a crime drama starring Trevor Eve we’ll never understand. BORING.

Rioting:

If 2011 had a theme it would be unrest… and what signifies unrest if not rioting? Usually we watch Egypt, France, and lots of passionate European countries riot, but this year we took to the streets to show we can do it too.  We didn’t do it very well and we didn’t do it for any particularly good reasons. We had lots of protests, but the riots in the heat of the summer nights were crassly consumerist. It’s not that the police couldn’t cope with the destruction they just didn’t think we were worth it. If you’re going to pinch some jeans, the very least you could do is accept the challenge of stealing them from a staffed shop in daylight; pussy.

Bankers:

In the 80’s bankers were cool; that’s what Wall Street taught us anyway, they had a perfectly acceptable level of the devil inside them.

McDonald’s New Advert:

Every single time this comes on, which is a lot, we think it’s for a dating site because it should be and every single time we realise it’s not we hate ourselves a little bit more. The golden arches are supposed to advertise themselves using slogans about how much you’re going to love their manufactured mess, not this misleading twee crap. We’ve taken to muting the TV when it comes on before cutting out our eyeballs with cow horns. Just in case like.

Florence and The Machine:

The only good thing that can be said about them is: at least they’re not Laura Marling.  That shouldn’t be the only redeeming quality in anything.

Azaelia Banks:

Lauren – She was number one on the NME list so we had to include her for posterity, but if it’s any consolation then we don’t think her song’s very good either. She makes us feel old.

Sophie – Nobody has ever mattered less.

Christmas Number 1’s:

Remember when Christmas number 1’s were Christmas songs, created for the occasion? Yeah, us neither. And so on and on rages the tiresome battle between the winner of The X Factor and a popular ‘alternative song’. Give us a bloody break will you? Nobody actually cares. It’s a ploy brought to your easily influenced brains by the record companies so that they can make more money. Save yourself a quid and illegally download them both instead that way everyone’s a winner in your heart and that’s the true meaning of Christmas.

Kelly Rowland

From the years 1981 to 2010, Kelly Rowland was pretty much an inconsequential fragment of life. Then this year, ITV1 thought “Err…yeah, alright” and BANG! A career-woman was born, as Kelly got the gig as judge in the ‘new generation’ line-up of X Factor, providing quite a lot of cocaine and laughs along the way.

Sinitta

In essence: Just not a very good idea.

Michael Jackson

Don’t know if we have the energy.

Frankie Cocozza

On his own, he was a particular nuisance. Combined with Gary Barlow, he was our indie Himmler, getting booted off the X Factor for doing some sort of self assuring drug taking to the utter disgust of Beacon of Humble Gary Barlow  (See below.) This would be the same Gary Barlow whom, after putting him through at the judges houses stage of the competition, turned to Robbie Williams and said, “If there’s one thing I’m not going to let this guy do – is behave.” Well, well, well.

John Lewis Advert

Where did a little 10 year old boy find the time and the money to go to some sort of shopping centre (UNSUPERVISED) and buy his mum and dad this ‘present’? The one where the woman died at the end was far funnier.

Peter Andre

Dear Peter, it’s all very well and good doing all those things that you do. We have no beef with that. But when you open up a Literacy Project with Boris Johnsson and hope nobody will notice, we may need to tell you to ‘sling it’ a tiny little bit.

Lady Gaga

She has only come out of one form of female reproduction this year. Must try harder in 2012.

Nick Clegg

Well, it was all going so well for Nick. What with the whole not shafting the country thing and the yellow section at Tie Rack. But then he went and did the whole shafting the country thing, and unfortunately it didn’t work out incredibly well.

Alex Reid/Chantelle’s unborn child

If you take into account Darwin’s theory of natural selection and THIS video, it really doesn’t bode well for this kid at all. “We share a lot of common experiences. Like Big Brother. And marriage.”

Brian May

We do worry about Brian May. He’s been very ‘up’ for things lately. Last week for example, he even went on stage to perform with The Darkness. He even has a blog now for god’s sake. Initial symptoms of a major depressive episode, or just very very enthusiastic about being Brian May? The answer is of course, C) He’s a Bohemian Rhapsody twiddling sell-out.

Scarlett Johanson’s boobs

And we thought her Other Anne Boleyn Girl acting was a bit wobbly! WAHEY! (Dear Scarlett Johnansson, thank you so so much for taking photos of your nude form.)

Gary Barlow

“So Gary, what do you think about your latest inclusion as an X Factor judge and altogether more successful songwriter than Paul McCartney off of The Beatles?” “I think the children should eat more healthily.” Ah okay then. Do one, Gary.

The Collective

Such a disrespectful thing to do for the children. Especially released the same week as Children in Need. Oh wait, it WAS for Children in Need. Well, that’s just awful.

Beyonce’s Fake Pregnancy Bump

Hearty congratulations and all that, Beyonce. But all this ‘Mmm delicious’ pregnancy acting don’t wash with us. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT PREGNANT WITH A BABY! How could you possibly be? You are Beyonce, that of many a loin. Definitely not cool.

Men

With the launch of Bridesmaids this Summer, it was suddenly realised that men were awful and women were… Jesus, a bit funny to say the LEAST! You’d think all those years inhaling smoke fumes in the kitchen would have detatched us from a sense of humour! But NO! We did it girls! Women: Quite literally, the new men.

Sky News

16/33 miners saved? GREAT! Perhaps next time such an event occurs, you could also provide us with a pie chart of their diminishing blood sugar levels!

