Even though Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s marriage was something of a surprise, one good thing about it was that their idiocy was self-contained. They could spend time together being irritating toward each other, occasionally giving us plebians a rest. However, they went and spoiled it all.

Since the couple split, they’re about to unleash their OOOH AREN’T I DIFFERENT AND FUNNY AND QUIRKY on the world again, however, now it’ll be ramped up because they have something to prove to each other.

So now, the circus of who Brand and Perry will try and have sex with next is rolling into town. So step up the most irritating actress of a generation and a farcical god-fearing American footballerist!

First up, we have Katy Perry. There’s a preposterous rumour going around that she’s having a romance with Tim Tebow. If you don’t know who Tebow is, then all you need to know is this: He plays American football for the Denver Broncos and he’s hilariously Christian. Seriously. To say he has a propensity for getting down on one-knee and thinking about God is an understatement. So frequent are his prayers that he’s probably shaved three years off his sporting career, slowly eroding his left praying knee.

Well, Perry dedicated a song to him at a pre-Super Bowl gig. Apparently, Perry’s mother is very keen to get her daughter with Tebow because she believes him to be ”handsome, charming, intelligent and above all, a good Christian.”

With that, Perry dedicated her song Peacock to him. She then proceeded to sing…

“I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock, your peacock, cock.”

Jesus H. Christ.

So what’s Brand doing? Well, he’s apparently got his sights set firmly on Zooey Deschanel. Not only does Zooey look a bit like Katy Perry, but she’s also a simpering fan of The Smiths, just like Brand. They can sit around listening to cod-poetic lyrics and coo about Johnny Marr’s hair.

A source told OK! magazine (massively trustworthy):

“Russell has had his eye on Zooey for a long time. And he’s been sending funny, flirty texts to see if they can get together. He thinks she’s hysterically funny and cute, too. He loves her quirky sense of humour, and thinks they’d be great together both on-and off-screen. There’s a real spark there.”

Whatever happens, we’ll probably all get to hear about it in a new version of Brand’s Booky Wook.

Now, can a government pass a law where we can round these four people up and have them flogged to death on a hillside for us all to see?

The big Christmas celeb-story was the Katy Perry/Russell Brand divorce announcement. For tabloids it had everything- she’s a lipstick lesbian and his addictive personality means that there has to be something either up his nose or on his dick at all times.

It’s been the latter for years now which has made him the thinking woman’s sexual predator of choice and a tabloid favourite.

What the tabloids don’t like is not having the sleazy details.

So January had a running commentary of updates and scoops based on almost no information whatsoever.

On the 2^nd January, the Daily Mail reported that:

“The comedian is in line for the huge lump sum in a 50/50 split of the couple’s earnings even after just 14 months of marriage.”

Had he expressed the slightest interest in doing this? No, and since he has a perfectly successful career speaking eloquently about grand themes and his ballbag, it is unlikely to happen either.  So what is the story actually telling us? Well the original article, before editing, actually read

“Wen a man and a ladie dont luv each other anymor they have a divorse and sumtimes wun ov them wants half of the things the other one hav. I no sum peepel calld katy and russel and they am getting divorsd.”

On Wednesday The Mirror showed a picture of Russell Brand taking off his wedding ring in a promotional video. You may think it was simply part of a joke about meeting college girls on a forthcoming tour (principally because it was). Think again, you sweet naifs. It could actually mean one of two things because it has caused speculation that

“it either caused the split or they had already parted before it was made”.

They couldn’t even be bothered to decide which story to go with! Maybe one day all newspapers will do this and read like 1980s Fighting Fantasy game books.

“If you think the reason for the recession is the financial policies of the previous Labour government please turn to page 4. If you feel that it is the inevitable result of a profit-driven capitalist system please turn to page 7.”

They could then appeal to everyone’s prejudice and ideology simultaneously and consequently sell more copies!

The Sun inserted their own motive into Perry’s actions when reporting on the 11^th January that Katy Perry wasn’t going to attend the People’s Choice show

“as she gets over her split from hubby Russell Brand, where she is nominated for two awards”

(which made it even more impressive when they reported the next day that she had won five).

More award ceremony attendance news could be found on the Daily Mail’s website on the 16^th when they reported that Russell Brand had arrived in LA for the Golden Globes and had eaten a meal. Or as they phrased it

“Russell Brand dined alone late last night in Los Angeles while trying to gather his thoughts ahead of a meeting with his estranged wife.”

