Remarkably, there have been bucket loads of Michael Jackson branded merchandise flying around since his sudden death in 2009. You might go as far as saying that some people are attempting to cash in on his name, not forgetting obvious tie-ins like unreleased tunes, which feature songs deemed not good enough to make original album cuts at the time.

But who are making these decisions that make Jackson a brand? His children are too young and it wouldn’t be Janet Jackson, she’s too busy trying to forge a successful career.

Digging a little further, it seems that Joe Jackson is the driving force making all the killer deals that see Michael Jackson appear on mugs and t-shirts. Though we’ve yet to see an image of his face on a packet of syringes or prescription meds. It seems however, that one imminent deal is looking dodgy; Michael Jackson fans will be dismayed to hear that the chance to smell like their idol has come into difficulty.

Even though he closely resembles Jabba the Hutt, the old withering creature that is Joe Jackson is continually brokering agreements that mean he can leech off his dead son for a little bit longer. We doubt that during his time on the planet, Michael Jackson would have given a huge chunk of his earnings to his further as thanks to all the beatings he received as a child. Thus shaping him as the person we all loved through the medium of popular music.

It’s a well known fact that Michael Jackson fans are quite a dedicated bunch of people. Granted, they might go on the occasional psychopathic rant or do something extreme like tattooing a picture of Bubbles the monkey across their face, but we can forgive them. But we guess that where there’s supply for wacko jacko goodies, they’ll always be demand. Joe Jackson seemingly knows this and has decided to launch and market a perfume called “Jackson Legend.”

But something smells fishy to us (no, that’s not the aroma of the fragrance) -  while the name Jackson is paraded around, there isn’t a direct connection to Michael Jackson himself. Therefore, you could associate any other sort of Jackson with it – Tito, Randy, Dave or even Marlon. Was this even an attempt to forge more trashy tribute products? Or just flog overpriced goods to morons? An impressive launch was planned, but in typical Jackson style, it all went wrong.

Not wanting any physical contact with the person who made the actual product? That’s probably not going to go down very well, though it does sound similar to Michael Jackson’s nose – that organ kept on trying to detach itself of his face and have nothing to do with him. No doubt we’ll see countless arguments, court visits and somewhere along the line, the mention of Dr. Conrad Murray. But rest assured, everyone we’ve been told that the scent is coming our way:

“The perfumes will be on sale in the US very soon, and in September in France. A 50 ml bottle will cost 40 dollars in America and about 40 Euros in France.”

We’d swim other to France and queue up now for a bottle, but we don’t think we’d be able to survive on a typical French diet of gunky cheese and filterless cigarettes.

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We live in a world where you can’t mentally and physically abuse one of your children without getting crossed off the will. Frankly, it’s unfair. If it wasn’t for those constant ass-whuppings, Michael Jackson would never have sung so good in the Jackson 5, right?

And now, poor ol’ Joe has seen all that hard work he put into absolutely terrifying his son half to death, thrown back in his face. All those long, gruelling hours threatening to kill him and tear Michael a new arse with the buckle end of the belt, now mean nothing.

That’s right. A mere 24 hours after Michael Jackson was crowned as the top-earning corpse celebrity, a California appeals court rejected a bid by Joe Jackson to challenge the administration of his son’s estate.

Completely forgetting all those blister shaped favours Joe did for him, Michael excluded his father from his affairs in favor of making attorney John Branca and music executive John McClain the executors of his will.

Basically, this means that Joe ‘Just say you walked into a door, okay?’ Jackson won’t be getting any money from the late singer’s estate.

This of course, didn’t stop him from trying to wrestle some control over post-death financial affairs involving his famous son. It seems that you can’t thrash the legs of the legal system in the hope it will cry and do whatever you tell it to.

Anyway, when the appeals court heard arguments in the estate case, it questioned several steps taken by Joe, including withdrawing his request for a monthly stipend and conveniently failing to mention that he planned to file a wrongful death lawsuit against Dr. Conrad Murray.

Quite why Joe Jackson needs money now, other than shark-eyed greed, isn’t clear. He’s got a bunch of other famous sons who can help him out and, surely, he’s made enough cash over the years to never work again… right?

Either way, Joe Jackson’s lawyer, Brian Oxman, said he plans to appeal to the California Supreme Court. Because that’s exactly what a still grieving family needs isn’t it?

Michael Jackson’s estate has earned $275 million in the past 12 months, which is clearly making this family turn on each other like rabid dogs in a pen.