The Smurfs

Right. You know smurfs? You know movies? You know conglomerations of smurfs and movies? Nah. Us neither, because obviously none of us watched Smurfs: The Movie, starring Katy Perry and Alan Cumming and other people who grossly misjudged themselves. But it’s not bad. After scoring a whopping 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, the film eventually picked up to an admirable 23%, and also secured a sequel (SMURFS 2!) in 2013. Lovely.

Google +

We were all so excited, weren’t we? So excited that we could pick up your name and put it in a circle next to someone else who we previously put in the same circle. The exclusive ‘secret invite’ process made us all feel like we were part of a secret haven, better than other people, better than suckers registering Linkedin Accounts. Eventually though, it turned out that Google Plus was awful and pointless. You probably all read our comedic appraisals in our status updates about it at the time. On Twitter.

Emma Watson

There’s a hell-a lot of things we don’t like about Emma Watson. Sure, she has a People Tree fashion range endorsing us to help the community. Sure, she starred in a One Night Only video as a dog. Sure, she cut her hair short and vetoed her entire 20s and 30s. Sure she attended a university and then cried because she was JUST TOO FAMOUS and went home. We can live with all that.  In 2011, Emma Watson became the patron to the Wild Trout Trust. Well now she’s just taking the piss.

Lars Von Trier

One of your more sophisticated mentals now, as we look back on the escapades of Lars Von Triers. After securing success with his quaint little sci fi apocalyptic drama Melancholia, Lars made what The Sun may call a ‘gaffe’, (but we’d probably go with something more along the lines of ‘Quite awful thing to say actually’) about the nazis. Here’s the video to remind you all, but in essence, the whole thing gets articulated much better with a gif wall of Kirsten Dunsts reactions to him.

Justin Timberlake

AND he bought bloody Myspace.

Diva Fever

A very last minute shoe-horned appearance from X Factor favourites (Well, not FAVOURITES, per se, but you know. People who went on X Factor at some point, regardless) have basically done this. And we’re displeased.

——————

*Levi Roots has disappointingly won the legal battle because nothing about ‘his’ recipe was ever secret apparently and this was much more interesting when he was a thief.

Chief Mong and Spazz Honcho Ricky Gervais is to host the Golden Globe Awards again, which is great news for Ricky Gervais’ bank manager. Of course, we should point out that he’s shown remorse for all that ‘mong thing’, and by the end of the article, we will too.

For now, we’re mong mad.

If you remember, last time he hosted the Golden Globes, he ruffled a few feathers by mocking Scientology (good lad) and dry-heaving over the thought of Hugh Hefner’s penis (good work) and… well… in places, he was actually very good, which makes it very irritating for someone wanting to throw a jibe his way. He did go on to say mong though and we’re not letting that go because we’re lazy. Lazy mongs.

Anyway, Ricky Gervais is going to return to the podium at the annual awards gala in 2012, like a massive, massive mongo mong-mong.

Apparently, Gervais was voted in for the job by 83 entertainment spazzes from around the world (didn’t ask us though, did they? Idiot swine. Go hang) and he landed the gig despite a small but vocal minority who dissented. They probably called him a ‘mongy bastard’.

Of course, the people who didn’t like Gervais’ material from the last show were older members who found Gervais’ material in January insulting. Naturally, older members probably like jokes about women and ‘blacks’. That’s what old people like isn’t it?

Not people pulling spazz faces, which is obviously comedic genius.

One person casting a vote, who goes by the name of Judy Solomon, said:

“My worry was that he was insulting, and when I invite someone to my house, they don’t insult me, but this is show business. I guess I’m old-fashioned.”

She likes jokes about what it’s like to be a Jew probably. Hollywood loves those comics don’t they? ‘I’m a Jew! This is what it’s like being a Jew! Cuh! My mother is so Jewish! She Jew Jew Jew Jew Jew and oh, JEWJEWJEWJEW!‘

They don’t like it when Gervais praised the not-nominated “I Love You Phillip Morris” as being a movie in which two heterosexual men play two gay men “so the opposite of some famous Scientologists.”

Maybe he should adapt his mong jokes so they’re about Jewish spazzes. That’d be great wouldn’t it? THAT WOULD BE THE BEST JOKE EVER TOLD.

Oh God. Saying ‘mong’ is awful isn’t it? How dreadful we now feel. It’s not a nice word. It’s terrible. We’re crying here. Look. This is remorse.

Can we host an award ceremony in America now? Is this how it all works? We’ve grown as people, honestly we have. Go on. We’ll ask for much less money than Gervais AND we won’t need a man girdle to hold us in our suits.

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Ricky ‘Mong’ Gervais is opening his mouth again so he can not only show us his peculiar teeth, but also, offer his opinions on the whole gruesome spectacle that is the beast known as ‘fame’ and ‘celebrity’.

No-one will disagree that Gervais is a famous, famous man. He’s been in a myriad of average films and hosted some award ceremonies. Effectively, he’s a Tesco Value Billy Crystal.

Anyway, he’s criticising British culture because it stifles aspiration. Not only that, he had some choice (read ‘judgemental’) words to say about today’s “fame-hungry” society. Of course, you’ll remember that, in the past, no-one wanted to be famous and all anyone really wanted to do was to get a job as an admin monkey in an office. Remember those days? Halcyon, halcyon days.

Gervais told the Radio Times that British children aren’t being encouraged to pursue their ambitions.

“I never really thought about even having a career… Being a working-class Brit I believed it was better to never try than to try, and run the risk of failing.

“Americans are brought up to believe they can be the president of the United States. British kids are told: ‘Don’t be stupid. It won’t happen for you.’

Yeah. Teachers? They’re all a shower of gits aren’t they?