Presumably they had despatched Benedict Cumberbatch’s Sherlock Holmes to cover the storythrough observation and deduction

“You are eating alone, so are currently single. You have a tan line where you recently removed a wedding ring, probably for a recent promotional video for a forthcoming tour, so the split is permanent. There are remnants of blue hair dye on your trousers so I deduce you were married to pop star fembot Katy Perry who recently cancelled her appearance at the People’s Choice Awards. You have stopped talking about your winkie for ten minutes so must be gathering your thoughts before some kind of stressful meeting, probably with the estranged Katy Perry”.

If using wiki is research for the 21^st century, then looking at Twitter is what passes for investigative journalism. So on 21^st January with the info-well run truly dry the Mail reported that Perry had ‘unfollowed’ Brand which is surely the most desperate excuse for a story yet.

They also explained how Perry felt about the break-up by using quotes by ‘sources’. Unfortunately the only quote they could attribute to Perry herself was a tweet where she stated that no-one speaks for her. By that she did of course mean no-one aside from journalists and anonymous-definitely-not-made-up journalistic sources.

Christians eh? They never say the right thing do they? That’s probably because they seek advice from a made-up God. You may as well ask Sooty to whisper wisdom in your ear or seek teachings from the sound of a conch shell.

And two Christians – notably the ones that gave birth to Katy Perry – have irritated their famous daughter by saying that her split with Russell Brand ain’t all bad because, as a result, there’s been increased interest in their missionary.

How delightful. Of course, the outspoken Katy isn’t having that and has tweeted a missive against them, or so it seems. It’s okay though. She can say what she wants. That’s because Christians are contractually obliged to forgive everyone, no matter what.

Over the weekend, Perry took to Twitter to speak publicly for the first time since the split. She wrote:

“I am so grateful for all the love and support I’ve had from people around the world. You guys have made my heart happy again.”

So far, so celebrity-humble. However, it didn’t last long and the paranoid glare of someone surrounded by the deafening chatter from beyond the velvet rope reared up.

“Concerning the gossip, I want to be clear that NO ONE speaks for me. Not a blog, magazine, ‘close sources’ or my family.”

Get that mom and dad? You can shut your stupid Christian cake-holes! You might wanna try being a bit more Buddhist about it and using your daughter’s grief as a time of quiet, introspective reflection instead of talking to the press.

Although, don’t stop entirely. We’ll have nothing to write about then.

We shouldn’t worry though because, the reality of it all is, Brand and Perry will now be in a race to see who can have the most public shag or orgy as they bid to get first to the punch. It’s going to be brilliant, then irritating, then kinda sad and ultimately, of no importance to any of us while they both slide into obscurity.

When an ex-serial sex pest and constantly touring pop star get married, you can be assured that everything will end happily ever after, can’t you? With constant media coverage covering their every move like they’re some sort of wild animal, what could go wrong for Katy Perry and Russell Brand?

You have to question the actions of a couple who haven’t been together long since their Hindu ceremony just over a year ago. Not because we have anything against a religion that prays to elephants, but Katy Perry’s parents are devout Christians. So you’d at least think that her folks would want God to give the thumbs up over Ganesha.

As of yet, there have been no reasons given as to why the marriage collapsed. But before anyone suggests that the two simply drifted apart, wild theories are already being thrown around. Of course, we’re inclined to believe them, so imagine our surprise that Rihanna’s name has been named as one of the rotters who messed everything up.

Doing a piece of detective work based on pure lyrical logic, we are going on a hunch that Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it. Presumably, her husband Russell Brand didn’t and subsequently filed for divorce. Though we imagine it was done by his PA or faxed through.

So where does Rihanna fit into all of this? 2011 saw her release a new single every 36 seconds and tour a record number of cities that she’d never heard of. HELLO MANCHESTSHIRE! Well it appears the crazy and up-for-anything Russell Brand has calmed down a helluva lot. Gone are the days when he shot junk and dressed as Osama Bin Laden for work. Instead, free range organic tea is his poison of chance. Rihanna doesn’t approach life calmly. In fact, she might have been partying too hard with Katy Perry leading her to a path that Brand disapproved of. According to reports:

“Russell didn’t like his wife hanging out with the sexy singer because the women used to party together. And Russell, being a recovering heroin and sex addict, didn’t think the friendship between Katy and the singer from Barbados was good for their marriage.”