Michael Jackson’s kids are probably loving all this, eh? From one very famous and upset child who grew up damaged to three more.

Joe Jackson must be thrilled with his lot in life.

Next week: Back to goading MJ fans with lame, unsubstantiated jokes about his alleged blah blah blah…

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Michael Jackson fans love us writing about their favourite popstar. We pull their noses and they get to try and outdo each other with hyperbolic claims of infatuation and true fandom. We all prop each other up, like recovering drunks in a day centre.

Someone who loves Michael Jackson more than any of us is his dad Joe. Or, more accurately, Joe really loves those pennies that MJ earned in his life.

As such, Joe Jackson is now going through the courts to get his mitts on the moolah.

Joe has been granted a court date to argue that his son Michael’s estate executors should be removed. Presumably, he’s not too impressed with the way that the current team are respecting Michael’s wishes to leave his dad piss-all money.

And now, a court in California set a court date (if you’re the kind of idiot who hangs around these court houses with pointless placards, then the date is October 6) for Joe’s appeal, which will see the man who used to make Michael Jackson vomit with fear attempting to oust estate executors John Branca and John McClain.

Michael didn’t include Joe in his will, but that’s not stopping our heavy-handed soul parent. He’s claiming that he should have the right to dismiss any potential executors because he was financially dependant on his son during the popstar’s final years.

Of course, since Jacko died, his corpse has been raking it in, and if we’ve noticed, then our Joe will have noticed even more. Tune in next week when Joe Jackson grafts a beak, wings and vulture’s hump onto his body and he circles car-crashes looking for bones to lick clean.

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Well that’s it. The one true Hollywood love story is coming to a close.

Also Katherine & Joe Jackson are calling it quits after 60 years of marriage. As we understand it the last straw was when Katherine caught Joe belt-whipping Michael’s corpse and telling it to rot better. Because that’s supposed to be what he did while the boys would dance – get it? See what we did there?

The elder Jackson marriage is reportedly so done that even Dr. Conrad Murray wouldn’t be able to resuscitate it. Not that he’d try, mind you.

What could cause the participants in a sixty year old marriage to file for divorce. We think it probably had something to do with the way Joe would always take out his teeth to slurp down his breakfast grits. There his dental work would sit – staring at you on the breakfast-nook table while a little drool puddle formed underneath them. 59 years is all we’d be able to take of that too.

That or it’s got to do with the jerk-wad interviews the man’s been giving lately. In fact – in one interview he’s said to have blamed his wife for their son’s death. Pop Crunch sums it up:

“Katherine, 80, has filed for divorce after Joe — long suspected of abusing his prodigy son Michael as a child, blamed his estranged wife for the icon’s death in an interview with British tabloid News of the World. Speaking about the months leading up to the Michael’s death, outspoken Joe, 81, said of his wife: “I begged her to go over and stay with him, but she insisted he needed his privacy. The betrayal is said to be the last straw for Katherine.”

And that, folks, is the sixty year ender. We’d like to know if this means they’ll have to give back 60 years of anniversary presents. If so – we certainly hope they remember the silver platter with the buck-naked images of themselves engraved on it was from us. That thing was expensive – carved by hand with only a carpentry nail.

But then we’ve always been good gift givers.

We’d also like to know how they’re gonna split everything. Like Michael – will one of them get the body & the other get the brain that was definitely removed from it’s skull? And who’ll get all the burkas he used to wear in Bahrainian ladies rooms?

Joe will probably get the Burkas. It’s just our gut feeling.

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As shocking and sad as Michael Jackson’s death obviously was, at least one good thing has emerged from it.

Joe Jackson. Barmy old mad-eyed Joe Jackson. He’s just exceptional value as a human being. Whether he’s skulking around in the immediate aftermath of Michael Jackson’s death trying to promote CDs to the nearest camera crew or claiming that Michael’s estate needs to pay him $20,000 a month to cover his food and rent outgoings, Joe Jackson has been nothing less than a shining model of everything that’s brilliant about humanity.

Obviously since there’s just over a week to go until the first anniversary of Michael Jackson’s death, Joe Jackson will no doubt keep himself to himself for the foreseeable… oh, no, our mistake – he’s just said that Michael’s death was all the fault of his wife Katherine Jackson. Whoops.

