Kim Kardashian may well be getting married and starring in a show with her sisters despite lacking in any discernible talent, but that doesn’t stop people admiring her buttocks. In many respects, her chebs are more famous than Kardashian’s sisters.

Her famous posterior has seen people admiring how well formed it is, assuming that it must be fake in some way.

And so, to scotch rumours that she’s had bumplants, Kim Kardashian has decided to stand next to a light board and point at an x-ray of an arse to prove that her rump is 100% Armenian or something. And yes, if you’re a fan of staring at a woman pointing toward translucent arse bones, we’ve got the picture.

The rumours that Kardashian has got under the knife for her backside have been around for ages, and so the reality star has decided to use up a doctor’s time unwisely by getting someone to photograph her pelvis without taking her skin off.

And so, to the thrill of the world, Kardashian has now revealed what the inside of her famous derriere looks like.

Kim’s sister Khloe tweeted (yes, we follow her on twitter so you don’t have to) a snap of Kim looking hallowed out and without vitality, next to an x-ray of what could be absolutely anyone’s arsecheeks.

Khloe captioned the picture:

“She’s all natural baby! Kim got a butt X-Ray… See, it’s real! LOL… Nothing like a good old Armenian ass to get your day going!”

How wonderful.

And here it is. Have a look for yourself. Aren’t you glad to be alive in this cruel, cruel world? Remember this day for we’ll seldom see its like again.

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Another day, another pile of near-paedophillic crap comes spewing our way – it’s Ali Lohan’s turn again today.

There seems to be an endless stream of reports flowing out in recent months, all concerning subjects that are – not that we place ourselves as moral crusaders, but – inappropriate for the young girls they are talking about.

We’ve had the three thousand stories about 15-year-old Miley Cyrus and her penchant for getting nude and making everyone feel a bit ill, and now it’s time for Lindsay Lohan‘s sister, Ali, to take the brunt of the press’ speculation about whether or not she’s had surgical enhancements.

Oh, did we mention she’s a 14-year-old girl who is barely in the public eye? The same 14-year-old girl who caused a frenzy by auditioning for [a man who used to direct] porn, in a film that was [not] porn?

Yes, she’s that one.

But fortunately this time we have an ally in the fight against all that is a bit weird in the world of the celebrity press – she who is on a quest for all that is good and right in the world, the mighty Lindsay Lohan.

If this were a year or two back, that would be a pretty daft statement to make, as Lindsay would probably be naked, upside down, coated in smack and/or booze and speaking in tongues to the legions of paparazzi around her, but not now.

Now we have what appears to be a newly lesbianised Lindsay in a stable relationship, clean and set for marriage – in fact, the last bad thing she did was offend her dad by accident.

And frankly, that’s not that bad a thing.

The newly-crowned heroine of all that is good, clean and right on the planet decided to set the world to rights through the mightiest of media powers – her MySpace page. Obviously this would normally be reserved for telling the world about her most recent car crash, drunken bust-up or non-stop nude-o-rama, but the once-amazing-now-boring 22-year-old is now using the powers of the Murdoch empire to cure the many ills of society.

Starting with her young sister’s body.

Lindsay, writing on her MySpace blog, wrote these words (and far too many exclamation marks):

“i just had to share something that came up today and it made me feel a bit sick to my stomach. so, here’s the visual…two paparazzi come up out of nowhere (like usual) and start throwing questions at me…one of them being, ‘Hey Lindsay, what do you have to say about people commenting on your sisters implants?’ WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Continuing the fight for all that is right on the planet earth, Lindsay followed her incredulity with a witty snap back at the pro-snapper, as her blog continued:

“‘Did you really just ask me that? She is a 14 year old girl, and you are a pedophile!”

See – we told you she was fighting on hecklerspray‘s side.

Now we just wait on the news to come out that Ali Lohan actually has had surgery – it’s not like it’s beyond the realms of rational thought, what with Dina being involved somewhere along the lines.

Sometimes the easiest way to get near your idol is to follow them everywhere they go and tell them how much you love them. Unfortunately, this has been called “stalking” by the police and it means that our attempt to make Avril Lavigne more then just our MySpace friend won’t come true for a while yet.

Whilst transatlantic relationships are clearly not the way forward, it may be better to turn towards our own glorious nation to find the thing known as a 'woman'. In the nineties, blokes across the land couldn’t leaf through a magazine without seeing melon-bosomed Jordan parading across the cover. Her boobs showed no sign of stopping until the day she realised she looked a bit like a monster from Gremlins.

And, after having surgery to reduce them, you can now own the implants!

So what exactly could you do with two breast implants that at one point elevated the human gargoyle known as Jordan to an unsubtle 32G? Well, that mostly depends on whether you're a boy or a girl. For any ultra-hardcore flat chested female fans, owning Jordan's funbags would be the perfect opportunity to a) see what it's like to have boobs b) experience the thrill of having constant back and neck pain from comedy-sized tits as gravity pulls you down c) having the female equivalent of the Lynx effect as gangs of men – be it old, young, mature, perverted or pre-pubescent – approach you and stare at your chest while completely ignoring your probably beautiful face. 

As far as blokes go, Jordan's wobbly lumps would mean that instead of fondling the pages of softcore lad's mags, they could feel up Jordan for real. And the inner pervert in you will probably prod, push, feel, smell and squeeze the implants all night long. The really dirty minded of you may even try and persuade your other half to don them down her own bra, thus making some sort of super bionic women with mega breasts. 

Speaking about the implants, Jordan said: 

“All my friends have put them in their bra to see what they feel like. They're the size of a mini-pizza.”  

We don’t know about you, but we’ve just gone off mini pizzas. An image of women shoving McCain microwavable pizzas down their tops really doesn’t float our boat. What if the topping was to fall off? Imagine all that sausage and pepperoni getting everywhere; it would look like the person wearing it had some sort of messed-up looking nipple.   

So how much would a piece of booby history set you back? Sadly they're not going cheap and if you wanted to own these knockers, you’ll have to start saving now. Despite Jordan and her plastic-looking husband Peter Andre seemingly appearing in every trashy gossip magazine each week to tell us all about what’s gone tits up in their lives; they appear to be sort of a few quid. The asking price for the implants is one million pounds, with ten percent going to charity.  

Ouch. For that sort of money, we'd imagine the Nuts-reading generation would have to all chip in a pound each and, once enough money was raised, share the joy by posting the implants to each other. If not the common people of the world buying some boobs, who else would really want some worn-in bits of plastic?  

Actually, Cher hasn’t had any reported plastic surgery of late and Madonna's continued battle against ageing will probably force her to pump up her sagging figure. Problem solved then. 

Read More:

Jordan To Sell Implants For £1 million – Digital Spy