Ricky added that he didn’t try at school, despite having the smarts:

“This is my greatest regret. It’s a disgusting attitude and potentially a waste of a life. Writing and directing The Office was the first thing I ever tried my hardest at. The reward was revelatory.”

Naturally, Gervais – who likes saying the word ‘mong’ on twitter and pulling ‘spazz faces’ and sharing them via TwitPic – has a television show to promote. It’s called Life’s Too Short and is a mockumentary which looks at Warwick Davis’s day-to-day life as a dwarf actor. Apparently, it:

“reflects the more modern age – desperate, fame-hungry monsters who will do anything just to be on the telly”.

Fame-hungry monsters. Get that? If you want to get famous, you’re a monster. Screw you for wanting to better your life or, y’know, ignoring that nagging ‘it won’t happen for you’ advice that Gervais lambasted earlier. YOU’RE A MONSTER.

That’s because you’re only allowed to become famous if you say you didn’t ever want it.

“I never tried to be famous… I was willing to be the centre of attention in a small group of friends for saying something funny. Even interesting. I wanted to be the funniest person in the room, not the most famous.”

Bullshit Mister I-Used-To-Be-The-Lead-Singer-Of-A-Band.

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It’s not often that we plebs at hecklerspray get confused about things. We’re generally right about stuff 100% of the time (have you read our horoscopes? Always spot on), and if you disagree then you’re very, very wrong.

That’s how it works.

But Ricky Gervais the nauseatingly fat one from The Office, Extras, Stardust, and Cemetery Junction, has got us all in a flutter about the word ‘mong.’

Just so you know, ‘mong’ was totes a word used in the 50s to describe people with Downs Syndrome. Like Pat Butcher’s long lost sister. But Ricky Gervais doesn’t care about her. He’s repurposing the word to mean something else. The heartless monster.

Now, we don’t know whether this is a good thing or not. Obviously calling someone with Downs Syndrome is wrong, just like it would be calling an homosexual a ‘queer-haired nancy rent boy’. But does it make a difference if the meaning of the word changes? We’re all for calling people names, and the chance to call Dappy a woman beating mong is far too perfect to pass up on.

Unfortunately, Ricky Gervais has been going on like a right mong about it, making spazz faces and prompting people who should probably know better to get their fanny in a twist about trivial matters like this.

Caitlin Moran, someone who we would like to think is a friend of hecklerspray, tweeted this before going back to talking about Downton Abbey:

“Good to see the effort Ricky Gervais is putting into this “Bring back mong” project. Meanwhile, Eddie Izzard prepares to run for mayor.”

And even Richard Herring said this on his blog

“If the words are upsetting some people and perpetuating a stereotype, isn’t it a more noble and thoughtful to just admit you might have made a mistake and stop?”

But it seems like no-one is actually offended by his use of the word ‘mong.’ Even people who work for Downs Syndrome charities aren’t offended by the use of the word, and say that, as long as the words isn’t directed at them, it’ll be fine. So should we be bothered if no one gets upset by a word that meant something different decades ago?

To be honest, we don’t know how we should feel anymore because Richard Herring, one of Gervais’ detractors (yes, it’s a serious subject so we’re using serious words) advertised his tour with a Hitler ‘tache so we don’t know who is right or wrong.

WE JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE.

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Americans either have a sense of humour or, maybe, they just like the press they get from controversy (that could well explain Sarah Palin’s baffling rise in power). We say this because apparently, Ricky Gervais has been asked to host the Golden Globes again.

Of course, you’ll remember that he upset some humourless dullards with a series of jokes that made everyone else laugh.

Dry heaving while pretending to wank-off Hugh Hefner? That’s exactly the sort of thing that will see hecklerspray jumping to our collective feet for a standing ovation. Not to mention ripping celebrity Scientologists a new one.

While smart slebs laughed along (a particular doffing of the cap must go to Robert DeNiro who looked like he was going to shit his pants he was chortling so hard), the Hollywood press decided that they didn’t like some Limey turning up and tearing strips off their hallowed Hollywood.

They took great glee in assuming that he wouldn’t be asked back to the Golden Globes, probably giving Billy Crystal the sly thumbs-up for the gig.

What they didn’t reckon on was the Golden Globes fondness for the money that comes with increased interest over imagined worldwide outrage. The largely insignificant award ceremony became the talk of the town and, should Gervais get next year’s gig, it’ll probably be transmitted live all over the world while they encourage him to go in with studs showing.

This, in fact, could be a turning point for the Golden Globes as they turn it into a comedy roast instead of some backslapping event that no-one outside of LA give two hoots about.

Gervais said:

“I don’t know what I could do better. I certainly couldn’t get more press for them, that’s for sure. The response was staggering.”

“It was discussed on every news channel and chatshow for weeks.”

And now it’s rumoured that he’s going to be asked to host it again. However, we know that Gervais doesn’t like to tread water.

In fact, he’ll probably turn it down and they’ll get Sarah Silverman to do it and… well… she’s about as funny as a blazing school full of children (which isn’t funny at all, should you need the staggeringly obvious pointing out to you).

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Like we noted yesterday, America can occasionally forget what a sense of humour is, despite the fact they’ve produced some of the most acerbic comics in history and invented the notorious advent of the comedy roast.

Yet, when on the receiving end of abuse from a British comedian, they can get a bit huffy and wounded. The great big touchy soft shits.

This has left Ricky Gervais having to defend his studs-showing stint which he delivered while hosting the Golden Globes, even though he shouldn’t have to. Gervais came armed with jokes, not guns, eh America?