Since Michael Jackson died last year, the message from the Jackson camp has been constant and clear – it was Dr Conrad Murray‘s fault. It was he, they say, who injected Michael with the fatal dose of industrial anaesthetic. Never mind that he was carrying out Michael’s wishes, or that someone else would have done it if he had refused, or that Michael Jackson’s drug use had been a barely-kept secret for years – Dr Conrad Murray killed Michael Jackson and that was that.

Which is great, except that Michael Jackson’s dear old dad Joe Jackson – the same Joe Jackson, incidentally, who Michael Jackson accused of child abuse and then cut out of his will – has decided to break ranks and blame it on Michael’s mother. He really is a very wonderful man, you know. EW reports:

Joe Jackson alleges that his son’s death was a result of his wife Katherine’s inaction. “I said, ‘If you had listened to me, Michael would be living now!’ I kept thinking about the times I had stood in front of her saying something was wrong. Katherine didn’t say a word. I had to get away from her. If she’d done what I asked, Michael would be here today. I am incensed with her.”

Finally! Someone’s found the balls to step forward and blame someone else for notoing  dsomething that they themselves were perfectly capable of doing whenever they wanted. Joe Jackson, you’re our hero. Someone should build a statue of you. Made of gold. That rotates so it always faces the sun. And, yes, we are saying that so you don’t beat us up, you ridiculous octogenarian bellend.

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Parents, we all have them. And we all have memories of them.

From the time you crapped yourself in a busy shopping centre to when your father started using swearwords in full conversation. Face it, we’ve all been there. Well that’s unless you’re a weird test-tube child and you were grown for scientific amusement.

Sadly, not all relationships between parents and their offspring can go smoothly. There can be a variety of reasons of this. In the case of Michael Jackson he objected to his dad Joe Jackson whipping the stuffing out of him. But time heals all and love conquers emotions. Or, if your son has raked in as much posthumous money as Michael Jackson, then time means that daddy gets an easy payday.

It’s been well documented that, as a child, Michael Jackson didn’t really have much time to ride his bike on the pavement, sell awful-tasting homemade lemonade or play baseball like everyone else. Instead, he was forced to attend various singing and dancing classes. For Joe Jackson, it paid off and all of his children went off to have successful careers. Apart from LaToya. And Janet lately. And the one with the hat.

After all the beatings, Michael decided to omit Joe Jackson from his will when he suddenly died this year. Why an apparent fit and healthy man makes a will is unclear to us, we plan to just let everyone fight over our possessions. While his father was left out, provisions were made for his mother and children. So couldn’t daddy Jackson just beat one of them until they gave him some money? No – he’ll just ignore the will put a claim in for some of Michael Jackson’s money instead. So what does he need the money for? according to BBC News:

“Joe Jackson’s outgoings were listed in the court papers and included rent for his Las Vegas home, meals out, air travel and hotel accommodation.”

Christ, he sounds like some sort of really groomed male escort doesn’t he? Just how much does all of this rack up to each month? Incredibly it’s in the region of $20,000. Does Joe Jackson only eat meat reared from penguins and take flights to random destinations on tiny islands that he claims are his own country? Probably, BBC News reports again that he currently only receives $1700 from the estate. He’d never last in Stoke.

Since Michael Jackson has earned close to $100 million since his death, he truly is getting the last laugh up in heaven. After all, nobody can force him to give money to people he doesn’t want to. And as far as we know, heaven has no legal system so he can get away with whatever he wants!

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Michael Jackson did not want to be buried. Everybody knows this – plus there’s no plot of ground that could possibly hold his greatness anyway.

On top of that – it’s common knowledge that in a 1987 Esquire magazine interview he clearly stated that upon death, in place of burial he wished his skeleton to be disassembled and turned into the world’s smallest roller coaster. As we understand it, his jaw bone was to be the car, and he envisioned mostly mice riding it.

Well whatever happens to his body – it’s not happening on his birthday. His funeral’s been pushed back again.

In the long history of the world there have been certain cannibalistic tribes that have sprung up. They made a practice of eating their enemies under the misconception that if they did so, they could gain their strength.

We want you to know that even with that in mind we’d still be pretty hesitant to throw Michael on the barbie. Sure, our dancing ability might improve a touch, but right now we really like our nose, and if he gets in our head that might change. Our mother could become so distressed.

Plus he always looked chewy.

Unfortunately, should we change our minds, we’d have plenty of time to find where they’re refrigerating his corpse and plot an elaborate Ocean’s 11 style robbery. Of course our version would have a much more grotesque ending, you know if Michael’s not cooked enough. Plus there’s always the risk of food poisoning when meat gets that old. It’s really a lot to think about – but we should have plenty of time. That’s because his burial‘s been pushed back again.