Everybody likes a good party don’t they? Even we’ll try and hide the usual miserable expression on our faces for something people call a “smile” when the opening shapes of the conga are thrown. But if the same reports are to be believed, the situation might be a little awkward:

“Rihanna called and texted Katy all throughout the New Year’s Eve weekend, perhaps influencing her on what to do and where to go to stay out of the limelight. If this is the case, the superstar may have influenced Katy to give up on her marriage and move on as a single woman. And maybe that’s why Katy has been spotted happy in Hawaii, while Russell is looking gloom in London.”

Trust us; they’ll be some sort of musical retort to this marriage breakdown. There’s no doubt that Katy Perry will enlist her pal Rihanna to re-record this nineties classic with directly altered lyrics to show Russell Brand who’s boss:

Hey! Did you hear about Russell Brand and Katy Perry spending Christmas away from each other? They haven’t been married very long have they? You’d think they’d want to spend the festives (aka Some Time Off Work) together, right?

Well, aside from the myriad of perfectly legitimate reasons why this happened, they’re quite obviously splitting up.

Why? Because that’s what everyone wants. Basically, they’ve got the temerity to appear rather fond of each other. Mercifully, there’s a source on-hand to tell us all otherwise, which is incredibly convenient.

The pair had apparently planned for Katy’s family to get whisked to London via private jet for the holidays, but alas, Perry changed her mind and decided instead, to faff around in Hawaii with her friends.

The source says:

“They had a massive fight. She was like, ‘F–k you. I’m going to do my own thing.’ Russell replied, ‘Fine, f–k you too.’”

So that’s why Katy Perry was papped in a bikini while frollicking around in the Pacific Ocean off Kauai without her wedding ring! That’s why Brand was sat in a pub in Coverack, Cornwall!

Of course, previous stories about this pair have been about pregnancy and near constant reminders of Brand’s former penchant for heroin, but alas, as relapses and baby-bumps weren’t fast enough, we’ve had to focus our attentions on looking for cracks to form in their relationship.

That source again:

“They haven’t split up just yet, but things are not good. The fighting is getting worse.”

Why?

“Katy doesn’t think Russell respects her parents’ Christian beliefs or her friends.”

WILL THEY SPLIT IN 2012?! God, we hope so! And if they could time it with a quiet news day, that would be ideal! Many thanks, The Media.

When celebrities get married, everyone turns into meddling grandmas, demanding offspring because our lives are so hopelessly empty that we need that brief moment of alleviating joy, lived vicariously through someone else.

Christ knows no-one wants to actually have sex with us, let alone have our children, right?

And the latest couple getting their groins shoved toward each other are Katy Perry and Russell Brand. They basically look like they’re having far too much fun as a couple and, as such, we must make them mature into parents… indeed, we must halt their leisure time immediately with shitty nappies, sleepless nights and silent seething.

And so, with the world staring at the stomachs of every female celebrity on Earth, expectantly, some have noticed that Katy Perry is looking slightly more rotund than usual.

THIS MEANS SHE IS, WITHOUT DOUBT, PREGNANT.

Or, she really needs a big poo. You may mock, but the latter is actually closer to the truth. You see, we suspect Perry and Brand to be indulging in something of a sham marriage which helped her to break the British market and help him get work in America.

Basically, they’re not even sexing each other so how is she going to get pregnant? As such, she’s keen to quash these rumours and told everyone that, basically, she’s greedy.

When asked if she was expecting her first baby with Russell Brand, the chinny hitmaker replied:

“Hell no!”

“I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell and if you want to make that pregnant that’s your problem. I still love drinking alcohol, so not yet.”

So there you have it. Katy Perry isn’t pregnant because she’s actually living a life of junk food and copious amounts of booze.

Basically, she’s behaving like she’s from absolutely anywhere in Britain.

At the moment, ‘Sexy’ Dr. Conrad Murray is facing an uphill struggle in an American court as he and his team of lawyers attempt to prove he didn’t give Michael Jackson enough painkillers to take down a herd of elephants. The trial is barely getting started and we’re beginning to tire of boring experts telling us whether it was possible for Jackson to top himself.