Of course, us Limeys pride ourselves on our innate sense of satire and constantly chide America for not understanding sarcasm properly… unless of course, Sarah Palin is a gigantic slab of satirical comedy and no-one has cracked up through their poker face yet. If that’s the case, well done America; you had us for a moment then.

Anyway, jokes aren’t as funny when you have to either explain them or justify them. However, such is the hissy-fit being thrown in some quarters, Gervais has taken to his blog to stick two fingers up and, essentially, to tell everyone to piss-off and grow-up.

He wrote:

“I enjoyed the Globes more this year. I think I had better gags. More along the lines of the Mel Gibson one last year”

And what about the rumours about him getting taken backstage to be shot/told off?

“Obviously the rumour that the organisers stopped me going out on stage for an hour is rubbish.”

“I did every link I was scheduled to do. The reason why the gaps were uneven is because when I got the rundown I was allowed to choose who I presented to.

“I obviously chose the spots that I had the best gags for. They couldn’t move around the order but I could move around however I wanted.”

So, not only is the very notion of joking being dissected, but now, we’re being shown the admin of an awards ceremony. Thanks America. Your lack of humour has dragged us all into a scheduling hell. In triplicate.

Gervais added:

“All the same conspiracy theories as last year too … ‘so and so was offended’ … ‘hasn’t been invited back yet’ … exactly the same as last time. ‘Paul McCartney was furious’ … no he wasn’t. And nor was Tim Allen and Tom Hanks. I was drinking with them after.”

So there you have it. The only people offended are those with no funny bone. And Scientologists. And people who thought Gervais wasn’t that funny and expected better.

Happy now? Good. Now shut your traps.

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The 68th annual Golden Globes happened last night and, once again, hecklerspray‘s invite was lost in the post despite having previous when it comes to getting hold of really pure cocaine for very competitive and good prices.

Maybe we have to pretend to be Scientologists or something? Either way, we weren’t there, which means we have to rely on hearsay and reports. Please note – the former doesn’t mean we got a text from Suzanne Shaw, now starring in Emmerdale.

Anyway, apart from the winners, which no-one really cares about, the big story of the show focused on the host, Ricky Gervais who reminded us all that, sometimes, Americans don’t understand humour. Or they don’t find English people funny. One of the two.

The ceremony was buzzing with questions as Gervais went missing for nearly an hour.Rumours abounded that, after going in for the jugular almost from the off, Ricky had been fired backstage by the bosses of the show. Some idiots even speculated that he’d been taken to a parking lot and shot through the face with a great big gun (not that America has a fixation and problem with guns. God no. Not them. Or Sarah Palin. Guns don’t kill people – the bullets that guns fire into human flesh, do).

Anyway, Gervais kicked things off by ravaging Charlie Sheen, Scientology, Mel Gibson, Lost and Hugh Hefner. He also introduced Bruce Willis as “Ashton Kutcher’s dad”. The wag. He also joked that he had to help president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, Philip Berk, to go to the toilet and “put his teeth back in”. We bet he was thrilled, especially as Gervais made jokes about them accepting bribes.

What did anyone expect? A nice, safe routine? Either way, what everyone got wasn’t too far from the level of comedic abuse you see at a Comedy Roast.

After pulling everyone’s noses, Gervais then vanished, leaving people to speculate about him being sacked or killed. Either would have been a good story to write this morning (in the case of the latter, a really brilliant story, once you’d got past the ‘tragedy’ element of it).

When Gervais returned to the fore, it was clear he wasn’t dead, however, observers muttered that he looked rather subdued, with the always pleasant and reasonable Piers Morgan (America – we’re sorry for him, okay?) noting that Gervais looked “haunted”.

So what did they do to him backstage? Suffice to say, whatever happened didn’t make Ricky Gervais laugh because, well, lets face it, if he did laugh, he would have woken the whole world up with it because, as you know, he’s got the loudest, most irritating chortle in the universe.

Either way, despite being rather funny (what? Praise from hecklerspray?), it certainly appears that Gervais won’t get a third stab at hosting the show. Next year, brace yourself for a routine from someone from the ever-appalling Big Bang Theory or something.

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Ricky Gervais seems to have the ability to rub people up the wrong way.

Maybe it’s his egotistical rants or perhaps because The Invention of Lying was complete turd. Either way some people just cant stand the sharp-toothed tubster.

Whatever it is it seems to be mostly unfounded. As both The Office and Extras proved that when paired with Stephen Merchant he has an ability for creating both comedy steeped in real-life while delivering some genuine drama to each scenario.

While Cemetery Junction doesn’t quite have the squirm-inducing Gervais in centre stage, it does have a trio of leads that seem adept at providing as much grounded humour, with the added bonus of not looking like a deep-fried marshmallow.

Set in ‘70s Reading, it’s hardly the glamorous tale that you’d expect Gervais and Merchant to promote after their international success and celebrity filled fun on Extras. What we get is coming-of-age drama, set against the backdrop of the blue collar upbringing of a group of three distinct lads.

While Freddie gets a job working for a superbly straight-faced Ralph Fiennes at a life insurance company, his mate Bruce is trying to cope with being a rebel, while Snork is just trying to be the ‘Gervais’ characters.

Although, that’s a bit unfair on Snork. The character provides most of the laughs as the comedy sidekick simpleton. The character manages to provide plenty of chuckles even if he doesn’t quite seen believable in the setting. Most of the early humour revolves around sniggers at schoolboy gay insults and Elton John’s sexuality. A few smaller characters also make an impact but it doesn’t quite hit the memorable balance of humour and humanity that The Office excelled in.