E! News says:

“Michael Jackson fans will have to wait a little while longer before their idol can finally rest in peace. What had been billed as a birthday burial for the late King of Pop on Aug. 29 at Forest Lawn Memorial Park has now been postponed to give the Jackson clan more time to prepare for the funeral. Joe Jackson told E! News Thursday that he doesn’t know when his son will be laid to rest, that there are still more things needed to get in order. So instead of doing it on what would’ve been his 51st birthday, they’ve opted to push the 10 a.m. burial service at the Holly Terrace in the cemetery’s Great Mausoleum back.”

What we’d like to know is this – what else could they possibly have to get in order? He’s been dead for going on two months now. Are they putting on another show but the dancers just aren’t getting it? Are the pallbearer monkeys not taking this seriously enough?

Perhaps it’s because his family likes to step into the freezer seeking Michael’s post-life advice. If his eyes stay frozen and rolled back in his head – that’s a yes.

Anyhow – for some reason the King of Pop is gonna be above ground for a while. And though that may bring comfort to his most ardent fans because they enjoy basking under the same sun as him, let’s remind them that he’s not in the sun. If he were, he’d definitely be spoilt by now.

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If one positive has come from Michael Jackson’s death, it’s probably the fact that it’s made Joe Jackson famous again.

Because, unequivocally, that man is a hero. Joe Jackson proved that, armed with little more than steely focus and a refreshing openness to emotional and physical torment, any normal child can transform into a quivering, tragic, drug-addicted megastar. And after Katherine Jackson was awarded custody of Michael Jackson’s children, everyone secretly hoped that Joe Jackson would work his magic on them, too.

But it’s not to be. Joe Jackson has promised to only intermittently visit and/or terrify the children. Spoilsport.

If all 80-year-olds were more like Joe Jackson then the world would be a much more productive place. Admittedly it’d also be a much more violent place, to the extent that everyone under the age of 80 would be afraid to ever leave their house for fear of getting beaten up, but mainly it’d be more productive. Just look at Joe Jackson, for example. He’s always working.

Why, just three short days after the tragic death of his most famous son, Joe Jackson was out on the streets telling anyone who’d listen about his new hip-hop recording project. Insensitive? Well, yes, obviously. But productive? That too, probably.

And it’s this monomaniacal determination to piggybck on the success of others that was going to fix all this Michael Jackson mess. After all, rumour had it that Joe Jackson was toying with the idea of whipping Michael Jackson’s three grieving children into becoming a brand-new best-selling pop act called The Jackson Three. It was a genius idea – the children would have a project to take their minds off their dead father, the group would clearly make a lot of money and Joe Jackson would be able to get his good old beatin’ stick out of storage.

Katherine Jackson getting custody of Michael Jackson’s kids seemed like the last piece of the puzzle, too, because then Joe could just pop round at any time and terrify them into dancing better. But it’s not going to happen – Joe Jackson has officially stated to a Los Angeles court that he’s not going to be anything like a guardian to the kids, as NME reports:

Joe Jackson wrote, “I have had a close family relationship with these grandchildren since their birth. I do visit the family residence from time to time and will continue to do so, however I will not be involved in raising the children.”

As sad as it is that The Jackson Three will probably never happen happen now, it might be best for the kids in the long run. After all, they’ve gone through one hell of an upheaval and right now they need the loving stability that only comes from living with a very old woman who none of them have any direct genetic connection with whatsoever.

As for Joe Jackson? A little thing like this isn’t going to get him down. And we’re sure that we’ll see proof of that in the coming weeks when Joe Jackson launches his new version of The Jackson Three featuring an incontinent old tramp, a horse in a top hat and an acorn.

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They say that losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent, but that’s clearly rubbish.

Look at Michael Jackson‘s parents. They’re living proof that the worst thing that can happen to a parent is losing a millionaire child who wrote you out of his will because you used to mercilessly beat him all the time. But Katherine and Joe Jackson aren’t going to let a little thing like the dying wishes of their beloved son stop them from getting rich, so they’re contesting Michael Jackson’s will.

They waited for 27 days, for anyone running office sweepstakes.

In the last few weeks we’ve been criticised for not recognising Michael Jackson’s genius. Well, to those people we say this – sorry. You were right. You were absolutely right. Michael Jackson was a genius. Not because of what he did in his life – we still maintain that if squeaking and having an uncomfortably close relationship with children makes you a genius then all guinea pigs should be signed up to Mensa immediately – but because of what he’s done in death.