Until surprise witnesses like the Cadburys Caramel Bunny are brought in for a testimony, we’re not really bothered about what’s happening.

However, in non-Michael Jackson criminal news, a ghoulish evening related to the king of pop is happening soon. That’s right, Hallowe’en is fast approaching. How about replicating Jackson’s famous ghostly pale appearance? Or going that extra mile and recreating his legendary wonky nose? You might think we’re taking a cheap shot at the Thriller video; but we’re not. He came up trumps according to search engine statistics.

People often accuse us of making childish jokes about Michael Jackson being an innocent paedophile, plying kids with wine and having a monkey as a pet but in reality, you people out there reading this are the ones that are sick in the head.

We know that the internet never lies.

Thanks to the world wide web, we’ve won the lottery more times than we can remember, had long lost Chinese ancestors inform us our next of kin wants to shower us with yen and best of all, we’re always offered free technology for clicking on a website at the right time! So how do we know about Jackson then? Someone cleverer than us used some kind of fancy-dan internet technology-searchy-majigger to find out.

With the results below, here’s why they would put the fear of God into any children who went trick or treating round their houses. And if you want to achieve the look, just follow our handy style advice:

1) Michael Jackson (31%)

Get someone who’s partially blind to butcher your hair, lightly smash your cheekbones with a claw hammer until that sunken in effect takes place and top off with a smearing of hooker lipstick. Or the innocent blood of children.

2) Katy Perry (25%)

Some people say women are fake creatures who hide behind layers of makeup, fake tan, hair extensions, enhanced boobs, botox and false nails. Katy Perry certainly proves how these tips and tricks can work wonders for you.

3) Charlie Sheen (14%)

Prepare for Halloween by spending the entire morning and afternoon snorting a bucket load of cocaine, #winning, drinking tiger blood and mincing around with porn stars, prostitutes and mistresses. It won’t tire you out at all. While you’re at it, you might as well have some cocaine for dinner too.

4) Barack Obama (12%)

If you searched “Barack Obama” + “costume” then you’re an idiot. Obama is the coolest bloke in the world; anyone attempting to cover themselves in shoe polish to vaguely look like him is an idiot.

5) Snooki (11%)

A picture says a thousand words.

6) Amy Winehouse (7%)

Looking zoned out on booze and drugs generally happens to people at the end of the night, so you may end up doing what Amy Winehouse did all of her career; beginning with promise and professionalism but ending as a tragic reminder of what social poisons do to you.

Just say no to the heroin, okay?

So there you have it, readers. Using our handy guide you too can look like your favourite celebrity nutjob this Hallowe’en.

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God, it’s been an exciting week, hasn’t it? All that meth and all those Curly Wurlys you’ve been eating. Your excitement has literally burnt through your eyes so you can fully necessitate new levels of awesome and amazingness and degenerative myopia.

Now to top it all off, it’s Boot Camp on the X Factor. It’s like all those wars and murders and hurricanes never really happened, when you think about it.

And hey! All that pesky retrograde amnesia we all happen to suffer from can be such a bother sometimes, can’t it? Thank the stars for ITV1, that they cater to our whims and remind us about what happened on every single X Factor episode (except for anything that could prove the continued existence of Kate Thornton) at the start of every new show. It’s just ever so helpful, because nothing really solves a problem like Maria brain trauma like an X Factor double bill as we always say.

Oh double drat and darn it, we’ve only gone and forgotten again. God, if only there was an official hecklerspray guide on what happened on the past five weeks of X Factor 2011 to jog our waning, stupid brains!

And TALKING of official hecklerspray guides on what happened on the past five weeks of X Factor 2011…

HERE’S THE OFFICIAL HECKLERSPRAY GUIDE ON WHAT HAPPENED ON THE PAST FIVE WEEKS OF X FACTOR 2011!

Week One – A man sung a song. He didn’t get through because he was ugly and sad.  We don’t like ugly and sad men much anyway, so it was no bother, especially after years of putting up with Martine McCutcheon.
Week Two – Someone didn’t sing Adele. Sorry, we just can’t take all these lies and depravity any more – Someone did actually sing Adele. Sorry again.
Week Three – The episode was a figurative emotional rollercoaster which took our emotions literally up and down, akin to that of being on an actual rollercoaster.
Week Four – We ALL know what happened. Let us not talk about it again.
Week Five – We were so inspired by what we learnt about music, that we went back in time, gave Mark Chapman a gun and a Kelly Rowland album, and let nature take its course.