It’s more functional as an indie drama and it’s here, without the weight of expectation from Britain’s home-grown comedy heroes, that the story shines. A study on adolescence, marriage and dreams against the backdrop of ‘70s England with a great soundtrack. You care more about the eventualities of the situations rather on waiting for Snork to guff on Fred again. In that way, it’s probably one of the most involving British films for some years.

It’s clear that both Merchant and Gervais have filled the film with many cinematic influences and it plays on the era well. Also, the casting of Fiennes is a masterstroke, given that the legendary actor has a gravitas that makes much of his comedy the standout. Similarly, Watchman’s Matthew Goode makes for the clichéd controlling boyfriend between Fred and his love interest Julie. One trope of cinema that never fails to annoy is how the girl only ever discovers her boyfriend is such a monster when the really nice guy shows up. Presumably, being pushed around like a geriatric on a bus trip was all hunky dory before he arrived.

So it doesn’t all work on inventive levels but when the story and characters are propelling Cemetery Junction so well, it proves that Gervais and Merchant aren’t two of Britain’s best comedy writers but they’re actually two of the best dramatic ones.

‘Spray Rating: 4/5

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Good stuff and bad.

Folded:

• Hecklerspray is (almost) five!! (Watch our special birthday video tomorrow. In the meantime, look how weird and young we used to be)
• Rachel Riley (you could take her out for a meal; she could pay for it with all her TV money and then add up the bill afterwards. What an evening!)
• The Ricky Gervais Show (it’s the cartoons that make it. Though Gervais is flattering himself with that Fred Flintstone comparison)
• No London Marathon ruining Sunday morning telly and making you feel bad for not a) not running, b) not sponsoring anyone who did (there’s always next year. Or the one after)
• The final party leaders debate has aired (so we can all stop lying about having watched them)

Creased:

• Mobile speakerphone (doesn’t work when you’re driving because you still have to wedge the thing in your lap. Unless you’re fat, in which case the phone can lay comfortably on top)
• Hayden Panettiere’s new hairdo (you shouldn’t care, but it is so unashamedly awful you might have to)
• Outakes at the end of comedy shows (Scrubs was dying anyway, but this idea loaded the fatal bullet)
• Hecklerspray writers (miserable and only one of them seems capable of leaving the house, as you’ll see tomorrow)
• Read this about why The Core is rubbish (it’s on telly all the time and you should be warned)

10 - iPad DESTRUCTION – Geekologie

9 – Britney Spears eats some frozen yoghurt. Remember her? – Amy Grindhouse

8 - Come Dine With Me: still quite good – Watchwithmothers

7 - What’s more depressing than online prostitute reviews? That’s right, nothing – Shoutingatcows

6 - If you have an iPhone and want to have horrific, mind-crippling nightmares until the day you die, here’s how to do it – Best Week Ever

5 – Ricky Gervais uses the internet to complain about the press. You know, for once – PopEater

4 - The worst penalty of all time - The Spoiler

3 - This is just outrageously cool - Asylum

2 – Chris Kamara, you are wonderful – Withleather

1 - TORTOISE FIGHT!…

Ricky Gervais seems to be one of those people you either love or hate, or something inbetween.

As with any popular existence, he is subject to the normal animosity imposed by the group who are at present too cool to be a fan of a well-liked figure. Anyway, he’s got a DVD/Blu-Ray coming out of that Invention of Lying film he did, so to publicise it he gave a small number of interviews. One of them was with us, yay!

We also gave him the opportunity to plug lots of other things – see if you can spot them.

Hecklerspray:  So how’s your day gone so far, generally?

Ricky Gervais: (sighs) What do you want me to say?

H: Well… be honest.

RG: It’s a chore, it’s a chore (laughs).

H: Yeah? I imagine it would be.

RG: Why can’t people just watch the films and buy my DVDs and tickets without me having to do anything at all towards it? You know what I mean?

H: And why don’t celebrities want to have a chat with me without wanting to plug a product?

RG: I know – yeah exactly. We should just hang out and see if we get on before we try and plug my product.

H: And then maybe I’d suggest to people that they should watch the Invention of Lying

RG: It’s not even guaranteed, either. ’cause it’s not like I go “OK I’ll give you an interview but you’ve got to say nice things about it.” We could have an interview, I could be moaning and you could say, ‘not only is he a whinging f*cker but his film’s shit.’ It’s not even a guarantee.

H: The thing is, all the work is pretty much over for you after today. I’ve still got to review your DVD.

RG: Well don’t make it sound like such a chore, now I know what it sounds like, it’s terrible – whinging. Just get on with it; we’ve all got problems – Jesus Christ.

H: Alright, so you’ve got the Invention of Lying DVD coming out.

RG: (laughs) Thank you.

H: That’s out there now. The DVD menu, I’m not sure if you’ve looked at it, it’s probably the same as the cover [in appearance]. I haven’t seen the retail cover over here yet.

RG: Right?

H: They’ve done something to your face.

RG: Oh, airbrushing?

H: Yeah! Everyone’s basically whiter, but you…

RG: Not only is it airbrushed, but it looks like I’ve had reconstructive surgery.

H: I think… yeah…

RG: You know how it looks when they find a bit of a skull? And then they build the thing and they say this is what man would have looked like 5,000 years ago? It’s like that isn’t it?

H: So it’s an approximation of what you look like?

RG: (laughing) Exactly, yeah. It’s an approximation of what a British film star looked like in the year 2009.

H: Sort of stretched…

RG: Yeah, stretched, yeah. A little bit wide, yeah. A little less fat at least, which is good.

H: That’s true, the stretching does help.

RG: Yeah, exactly. It looks like I lost my eyebrows and I had to repaint them on like those old ladies do.

