Remember when we told you that Hugh Hefner’s son – Marston Hefner – had been roughing up a Playmate by the name of Claire Sinclair? Weird that someone who grew up in the Playboy Mansion should objectify a woman isn’t it?
We totally told you, you forgetful bozo.
Well, Marston Hefner is not only a man who realises that there isn’t a first name that sounds good before the surname ‘Hefner’, but he’s also a man who has officially been charged with assaulting his (presumably former) girlfriend, who was a Playmate of the Year. Prison anyone?
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Followers of pro-wrestling are invariably still washing their brains with industrial bleach after seeing the skinny-flick of Chyna and her very large nubbin being taken on in the ring by fellow grappler X-Pac.
Of all the celebrity sex-tapes, it really is up their in the harrowing league with Gene Simmons and Screech Powers.
Not that this is stopping our Chyna. She’s decided to make a career out of nudity and, having appeared in Playboy a couple of times, she’s now making a porno which is based on the Royal Rumble and features a Hulk Hogan lookalike with his lad out, ready for some Spunkamania. And yes, we’ve lost our lunch three times already, just thinking about it.
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Hugh Hefner is a man who has made his millions out of women. He likes to surround himself with the ladies too. Without his objects of lust (which can no longer ‘maintain’ itself), he’d surely wither away and die like a weed.
So, with that in mind, would it surprise you at all that Hef’s son – Marston Hefner – hasn’t got too high an opinion on womanfolk?
It has been reported that the 2011 Playmate of the Year has had to get a restraining order against Marston after he was arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. Hugh treats his women like princesses, provided they do as they’re told. Little Hef, it seems, likes to give the gift of violence. Maybe he’ll win a Grammy in three year’s time or something!
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Lindsay Lohan isn’t as much fun as she used to be. Remember when she was constantly full of drink and drugs, having sex with everyone, stealing jewels and getting accused of assault and battery? Those were good days.
Sadly, she seems to have straightened herself out… BUT WAIT!
See, LiLo has been doing her community service, hauling her speckled self around a morgue! Ostensibly, Judge Stephanie Sautner wants her to fix herself by warping her mind with dead bodies. Get the feeling that we’ll be seeing good ol’ Insane Lohan again in the future?
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Where there’s blame, there’s a claim… right? Well, in the case of paparazzi photographer and presumed harassing scum-ventricle, Grigor Baylan, he’s suing Lindsay Lohan for something she didn’t actually do for once.
Our papping chum is taking legal action against the actress after he found himself being run over by a motor car that was trying to get away from… you guessed it! The paparazzo.
And the best bit is – LiLo wasn’t even driving the car!
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Lindsay Lohan wants you to know that she’s a moron. That’s the only possible reason why she emerged from a tattoo parlour this week permanently marked with the phrase: Live Without Regrets.
The starlet drunken car crash is said to have told pals that she’s ‘at a great point in her life and wanted to do something she’d always remember’.
Who wouldn’t want to remember the first second third time they got their vag out for the public? At least this time it was sponsored by Playboy and not 12 Jagerbombs and an hour in the powder rooms
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Good ol’ Lindsay Lohan. She’s spectacularly hapless isn’t she? You could leave her on an infinitely smooth surface, devoid of any life and, somehow, she’d still end up getting arrested with illegal articles about her person.
She’s a godsend for pondscum like us.
And now, tremendously, she’s threatening to kill people and missing $10,000 from a Chanel purse because, no matter how hard she tries, she simply can’t avoid melodrama and vague trouble. Still, at least we can all gawp at her leaked Playboy nudes, right?
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Everybody knows that, if you want to really, really, really convey gravitas, pink pen is the way to do it. Suicide note? Pink pen. Will? Pink pen. Dear John letter? Pink pen. First draft of Mein Kampf? Pink pen, preferably glittery.
And so, it has been discovered that Lindsay Lohan’s journal is written in the pinkest of pens. That’s because she’s a girl and all girls always write in pink pen, in their pink diaries, in their pink Hello Kitty bedrooms.
So what’s this about gravitas? Well, if you want the world to hear about your love affair with Heath Ledger and his subsequent death? Pink pen.
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