Thank god that happened. That pretty much puts us up to date. As it stands, this Saturday’s show left us with the 187 Greatest Singers in The United Kingdom who were then put up against each other to see who could sing the most annoying Cee Lo Green cover, and then were to be whittled down to the 32 Greatest Singers in the United Kingdom instead.

And Tulisa Condomsduringtherenaissanceweremadeofintestinesandbladder uttered, without a trace of irony:

“Great isn’t good enough, they have to be amazing.”

Yes. Tulisa says this despite the solid cold fact that in the N Dubz song ‘Defeat You’, the lyrics clearly declare – “Yo, 2008! Or should I say GREAT?” which would imply that Tulisa has had no problems in the past associating with musicians who think things are great instead of amazing. Just saying.

“Two words. Car. Crash.”

Says Gary to raucous cackles from Kelly Rowland. Nothing funny about car crashes if you ask us, guys. Pretty serious business, we think you’ll find.

The actual show bothered to kick in about forty minutes later, and we were greeted to a lovely selection of home truths from all the contestants that we already know are getting through to the live shows, due to the ITV1 editors being numbheads and us being utter sexy geniuses. Craig Colton talked of his fears of just wanting to ‘prove to the world that I can sing’, like we were all in major dispute about the matter for several years prior to even knowing who the hell this guy was. “This is a lot scarier than what I faced in the army” another contestant confessed. Ha! Take that, honesty and logic!

Firstly, the judges used the set of Logan’s Run to eliminate some of the contestants that they put through in the first round when they were completely caked off their faces on Kelly’s home-made brownies presumably, whilst we were forced to watch all the potential X Factor contestants dance at a ‘party’ having a ‘good time’. God, to be a fly on the wall. Not at an X Factor contestant party, obviously that’d be awful. Just a general fly on a wall. One of those Jeff Goldblumm-y ones. That’d be cool.

After making their certifiably REALLY TOUGH DECISIONS, the judges made all the contestants stand in a field and shooed away the ones that they didn’t like. Then they cry. Fortunately, the supreme loveliness of the field washes away any doubt we may or may not have had about the cruelty of the music industry.

Literally twenty minutes into the programme, some smart-ass has the absolutely amazing idea to let the remaining contestants actually sing on a TV show about singing. Well, kind of. Queue shedloads of CandiStatonbutnotreally covers of ‘You Got the Love’, which is our favourite song in the entire world to be strangled to.

The most amazing part of the section was the bit where the contestants actually got genuinely upset at one another because they wanted to sing a particular portion of Florence Welch’s improvised whale moan. It’s really terrible and awful, obviously. Can’t Bob Geldof sort this out or something?

Lots and LOTS and LOTS of people continued to sing You Got the Love to continuing levels of mass suicide, including a man called Max Vickers who had the audacity to wear a jumper and attempt to get away with it, sing like a Warner Brother’s cartoon and, to top it off, dare to just walk around calling himself Max Vickers and expect us all to just deal with that. Absolutely no respect, whatsoever.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, along camesa joker called ‘Eskimo Smile’. Christ on various means of stinking transport! That’s really going to be hard to get over. Thank god we are expressively professional about all matters such as this all the time. Sorry. Really. We will never ever mention the name Eskimo Smile ever again. Never again will the worlds Eskimo Smile escape from our lips. RIP hecklerspray talking about how Eskimo Smile is called Eskimo Smile. Eskimo. Smi-yul.

Elsewhere, Janet Devlin tragically did not suffer any degree of laryngitis and returned to the stage to sing a song about ‘hearts not breaking even’ which makes no sense, Janet. A number of things are problematic about a song which discusses ‘hearts not breaking even’, but if there is any particular way to make it sound as momentously and categorically more hideous than it already does, it’s by singing said song with a head band stapled to your forehead.

Alright, credit where it’s due – maybe Janet just really, really likes Rambo. But she doesn’t, because she watches Juno whilst liking ‘Juno’ on Facebook, thinking about how great Juno is. What an endearing little shiteseagull.  She was then rather annoyingly followed up by a guy called Lemuel Knights, which is just exhausting. Lemuel Knights… Just stop, please. Just stop being called Lemuel Knights for FIVE MINUTES. Lemuel Knights… Really. Was that even recommissioned by Channel 4, anyway?

