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ITV

WATCH THIS! The Best Of The Weekend’s Tellybox Guff

by Robin Darke

You’ve had a very hard week haven’t you? That Diane in accounting asked you to do that did she? She takes you for granted so much you know. We at Hecklerspray love you very much. We would never take you for granted.

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Eamonn Holmes’ Prostitution Predicament

by Kris Silver

Eamonn Holmes is a man famed for the legendary status of his gargantuan gob. Not only is it capable of producing more crap than his backside on a day-to-day basis, but when it isn’t spewing verbal sewage it’s being stuffed with all manner of deep-fried goodies. Well, let’s hope Eamonn has deep-fried his foot after [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Pinching! Death! Planning Permission!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello readers. Have a good week? If our frighteningly accurate hecklerscopes are correct, then most of you are either dead or feeling a very real sense of shame and self loathing. Either is fine with us. For those of you still here, let’s look at what’s going to happen in Soapland this week. Yep, you [...]

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WATCH THIS! TV Picks For The Weekend Bozo

by Robin Darke

Ka-loo ka-lay everyone! It’s almost the end of the week, and just like Lenny Henry tells us on those awful hotel adverts, it’s almost time for the weekend. And what’s a weekend all about? Going out, getting trashed and generally being like those pesky kids from Skins, sitting around in your pants as much as [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Spying! Secrets! Jumpers!

by Joanna Bolouri

It’s soap spoiling time again you lucky people!  Once again we’ve been held at gunpoint and forced to write stuff about something we’d only care less about if we were dead. Want to know what exciting things happen in Hollyoaks this week?  Tough. We didn’t include them. As usual we’re off to Eastenders first and before [...]

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Dancing On Ice Review: It’s All About The Sexual Assault

by Jacki Evans

This week’s Dancing on Ice was apparently Movie Week. Really, it was just dodgier outfits than usual, a few rubbish puns and some nicely manufactured drama. There were injuries! There were dangerous lifts! And there was Heidi Sugababe’s golden vadge! Her terrifying, terrifying golden ladybits. Before old Bigface Sugababe assaulted our eyes with her genitals [...]

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Review: Dancing on Ice – It’s Not a Competition (But Who’s Winning?)

by Jacki Evans

Head Judges. Every reality show has one, even the ones where they can’t quite work out who the head judge is (yes, we’re looking at you, X Factor). And on Dancing on Ice, that privilege lies with Robin Cousins. Unfortunately for everyone else though, it seems the producers forgot to explain the show to him. [...]

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Something For The Weekend Might Be Given An Extra Life When It Really Needs A Lethal Injection

by Robin Darke

Death is a certainty. It’s one of those things that you can’t escape from, like Witch Mountain. Or Monkey Island. Eventually, just like the rhythm, it’s going to get you. Don’t fight the inevitable readers – roll over and take out as many people as you can. It’s what Guy Fawkes would have wanted. Sometimes [...]

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Soap Spoilers! Funerals! Imposters! Sweet Caroline!

by Joanna Bolouri

Hello soap fans!! Missed us? No, we didn’t give you a second thought either but now that we’ve just about recovered from Pat’s quick, yet annoyingly drawn out death, we’re back to spoil everything for you and tell you what’s going to happen this week. But first here’s a little catch up. Did we mention that [...]

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ITV Cut Tim Minchin’s Jesus Song From Jonathan Ross Show (And We’re Surprised?)

by Mof Gimmers

Tim Minchin has had a pop at ITV after his live performance of satirical Christmas song WoodyAllenJesus was cut from last night’s Jonathan Ross show. For the first time in his life, he can feel like he’s some kind of modern day Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks got a routine kicked off Letterman. Don’t you pillocks [...]

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