H: I didn’t spot that actually, I must admit.

RG: Yeah have a look at it – they sort of look light and fluffy.

H: I did enjoy the menu on the whole, mainly just because of that. So even if you don’t like the film…

RG: The thing is, they’ve airbrushed Louis C.K. and he still looks like a big fat ginger slob

H: But I didn’t think Louis, Jennifer or Rob looked that different to be honest, just a bit more ghost-like

RG: You don’t have to do a lot to Rob Lowe, he’s got the most chiselled… it’s ridiculous! He looks like an Action Man up close – his chin goes to a point

H: But what sort of utility does that have? Really? Apart from, I dunno…?

RG: Popping balloons at a kid’s party

H: I suppose maybe you could put cheese and pineapple on it, I don’t know.

RG: (laughs) Yeah, yeah.

H: So the concept of The Invention of Lying, where do you draw the line of what’s a lie? Because obviously you’d decided there’s no movies, or fiction in that respect. But then at the other end of the spectrum, everyone seems to say exactly what they’re thinking even maybe when it’s not necessary…

RG: Err, well yeah, that was obviously… yeah. I mean, it’s a house of cards; if you look into it too much it’s gonna be impossible. The joke was, that everything is exactly the same, except no-one can tell a lie. Not only do they not know how to tell a lie, but they’ve almost got a Tourette’s. The comedy comes from just saying what’s on your mind as opposed to being able to keep it back, and obviously that’s the fun in it. They still wear shirts and ties and have buttons and zips and cars and radio, so that’s the sort of joke. It’s sort of like a Flintstones-esque world where everything’s the same but made of concrete.

H: Well I liked the film, I’ll say that now to put you at ease.

RG: Oh thank you. I liked the film as well.

H: Yeah?

RG: I liked the idea, I thought that was nice. I like the fact that it’s probably one of the most subversive films in Hollywood because it was described as a Hollywood rom-com, which I like.

RG: Yeah, exactly. And I don’t get paid for any of it.

H: Suicide bombers, in comparison, have it easy. They only have to do it once.

RG: That’s true, they don’t have to get up the next day do they?

H: (laughing) No… well… I better skip onto the Twitter questions ’cause I think we’re running out of time, ’cause I know you like Twitter. It’s funny how the media seemed to jump onto the fact that you leaving is now a backlash against Twitter.

RG: I love that! All I did… I mean I didn’t even know they were listening. I think I did two twitters was it? Or three?

H: I don’t know, I only heard about it after you left.

RG: I think I did two twitters, one was saying “Hi, they want me to tweet – I’m just testing it.” The second one was something like, “I went for a run.” The third one was, “I’m quitting Twitter because I don’t see the point.” It’s nothing against Twitter, I think it makes sense for young folk, the social networking and having a hobby. For someone in my position it was slightly undignified, it was getting close to living your life like an open wound. As far as celebrities chatting to each other in public, it’s like showing off.

H: It does mean that you’re now in the same exclusive club as Billy Ray Cyrus’ daughter.

RG: What happened there?

H: Well she… I dunno… she was a big user and then she left, so now you’re featured in articles alongside her.

RG: I think you’ll find that the biggest proportion of the world don’t Twitter, so I’m in a not very exclusive club. I think you’ll probably find that 5.5 billion people don’t Twitter (laughs).

H: They don’t matter though, that’s the thing.

RG: Well OK yeah, I suppose the subset is people who did Twitter once now don’t any more.

H: Well there you go.

RG: I don’t know how many people of those there are, but I’m in that club yeah.

H: Maybe just two or three.

RG: What if I Twitter again? Then I’ll be in the club of people that don’t Twitter, do Twitter, don’t Twitter, DO Twitter. So now I’m really narrowing down the amount of people who’ve done that. So I might do one Twitter saying, “I’m Twittering again.” Then another one going, “No, only joking.”

H: Well, we’re transcending many levels of reality here.

RG: That’ll probably just be me in that club then.

H: Well if you do it enough times, yeah.

RG: Exactly.

H: The first question I got was, [@the28wall] “Can we expect any more audiobooks and podcasts from you and the lads any time soon?”

RG: Err, yes, there’s one out today.

H: Yeah, to be honest I knew the answer.

RG: Oh, you were setting me up for a plug.

H: No. Well, yes, basically. That was an actual question though.

RG: That’s the last one for a long time, that’s number 10 of our ‘Guides to‘. The Guide to the Human Body. Oh no! The last one is in a month’s time, and that’s The Guide to the Earth. This is number 9, and number 10 will be the last one for a while.

H: There’s a question from David Schneider, he says, [@davidschneider] “Can I have some of your money?”

RG: Err…

H: That’s David Schneider the comedian.

RG: Yes he can. But in a very roundabout way.

H: How would he…?

RG: Well because I donate 40% of all my money to the Inland Revenue, and they go towards building roads and hospitals and the police force. So if he ever calls a policeman to come round, then in a way, I’ve paid for a bit of that.

H: You’ve not started to keep your money offshore to avoid that sort of thing then?

RG: No.

H: That’s good of you, you’re giving something back.

RG: I’ve buried it all and bought a gun.

H: Are you going to guard that every night?

RG: Exactly, yeah

H: There’s another one, this says, [@delphatic] “Would you think of producing something like The 11 O’Clock Show so you could help other fledgling comedians make a break?”

RG: I probably wouldn’t, but you never know. Myself and Stephen are doing a bit of extra-curricular talent spotting and executive producing. We’re sending Karl [Pilkington] around the world at the moment for a programme for Sky 1 called Seven Wonders, we’re behind the scenes on that. We’re also developing a new show with Warwick Davis called Life’s Too Short.