From this point on in the show, things began to progressively dip from ‘amazing’ to ‘great’, just like we all feared. Because obviously from there, it’s just a slippery slope from ‘good’, to ‘okay’ to ‘STOP SINGING YOU LOOK LIKE CANCER.’

Nothing like Johnny Robinson to waltz on in and provide us with the latter in a menagerie of ways – most specifically with his version of Firework. A version of Firework that was so utterly terrifying, we will take it to the grave. Actually, come to think of it, we will definitely not take Johnny Robinson’s interpretation of a Katy Perry song with us to the grave, because we want to be cool sexy ghosts.

… Moving swiftly on, our absolute favourite woman in the universe (who has auditioned for X Factor) was up next in the shape of ‘Goldie’. You remember Goldie from the audition stages of course vomiting profusely into a bag before raping oxygen rapidly over and over until someone told her she could go through to the next round out of sheer exhaustion. This time, Goldie did not disappoint, and thrusted her raw, confused body with such purpose and devotion to a Born This Way backing track that we genuinely believe she has the potential to be one of God’s Chosen Flesh Peddlers. Hallelujah! Sincerest Man to Ever Come From a Non Descript District of the North West Gary Barlow pretends to look sincere as Goldie throws bits of her labia all over her face. No, not metaphorically. Don’t be stupid. Louis pretends not to look liberated and goes for a mortally offended facial expression instead, just to cover his tracks.

The rest of the show can be summed up with these closing pieces of information.

*The woman with the stupid eyebrows no longer has stupid eyebrows. She now has a stupid turban as well.

*More than one person can sing the song You Got the Love with all the exact same flecks and nuances as Florence Welch.

*Nobody bothered to mention to one woman the fact that she had melted corpses soaked in Ribena in her hair when she categorically definitely did have melted corpses soaked in Ribena in her hair.

*Joe Cox has LOW SELF ESTEEM, probably because of his really weird face. Fancy a snuggle?

*NotAdele Jade McNotAdele or whatever her name is, is going to be all over our faces and souls for the next couple of months, so get all your sexy sex-cells out of your system now before she saps the love and natural lubricant out of every single one of us.

*Lots of people were made to go home and they all cried. Coincedently, lots of people wear fingerless studded gloves. By further coincedence, lots of people are idiots. Cheers for that one, ‘fate’.

In part two, the whittled down contestants will be further whittled down until they are merely bloody stumps of human flesh who had the privilege of talking to Gary Barlow once. See you then, if you can handle it. (You totally can’t.)

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Russell Brand has opened his mouth and let a load of words come out that have made disabled people either cry, or want to viciously beat him up with their angry, angry fists.

Has he ill-advisedly said that Katy Perry looks ‘a bit special sometimes’?

NO! Don’t be an idiot. He’s called Paralympic athletes “novelty ­value”, which is nice of him isn’t it? This, naturally, has made a thousand unprintable jokes run through the head of team ‘spray which is most infuriating.

Just 2 days after Sith Lord Coe patronised the International Paralympic Day, Brand decided to make a funny with his brain and share it with the world who had long stopped listening.

During a gig, the man with American equine teeth, said:

“I don’t give a f*** about the Olympics. It’s boring Blue Peter sport and a waste of taxpayers’ money.

“At least the Paralympics have some kind of novelty value or something.”

This caused Paralympians to sharpen their guns.

David Weir, who is some kind of athlete with a load of medals, said:

“Calling the sport a novelty is offensive. It’s not like I get up, do one ­marathon then go to bed for the rest of the year. I train every day – I am no different to Paula Radcliffe. Brand obviously hasn’t met any Paralympians. If he did he certainly wouldn’t call any of us a novelty.”

And Weir clearly hasn’t met a stand-up comedian who might say things they really don’t mean, just to get a laugh (even if it’s a little careless or irresponsible).

It’s at this point, we’re legally obliged to bring up Sachsgate, where Brand took the piss out of an old man who used to be on Fawlty Towers.

Either way, you can remember this story and, in the future, use it as a reason to hate him amongst your friends who really like him, saying things like “Sorry, I just don’t like comedians who hate disabled people”

You’re welcome.

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