Eminem Vs Mariah Carey: The Next Interminable Round

Eminem, Mariah Carey, The Warning, ObsessedIt’s becoming clear that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor of pop.

No, wait, that’s wrong. We meant to say that Eminem and Mariah Carey are the honking, toothless, meth-addicted, redneck, laundry-airing Jerry Springer guests of pop. Yes, that’s better.

So far, Eminem wrote a song about having sex with Mariah Carey, then Mariah Carey wrote a song calling Eminem obsessed, and now Eminem has written a song threatening to release voicemails and nude pictures of Mariah. Coming soon, Mariah says that Eminem runs like a girl and has fleas and wets the bed. IDST.

Not since Hilary Duff said something vaguely obtuse about Faye Dunaway’s age has a celebrity spat gripped the world like this. Mariah Carey (a woman who’s about to bring a new album out) and Eminem (a man who recently brought a new album out and has a bit-part in a new movie that just happens to be released in America today) are at each other’s throats.

It’s thrilling. Eminem and Mariah Carey don’t care any more. They don’t care if they hurt themselves, they don’t care if they hurt each other, they don’t care if all of this tedious bickering helps to mutually raise their profiles and spur on dramatic increases in the number of records that they both sell. It’s crazy – they’re literally out of control.

It all stems from the relationship that Eminem and Mariah Carey had back in 2001, during one of the brief windows where Mariah wasn’t having a mental breakdown and Eminem wasn’t busy divorcing and remarrying his wife. Eminem referred to the relationship in his song Bagpipes From Baghdad, which we haven’t heard because it’s got the words ‘bagpipes’ and ‘Baghdad’ in the title and therefore probably sounds like a goat having its diaphragm pummelled.

But anyway, whatever Eminem said in the song, it was enough to make Mariah Carey dress up as a man and call Eminem a liar in her new song, entitled Obsessed. And this, somewhat inevitably, has caused Eminem to write another song about Mariah Carey, The Warning, in which he variously:

* Threatens to release a number of intimate phonecalls and photographs from their time together

* Describes an encounter where he accidentally ejaculated onto Mariah Carey’s stomach

* Calls Mariah Carey an ‘alcoholic’, a ‘liar’ and a ‘whore’

* Inevitably opens the door for Mariah Carey to release yet another song about Eminem – possibly accompanied by a video where she’s dressed up as a monkey or a unicorn or something – that goes on and on and on and on and on and forces Emimen to write yet another poxy bloody song about her.

But we’ve teased you for long enough – here’s The Warning by Eminem…

Now, whoever you choose to side with here, it’s probably fair to say that neither Eminem or Mariah Carey comes out of this looking particularly good. If you ask us, there’s nothing more pathetic than when someone starts publicly insulting another figure for no other reason than to boost their own warped desire for attention.

Which reminds, us – that Robert Pattinson, eh? What an arsehole.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter


  1. John Cash says

    Wow seriously just STFU, you are the worst blogger I have ever read. You make Perez Hilton lool like a pulitzer winner journalist. Your view is obviously distorted, nobody cares what you think.

  2. johnny says

    this is the worst blog i have ever heard in my life
    LISTEN to “Bagpipes for Baghdad” instead of saying “whatever Eminem said in the song”
    and try to sound more enthusiastic because this is probably the only job you will ever get with that much interest

  3. nibbles says

    seriously, how can you write an article about a song that you havnt even heard you noob. and no that song doesnt sound like goats getting pummled,. the beat is pretty damn sick thanks to dr. dre, yea hes some old black dude that works with eminem i heard hes good or something maybe hes made some beats before…but all of this is funny none the less, because em would lyrically murder almost anyone in the rap game (note i said rap, not hip-hop).

  4. Wench. says

    ‘Eminem would lyrically murder almost anyone in the rap game’?

    Jesus H Christ. If you are a 12 year old white girl, I will give you that. If not, shame on you for spewing blasphemy about rap.

    Note I said ‘rap’ and not ‘music for idiots’.

  5. says

    And the point of dishing shit if you think it sucks would be …? the thrill of seeing your name in the comments section? *insert eyeroll* from one snarky bitch to another: hecklerspray is HILARIOUS!

  6. lheia says

    what more can we see from mariah? we have seen it all so eminem don’t waste your time saving those voicemails and pictures mariah carey is exposed to this kind of stuff she’s mariah!

  7. Robyn says

    Yeah, you care so little that you bother to type in the website address, read the story, log in and leave a comment. I can see how utterly unaffected you are by this story.

    I thought it was funny. Sucks to be you, John Cash. IDST 😀

  8. &&7* says

    Was gud bittchess all I gottah say is dhat mariah sucked my dick b4 and I nutted on her 2 and she cheating on nick wit me his dick aint as big as mine yoooo I eat mariah 24/7 like 7 11 she open p 4 me all weelk

  9. says

    who are you ? mariah did not suck anything of yours because she is too good for that!!! and she is madly in loe with her husband nick cannon i bet if he read your comment he would set your asprin on fire!!! and dont be ahatter because mariah is not with you you are just Obsessed!!! and you done lost your mind!!! now i get why she wrote that song obssessed because of freaks like you!!! do me and all of us a favor get a life man!!!! stop hating on mariah carey!!!! would you please!!!!

  10. lamb says

    omg, get ur facts straight you retard, eminem has been writing about mariah since 2001, he talks about her on at least 3 songs before bagpipes…he’s a little deuche who can’t take rejection very well…obsessed is the 2nd song mariah wrote about him, first being ‘clown’ on charmbracelet album….
    personally i think they’re secretly in love lol

  11. Pamela Crenshaw says

    As a recovering alcohol I hope I never tried to fit in a dress 3 sizes too small as Mariah did at the People’s Choice awards. However I have never been that big. Why does such a beautiful, talented woman that she is, need so much attention that she tries to fit her fat ass in that small dress and her boobs are always hanging out. And she appeared drunk.Alcoholism doesn’t care who you are. Eminem I love your song. Keep up the good work, you can make a song out of anything.

  12. Madonna says

    Eminem is a pure illuminati demon

    While Mariah Carey is an angel inside and out with a golden heart. Whatever they say about her.

    JESUS knows everything… Liar goes to hell.