Why? Because Michael Jackson invoked a ‘no contest’ clause in his will. It’s brilliant. It means that if you try to disagree with anything that Michael Jackson said in it, you get immediately written out. It’s sort of like a legal version of writing ‘Jonathan wets the bed IDST’ on someone else’s exercise book at school. You can try and erase it if you like, but it won’t matter because even if you destroy it, it’ll still be true.

And this is great news for Michael Jackson’s family. After all, the will largely ignored them in favour of naming John McClain and John Branca as the co-executors of his estate – so what do they lose if their challenge fails? A handful of kids that probably aren’t even theirs anyway, that’s what. And who cares about them? One of them’s called Blanket for crying out loud. Who wants to look after a kid called Blanket? Honestly, contesting the will is a win-win for Katherine and Joe Jackson. Which is probably why they’re doing it, as Rolling Stone reports:

Katherine Jackson has reportedly hired the Jackson family attorney to challenge son Michael Jackson’s 2002 will… Katherine’s lawyers were in court last Friday, July 17th, to see if they can challenge the co-executors’ decisions without triggering the “no contest” clause.

Actually, we can totally see the point of Michael Jackson’s family here – they’re his family, for crying out loud. And, true, Michael Jackson may have sensibly chosen a pair of business-minded professionals to oversee his estate, but Katherine and Joe Jackson are Michael Jackson’s family. Doesn’t that mean anything any more?

Oh alright, we’ll admit it – we want Michael Jackson’s family to run his estate purely because we want to visit the Neverland gift shop in a few years and buy a commemorative ‘Michael Jackson, King Of Pop – I Definitely Didn’t Hit Him, You Know’ T-shirt designed by his dad. Is that so wrong?

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As far as we can tell the only good thing to come out of Michael Jackson’s death is that he could now remake the zombie part of his Thriller video with a much smaller portion of budget allotted to the makeup department.

The choreography might be a touch less fluid, but still. In that context this whole unfortunate death thing is a Hollywood financier’s dream.

Joe Jackson, allegedly, thinks some other lemonade can be made from the whole mess. He’s trying hard to convince MJ’s three kids to take to the stage in a worldwide tour sort of way.

Right now Joe Jackson is probably somewhere in a mansion trying hard to convince his three most recent tenants that the only way to keep their father’s disaproving ghost at bay is to perform his hits on stage for money. If the kids take the bait they could end up making loads of money and launching themselves down the path of world wide fame and fortune.

What he’s likely failing to mention is that the same path apparently ends in an early grave with a neck full of mysterious needle marks and a body that does all its decomposing on the wrong side of death. And you know what? If we were him and we were trying to convince our grandkids to go on tour as the Jackson Three, we’d probably omit that stuff too.

You hadn’t heard about the Jackson three? Well it’s all right here in the Sun:

“Michael Jackson’s father, Joe Jackson, is lining up the King of Pop’s children for a world tour as The Jackson Three — despite family members accusing him of trying to “exploit them like Jacko.” Former Jackson Five manager Joe is said to have approached Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and seven-year old Prince Michael II — known as Blanket — to hit the stage next year.”

Just think of all that money. And don’t worry about any undue hardships on the children. After all, they can attend a backstage school in between sets where they’ll get an education from a cheap teacher Joe found on Craigslist. Plus, the children’s life in the spotlight - well it’s what Michael would have wanted, apparently.

And as far as what you’ve heard about the senior Jackson managing a band made up entirely of child-relatives, well, where he’s from maybe whacking skin with worn belts is a sign of deep affection. In Gary, Indiana, we’ve often heard, they don’t hug they throttle. You’ll find that kind of affection nice once you’ve lived there for a while, we swear.

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While the authorities try to untangle Michael Jackson’s mess of finances and genetics, one question remains.

What killed Michael Jackson? In fairness, that’ll be answered soon enough as his toxicology results are returned. But that hasn’t stopped Michael Jackson’s dad Joe Jackson from speaking out now – he says that he suspects ‘foul play’.

Oh Joe, don’t do yourself down. True, you stole Michael Jackson’s childhood and have admitted to mercilessly beating him, and you’ve made a career of leeching off his success – but that hardly constitutes foul play. Oh, you were talking about someone else. Oh. Well this is awkward.

