Obsessed, now that was a brilliant film. Just like Fatal Attraction, but none of the women had stupid haircuts and you didn’t see Michael Douglas’ nipples.
Brilliant. And even more brilliant is the fact that, because it’s out on DVD next week, we’ve got three copies of Obsessed to give to you. You’ll like it – it’s just like Dreamgirls except Beyonce doesn’t burst into song all the poxy time and there’s a fistfight at the end of it.
Brilliant. The Obsessed competition details are after the jump…
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It’s becoming clear that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of pop.
No, wait, that’s wrong. We meant to say that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the honking, toothless, meth-addicted, redneck, laundry-airing Jerry Springer guests of pop. Yes, that’s better.
So far, Eminem wrote a song about having sex with Mariah Carey, then Mariah Carey wrote a song calling Eminem obsessed, and now Eminem has written a song threatening to release voicemails and nude pictures of Mariah. Coming soon, Mariah says that Eminem runs like a girl and has fleas and wets the bed. IDST.
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Hecklerspray truly believes there will come a day when we’ll wake up and stand on a conveyor belt. First we’ll slide past the pee station, then we’ll brush our teeth, we’ll choose a daily gender and then we’ll probably eat some porridge that a robot made for us.
Perhaps the pee station should be after the gender changing one – it’d be more convenient that way if we’re too tired to pull down our pants after being girls the day before.
Until that day, everyone except Mariah Carey‘ll just have to live with what God or scalpel has given us.
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Fatal Attraction was OK, but the wife never had a music video where she danced like she was trying to shake a leech off her bum.
But that’s fine. That particular problem has been rectified thanks to Obsessed, the new Beyonce movie that’s exactly the same as Fatal Attraction but stars Beyonce so you know it’ll end with the wife writing a furious pop song about how crap men are instead of murdering her husband’s mistress.
Anyway, Obsessed is the new weekend box office number one, so do whatever you like with that information.
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