Just yesterday there were reports that Amy didn’t want her husband to come out of jail.

What is it about this family that makes them want to incarcerate their closest relatives so much?

Love?

And by ‘mental’ home, we don’t mean it in the modern-youthful sense of the word (i.e. a ‘wicked-fun time’) as if the hospice was run by clowns who could heal patient’s injuries with heavy doses of laughter.

We mean it in the traditional sense; the Syd Barrett sense; the Jon Bon Jovi sense.

Mitch is convinced that sectioning Amy is the only way to save her from killing herself. He said:

“I want her sectioned. The situation is getting out of control. I want her off the street.”

Should they ask her to go to rehab? Mitch say:

“I don’t think being somewhere for six weeks is going to cure her problems. I think it needs far more radical measures. We will take the bull by the horns and deal with it.”

Come on Mitch – we know she isn’t the prettiest girl, but her own father comparing her to a bull? That’s a tad harsh. He furthered a lot more:

“I’ve been on the phone to Amy’s manager in Los Angeles and he’s starting things rolling. They are going to be speaking to doctors, psychologists and everything else. I want Amy to be somewhere where she will be safe and where no harm can come to her. Obviously, as her dad, I will try and do what’s best for her. Unfortunately, what I think is best for Amy and what she thinks is best for her are two different things…and it might be that other parties might need to be involved…You need all four – the psychologists, the doctor, the local health authority and the next of kin – all to decide that somebody is sectionable. Now is the time to exert whatever pressure we have to try to do it. I’ve told them she is a danger to herself. There is evidence of self-harming and she’s a danger to other people because she’s attacked someone.”

Amy was released with a caution from Holborn police station yesterday morning for hitting Moroccan musician Mustapha el Mounmi after he refused to give way to her at a pool table. Mustapha said:

“I feel so angry. She smashed my face hard.”

Poor Mustapha; now he knows what a Joe Calzaghe opponent must feel like.

Then, after proceeding to play the game of pool – as poor victim Mustapha was legging it to the first policeman or journalist he could find – she allegedly head-butted a good samaritan trying to hail her a cab because – so it turns out – she thought he was trying to molest her.

Trying to molest her? What fucked-up method of taxi-hailing was he using? Maybe Amy felt the constant jerking of his thumb in an upwards movement was actually a mimed-innuendo of what he planned to do with her?

We can’t be sure as of yet if it is Amy exactly, but there is certainly some level of traditional-style mentalness going on here.

Read More – Lock Up My Amy – NOTW

And when your dad is Dog The Bounty Hunter, you'd better make sure that you play by the rules, unless you want to end up with 16 gallons of bear mace shot directly into your eyes and a florescent man with the hair of a cheap 1980s stripper shouting the word 'bra' condescendingly at you.

Tucker Chapman can't have known this, though, because he's been locked up in a correctional facility for all kinds of drug-based shenanigans.

In all of his 106 years on this planet, Dog The Bounty Hunter has only cried four times. Three of those happened when he accidentally held his can of bear mace back to front and shot himself in the eyes with it, and the other is when he went on Larry King to explain why he was such a massive racist. 

But now Dog The Bounty Hunter might have a reason to shed a tear for the sixth time. No, not because he's been off the air for so long that he's forgotten which way round to hold his mace can, but because his son Tucker Chapman has been sent to a correctional facility for repeatedly violating the terms of his parole.

That's the same Tucker Chapman, by the way, who sold that tape of Dog The Bounty Hunter being racist to the National Enquirer and thus caused the biggest crisis in Dog The Bounty Hunter's life apart from the time he stood on a rocky shore at midnight and caused six oil tankers to run aground in the mistaken belief that his glowing skin was a lighthouse. Funny how things turn out. TMZ reports:

Dog the Bounty Hunter's son, Tucker was taken to the Oahu Correction Facility on Friday for violating multiple terms of his parole… We're told a parole officer made Tucker check in to a rehab facility, which, we hear, Tucker walked away from. Sources tell us Tucker's parole officer executed a surprise home inspection this week, and didn't like what he found. The PO then brought Tucker in on Friday, revoked his parole and sent him to the slammer. Among his alleged violations — associating with known felons, failing a drug test and walking away from a rehab facility. 

It'd be hard enough to tell your parents that you've got into such stupid trouble whoever you are, but Tucker Chapman's dad – lest you need reminding again – is Dog The Bounty Hunter. By rights, Dog The Bounty Hunter should now be chasing Tucker Chapman down an alley squirting chemical nerve agent at the back of his head while roaring like the Cloverfield monster.

But the fall-out from the racism snafu has left Dog The Bounty Hunter a changed man. Instead of, say, smashing Tucker's head in a car door over and over again until he learns his lesson, Dog has issued a heartfelt status on the matter:

"I am heartbroken that this has occurred, but I am relieved that my son in now in a place where he can no longer hurt himself. To my bruddahs in the system: please don't hurt my son as he knows not what he does. I love my son and wish him the best."

That's right – Dog The Bounty Hunter uses the word 'bruddahs' even when writing a formal statement. No wonder Tucker's on drugs.

Still, though, Dog The Bounty Hunter does have a point. Tucker Chapman is in a place where he can no longer hurt himself. Plus, Dog The Bounty Hunter can totally be as racist as he likes without worrying that Tucker's secretly tapping his phone calls. Result.

Read more: 

Dog's Son Tucker Jailed for Parole Violations - TMZ