Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. You know, you really had me for a second last week with those zingers at your ass-grabbing trial. I really liked you for about 30 seconds, but, as I predicted in that very blog, I knew it wouldn’t last.
Well, last night Taylor Swift dropped her new single “Look What You Made Me Do” and, to the shock of no one, it made me want to backhand her for so much fucking reasons. Let’s begin, shall we?
Taylor’s mess of a new song features such profound lyrics as:
“I got smarter, I got harder in the nick of time/ Honey, I rose up from the dead, I do it all the time/ I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red, underlined/ I check it once, then I check it twice.” (Bitch sounds like creepy Santa).
“I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now/ Why? Oh, ‘cause she’s dead!”
The fuck is this shit? T. Swift coming out here talking about karma and people making her have to toughen up and she’s not going to play nice anymore. Bitch, when were you ever playing nice? YOU released the first diss track in this Katy Perry feud and YOU lied about Kanye West calling you about the lyrics to “Famous”. Get over your eternal victim narrative and just own up to not being a very nice person. (I really need to point out that she wrote this song with Lena Dunham’s boyfriend lolololol).
The old Taylor is dead? You mean the one that pretended she wasn’t an uppity, mean-spirited, white feminist when it benefited her brat? So now you’re just going to openly be a fucking bitch and embrace your snake status? Cute, cute. I’m fine with that.
Swift’s new album, Reputation, drops on November 10th, which literally meant nothing to me until the internet (bless the internet, am I right?) pointed out that it SHOULD mean something. This November 10th is the TEN YEAR anniversary of Kanye West’s mother’s death. Taylor Swift is way too fucking contrived and petty for that to be a coincidence.
SPEAKING OF CONTRIVED! Roslyn Talusan wrote an article about Taylor Swift’s contrived fuckery today that REALLY hit the nail on the head for me. Here’s a super cute excerpt:
“Great, Swift donated to charities to help survivors [of sexual assault], and she chose to fight back against her assailant in court. I’m glad she admitted that she’s in an incredibly privileged position—but she doesn’t get a cookie for pointing out the obvious. The work that goes into creating and marketing an album is time-consuming and laborious. Swift’s been planning her comeback for months, and legal proceedings are scheduled well in advance. The timing here is far too convenient to believe that the lawsuit and her subsequent victory aren’t part of her strategy to promote her album. Feminism has never been a moral or ethical imperative to Swift—it’s a marketing strategy.”
Leave it to Taylor fucking Swift to exploit the death of Kanye West’s mother and survivors of sexual abuse to make her triumphant comeback.
As Nicki Minaj said on Twitter just moments after Taylor’s song dropped:
“N—gas sit down. Be Humble.”
And I shall leave you with this….