H: Very clever title.

RG: Yeah, which is fantastic. So yeah, I suppose we’re being a bit Simon Cowell on the side, and we do it with American Office as well. That’s purely a sort of production/business mogul type venture. So yeah, it’s not out of the question.

H: OK, this is a question from Richard Herring (the comedian).

RG: It’s not really – this is not really from Dave Schneider and Richard Herring?

H: Oh yeah – they’re on Twitter. That’s the genius you see.

RG: Oh alright, OK.

H: Richard Herring says, [@Herring1967] “Can I have a million pounds please?”

RG: (laughs) Erm… err… oh dear… oh dear…Well, I think the honest answer is “no”, and the dishonest answer is “yes”.

H: Right, OK, that’s fair enough.

RG: I’ve covered my bases I think there.

H: [Agreeing] So you’ve got everything. The last question is from Dom Joly who says, [@domjoly] “Can you lend me some money?” There seems to be a theme here.

RG: There seems to be a theme here of other comedians pointing out that I’m richer than them, and I think implicit in that, is that I don’t deserve it (laughs).

H: Do you think they begrudge you? Is that what you’re saying?

RG: Well they’re all very funny, and thank them very much for their questions. They’re all rich! Don’t believe the hype! They’re all rich.

H: Richard Herring stays in Travel Inns.

RG: They’re rolling in it. They’re trying to keep their street cred – I lost mine. I lost mine ages ago. But then I had it more than them for the first 36 years of my life (laughs).

H: So you think it’s levelling out now?

RG: Yeah, exactly. My poverty was extensive, so over the years I reckon they’re richer than me; if it’s in how much money you’ve had divided by the number of years you’ve lived.

H: I accept that, that’s good maths. I think that’ll do.

The Invention of Lying is released on Blu-Ray and DVD on 1st February

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The Golden Globes took place last night, and over the course of the evening there was a little something for everyone.

Like being told what stuff to enjoy? Then you’ll be pleased to know that Avatar, The Hangover, Robert Downey Jr, Meryl Streep and Glee all won awards. Like the old Golden Globes traditions? Then you’ll be pleased to know that the camera kept cutting to Jack Nicholson‘s face, even though he continues his slow transformation into a rascally sphere of pulsating cholesterol.

And then there was the Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais. If you like Ricky Gervais, you’ll be pleased to know that his performance was nothing short of a comic masterclass. Don’t like Ricky Gervais? Then you’ll be pleased to know that he was absolutely rubbish. Apparently.

The Golden Globes has a reputation for being a loosey-goosey cousin to the Oscars. Sure, it might act as an important bellwether for anyone keen on predicting Oscar winners, but it doesn’t take itself too seriously – acceptance speeches are drowned out by the sound of millionaires drinking champagne, Jack Nicholson will inevitably get his bum out and Sharon Stone can often be seen wafting about looking unsure of how to interact with anything. Which tends to be the case anywhere Sharon Stone goes, admittedly, but at the Golden Globes at least she does it in a pretty dress.

But ahead of last night’s Golden Globes, there were two main questions on everybody’s lips – who would win, and would Ricky Gervais be amazing or terrible as host? Let’s address those one at a time.

1 - Avatar ended up winning Best Drama, The Hangover won Best Comedy, Robert Downey Jr won for Sherlock Holmes, Sandra Bullock won for The Blind Side, Jeff Bridges won for Crazy Heart and Meryl Streep won for Julie & Julia. That last prize was in the coveted Boring, Needlessly Complicated Films About Unlikeable People Doing Mediocre Things, Often In A Silly Voice category. Presumably.

2 - He was both.

No, really, Ricky Gervais was amazing and terrible. It just depends who you listen to. Take Radar, for instance – this is how it described Ricky Gervais last night:

British funnyman Ricky Gervais, was on fire Sunday bringing the laughs from the audience with a risque and hilarious introduction, taking time to make digs at NBC and their ongoing Leno/Conan fiasco, a theme of the night at the awards show and on the red carpet.

While ABC, on the other hand, opted for a different stance. Working under the headline Ricky Gervais Falls Flat At Golden Globes, it said:

Gervais’… opening minutes were disappointingly toothless. He tackled predictable subjects: satirizing self-promotion by plugging DVDs for his own creations; tossing off banal generalities about the unimportance of actors; small-penis yuks, and of course, NBC potshots. But Gervais flew through all of them so fast he didn’t land a blow, let alone draw blood.

So there you have it. Ricky Gervais was hilarious and crap at the same time, often during the course of the same joke. So now you know what to say when anybody asks you what you thought of him. Alternatively, you could have just watched the Golden Globes ceremony in its entirety and formed your own opinion about him. But you’re not an animal, are you?

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Like everything from cultural imperialism to one specific type of muffin, The Office was a British idea copied by the Americans.

Both the British and American versions of The Office have been stormed the ratings, both the British and American versions of The Office have mined comedy from awkward and mundane situations and both the British and American versions of The Office have spawned movie stars, as seen in everything from Get Smart to Love, Actually to Pirates Of The Caribbean to that rubbishy George Clooney film about American football.

But which is better – the British Office or the American Office? It’s a debate that everyone has an opinion on but nobody has comprehensively won. And that’s why we’re here now. Using a complex scientific algorythm based on five categories, we’ve decided to find out which version of The Office is best. You may disagree with us if you like. Just know that if you do, you’re wrong…

BEST MANAGER

Gervais

Carrell

The most important factor of The Office is the manager, whether it’s Britain’s David Brent or America’s Michael Scott, because the entire show hangs around their actions. Both are essentially the same character – awkward, overcompensatory show-offs without a shred of self-awareness – but, although Michael Scott has long since developed into a more rounded character, he’s never quite managed to capture the stupefying arrogance of David Brent.