Thanks to all the other berserk details that have emerged in the wake of Michael Jackson’s death – apparently he was a bald anorexic with a body full of needle holes and a set of kids who weren’t even slightly his, for example – nobody has really had time to focus on Michael’s dad Joe Jackson very much.

And in a way, that’s the right thing to do. After all, Joe Jackson has just lost a child, and that’s obviously an unbearably sad thing for any parent to be put through – not least when your relationship with your son had become so fractured that he conspicuously left you out of his will – so keeping a respectful distance in his time of bereavement seemed like the decent thing to do.

But screw that, says Joe Jackson. When else is he going to get the chance to be on television this much? When Marlon dies? Be serious. Joe Jackson is the head of the Jackson family, and as such it’s his duty to drag his weirdly Fritzl-esque face in front of as many cameras as possible to speak on behalf of everyone. Or on behalf of those who believe that Michael Jackson’s death was the result of some sort of high-level conspiracy, at least. Yesterday, Joe Jackson told ABC News:

“I just couldn’t believe what was happening to Michael. I do believe it was foul play. I do believe that. Yes.”

Unbelievable, isn’t it? Joe Jackson actually went 21 entire words without trying to hype up his record label, or his Blu-Ray DVDs, or his shoes, or anything else that would have made him infinitesimally richer. That might just be a record. Congratulations, Joe Jackson. You’re a keeper.

The whole foul play angle is interesting, though, isn’t it? Is Joe Jackson trying to state that someone physically murdered Michael Jackson? Or is he claiming that some of Michael Jackson’s associates had realised that Michael was worth more dead than alive and had slyly encouraged his drug use in the knowledge that it could finish him off?

Or does Joe Jackson mean that Michael Jackson grew up to be a painfully fragile drug addict recluse with an uncomfortable child fixation because his dad couldn’t stop compulsively shilling him out to the world of showbusiness for financial gain when Michael was a boy, beating him when he didn’t perform exactly as ordered?

Or does he mean that chickens killed Michael Jackson? In which case he probably meant ‘fowl play’ and we’d thank him for making that distinction clearer next time. Some people, eh?

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This news just in: Michael Jackson is still dead. In other news, people still won’t shut up about it.

And why should they? Michael Jackson’s death was just the tip of a depressing iceberg that we’ll hear about for months – especially now that Michael Jackson’s will from 2002 has apparently turned up. It’ll take a while for the contents to be made public, but early reports suggest that Michael Jackson’s father Joe doesn’t even get a look in.

It’ll come as a painful shock to Joe Jackson – we heard that he really had his eye on Michael’s nightmarish abandoned fairground, too.

Getting named in Michael Jackson’s will has to be both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, you’ll know that during his lifetime Michael Jackson considered you to be enough of a friend to repay you for your loyalty after his death. But on the other hand, Jesus, what on Earth would you end up getting?

Did Michael Jackson like you enough to give you the golf buggy with a creepy painting of himself dressed as Peter Pan daubed across the bonnet? One of the beds that he slept with kids in? Perhaps if you were only an acquaintance you’d be slung a couple of half-empty bottles of Jesus Juice in a gift basket or something.

Just look at Michael Jackson’s mother Katherine, for God’s sake – she’s ended up with custody of Michael Jackson’s children, even though she technically shares about the same amount of DNA with them as she does with, say, a seagull. She can’t be happy about that at all. She’s a 79-year-old woman. She doesn’t want three strange little kids running around her house. She probably wanted the robot Michael Jackson head from Moonwalker. Everyone wants robot Michael Jackson head from Moonwalker.

But at least that’s more than Joe Jackson’s getting. According to early unconfirmed reports, Michael Jackson has cut his father – who he long accused of beating him – out of his will entirely. The Daily Mail reports:

The singer made no mention of Joe Jackson in a will drawn up in 2002. Now that signed document – the only one traced so far in a frantic scramble over Jacko’s estate – could be made legally binding if a later one fails to turn up. It would mean 80-year-old Joe Jackson, who publicly began cashing in on his son’s legacy within hours of his death, might not get a penny.

It’s a sad reflection of the broken relationship between Michael and Joe Jackson, and a stark warning to all the fathers of the world.

Admittedly that warning is ‘if you physically abuse your son and steal his childhood in order to vicariously snatch the fame and extraordinary wealth that you weren’t able to attain by yourself as a youth, then there’s a good chance that you won’t get to be embroiled in the headache-inducing legal complications that will inevitably follow his ghoulish, debt-ridden death’ – which actually makes the idea of beating your children sound quite appealing – but a warning’s a warning.

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