Fatal Attraction was OK, but the wife never had a music video where she danced like she was trying to shake a leech off her bum.
But that's fine. That particular problem has been rectified thanks to Obsessed, the new Beyonce movie that's exactly the same as Fatal Attraction but stars Beyonce so you know it'll end with the wife writing a furious pop song about how crap men are instead of murdering her husband?s mistress.
Anyway, Obsessed is the new weekend box office number one, so do whatever you like with that information.
It's a conversation that everyone's had at one point or another – if you were married to Beyonce, would you have an affair with the chinny woman out of Heroes who plays the character that's basically just a badly-disguised metaphor for menstruation? And the answer, obviously, is no. If you were married to Beyonce you'd be too busy to have an affair with anyone, because you'd be Jay-Z and your time would be monopolised by gigantic narcissism and an unrelenting desire to make albums that aren't quite as good as the ones that directly preceded them.
Still, it's a question pondered by the makers of Obsessed, the movie that's the new US weekend box office number one. And the answer? God knows – the film looks dreadful. Here?s the weekend box office top five…
1 – Obsessed (Sure, Obsessed, you might be doing well, but you've forgotten the one thing that made Fatal Attraction such a success – Glenn Close?s bedraggled poodle haircut. Who wouldn't say no to that, right boys? Woof! Etc!) $28,500,000
2 – 17 Again (17 Again? Forget that – we want to see 22 Again, where Zac Efron just starts to realise that doing a degree in media studies probably wasn?t the best way to secure any form of meaningful employment whatsoever) $11,665,000
3 – Fighting (A film about fighting, presumably. It's a nice tactic, really – honestly labelling the contents of your movie. We sort of wish it was regulation, actually – that way Fast And Furious would have been called Cars And Nimrods and He's Just Not That Into You would have been called The Absolute Worst Way You Could Ever Spend Two Hours Of Your Life) $11,441,000
4 – The Soloist (It's a film starring Jamie Foxx called The Soloist. If it isn't about masturbation we?ll hand in our cards right now) $9,715,000
5 – Earth (A documentary about the solo wilderness years of one member of Earth Wind And Fire. Or something. Honestly, we're not even going to look this one up) $8,554,000
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Sunny says
Pfft on number one being the catfight flick; “Fighting” the obvious pick of the litter – reason right here, yes call me shallow.