UK: 1 – US: 0

BEST LOVE STORY

UK -

US -

Tim and Dawn or Jim and Pam? Same syllables. Same longing looks. Same dowdy cuteness and unflattering haircuts. But, again, the difference between the British Office and the American Office is one of time. It was easy to string out Tim and Dawn’s unspoken office romance over the two short seasons of the BBC Office, ending the entire show with the flourish everyone craved. That wouldn’t work with Jim and Pam because there are just too many episodes of the NBC Office for it to stay fresh. That’s why we had to suffer through uncomfortably daytime soapish exchanges like the one above before they actually got together. And stayed together. And got a bit boring. Another point to the UK.

UK: 2 – US: 0

BEST SUPPORTING CAST

Keith’s appraisal

Kelly

Here’s where the sheer amount of NBC Office episodes actually work. Although funny, the BBC Office supporting characters are never more than broad sketches, and most scenes they’re in all depend on reactions to or from Ricky Gervais for humour. Meanwhile, over on NBC, some of the best comedy writer-performers around have been cast to flesh out the parts and create a network that exists outside of Michael Scott’s involvement. It’s probably the American Office‘s greatest achievement, so it can claw back a point here.

UK:2 – US: 1

ULTIMATE LEGACY

Dance

That’s what she said

A big one – what will each respective version of The Office be most fondly remembered for. The BBC’s Office, without question, has The Dance – a moment that won’t only be reenacted in pubs and playgrounds until the end of time, but will ensure that even if he cures cancer and wins the Nobel Prize, someone at the ceremony will yell “DO THE DANCE!” at Ricky Gervais. And he will do it. Meanwhile, NBC has “That’s what she said,” a smart, short, sophisticated line that anybody can drop into any conversation without looking too much like a copycat bellend. Plus people won’t think you’re a tit if you do it in public, which pushes it a million light years past The Dance.

UK: 2 – US: 2

FUNNIEST MOMENT

UK

US

The Office – Lady Suit


A contentious one, we know – it’s difficult enough to get people to agree on the funniest moments from any given episode of The Office regardless of which country it’s made, let alone the entirity of both shows combined. But screw it, this is our list and it’s scientific and if you don’t agree then you hate science. In the UK Office, Ricky Gervais grabs a serious moment and spins it into the stratosphere, while Steve Carrell’s scene is a masterpiece of escalation. But science tells us that Gervais shades it. You hear that, haters? SCIENCE.

UK: 3 – US: 2

So that’s it. Conclusive proof that the British version of The Office is slightly funnier than the American version of The Office. However, if we were doing a side-by-side comparison of British and American versions of Extras, America would have won. Even though there isn’t an American version of Extras. Basically we’re saying that Extras wasn’t particularly good.

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It’s hard not to feel jealous of Ricky Gervais, since he seems to have Hollywood in the palm of his hand. Not content with appearing in any old cinematic guff swimming out our shores, one cheeky snaggletooth smile and he is whisked away to star in… well, any old guff swimming out of the US.

Alas, the man from sunny Reading has managed to attract a whole host of star-wattage toward his latest project – The Invention of Lying. Taking on co-writing and co-directing duties, not to mention starring in the film, you may think that this film is just a rehash of 90’s Jim Carrey vehicle Liar Liar.

That wouldn’t be a far off assumption – jumble around the ingredients and you’re left with the only man who can lie in an alternative universe where only the truth can be spoken. Replace Carrey’s gurning antics with a repressed, reserved English lead and, of course, hilarity ensures.

Except not quite. Gervais does what is expected, although it’s hard to pin down exactly what that is without using the over-used, nonexistent adjective ‘Brentish’, but this role actually surprises by using a bit more range, even touching on emotional depth.

Still, as Mark, Gervais has to rely on the supporting cast to stop this feeling like an American holiday for one of the UK’s top comedians. Jonah Hill and Tina Fey make best out of all too short roles which could have, and would have, definitely welcomed expansion. Most of the interaction and humour comes from Rob Lowe and the gorgeous looking Jennifer Garner (We once said that Gone Baby Gone was the best thing Ben Affleck has ever done – we were mistaken).

The two play their parts well enough, although apparently in this alt-verse you are also partially lobotomised. All the characters seem to have no range or depth, walking around with child-like naivety and often repeating the same lines to hammer home jokes (at least we think these instances were jokes). It seems odd that Mark is the only person thinking on any logical level. Does the ability to lie also make one more intelligent? It appears so.

It’s not a film that needs to be thought about too much. After all it is a comedy. But it is a shame given how rich The Office or Extras was. The film just meanders around obvious jokes and a reliance on star cameos. The only stand-out jokes being more of the understated humour and not necessarily the expected over-the-top jokes.

This isn’t Gervais on top form. It doesn’t quite reach the potential and, for a film that relies on one joke, it doesn’t explore it as much as it should. Towards the end, when religion becomes the target, it seems wishy washy, not as ballsy as it proclaims and just gives up on it after an uninspired Jesus costume.

This isn’t a remarkable effort. Although it demonstrates some of Gervais’ best acting work, The Invention of Lying lacks in the scipt and direction. Perhaps Ricky wasn’t the talented one after all, maybe it is time we all hail the comedy master that is Stephen Merchant! It is not a bad film, but just enjoyable fluff – it’s not that we’re angry with you Ricky, we are just disappointed.

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