Right and wrong.

Folded:

• Flashback by Calvin Harris (the definition of a ditty. Annoy yourself for liking it)
• Halloween: Vampires (only really frightening if you fear teenagers)
• Burger King ‘Tub Burger’ (or ‘Windows 7’ according to the PR. Looks delicious)
• Zombieland (shouldn’t be compared to Shaun of the Dead, but it will be. Plus, whisper it, it might be funnier too)
• Give in to Twitter (join late; you’ll be glad you did. What with this and Facebook, and even MySpace if you’re really bored, you need never work again)

Creased:

• Pork Pie hat (don’t be tempted. Trust us, you can’t wear one. Only Popeye Doyle can)
• TJ Hooker (Shatner as a police PT instructor? Even his stuntman doesn’t look credible)
• Fight For This Love by Cheryl Cole (Cole as Natasha Bedingfield, only blander. That’s right, blander)
• Halloween: Clowns (what do you mean they’re not scary? Pennywise? Tim Curry? TIM CURRY!)
• Quest (Dave for explorers)

Halloween seems to have lost its bite lately. What’s scary about a couple of children with sheets on their heads asking for confectionery? Nothing.

So how can we make Halloween scary again? Simple – puppets. Puppets and dolls are easily the scariest thing in the entire world. Look at them, staring at you with their cold, dead eyes. They’re terrifying. And we’re pretty sure they all come to life at night and watch you sleep. Seriously, 9’s released today and that little doll thing freaks us out.

So in the spirit of Halloween we’ve decided to compile the definitive list of culture’s creepiest, freakiest, most uncomfortably nightmarish puppets. Enjoy. And sleep well tonight…

9 – Big Bird (Sesame Street)

At this point in time, generations of children have been taught how to count to 10 by a gigantic yellow canary with a voice like a psychologically-disturbed murderer and a beak that could quite easily stab you through the eyeball. And you wonder why the planet’s so messed up.

8 – Mr Punch (Punch and Judy)

In America they have Mickey Mouse. In England we have Mr Punch, a hard-faced monster in a funny hat so tormented by his own silly voice that he’s driven to compulsively attack his wife with a paddle while telling an audience of children that “that’s the way to do it”. At the seaside. Oh, the humanity.

7 – Billy (Saw)

Officially the scariest thing about the Saw movies, after the fact that people still inexplicably pay to watch the Saw movies. Obviously.

6 – 9 (9)

Yes, he’s technically a doll and not a puppet. And, yes, in the movie he’s actually quite adorable. But ask yourself this – what would you do if you saw him running around your house? That’s right, you’d burn him, wouldn’t you? You’d scream, and then you’d try to burn him.

5 – Skekis (The Dark Crystal)

The stuff that nightmares are made of. Thanks Jim Henson. Never has one man caused so many to wet their beds so often. We’ll give you the cleaning bill when we SEE YOU IN HELL, Henson.

4 – Chucky (Child’s Play)

Not so much because he’s an inanimate object possessed by the soul of a violent murderer. Not so much because of the thought of his tiny plastic grasping hands. No, it’s because he looks exactly like Mick Hucknall from Simply Red. We can only take so much, you know.

3 – Everyone from Peppermint Park (Peppermint Park)

They say that Peppermint Park was a straight-to-VHS children’s show from the 1980s. We’re not so sure. We think it’s a slightly recut version of the dinner scene from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Only much, much more likely to send you into a quivering meltdown.

2 – Pinocchio (Roberto Benigni’s Pinocchio)

Not just a puppet. Not just a puppet that thinks it’s a boy. A puppet that thinks it’s a boy being played by a middle-aged man. Literally the dictionary definition of creepy. Could anything on the face of the planet be as profoundly unsettling as that?

1 – Dolmio Family (Dolmio adverts)

Well, yes. This. They’re puppets, but they like to eat meat. And as soon as they work out that humans are made out of meat, we’ll be done for.  You hear us? WE’LL BE DONE FOR. If you need us, we’ll be hiding in a cupboard, sobbing.

SPECIAL MENTIONS:

Zippy from Rainbow

Beaker from The Muppets

Hamble from Playschool

Zelda from The Terrahawks

Pob

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

Ahhh, is there any greater feeling than cuddling up to the woman/man that you love, watching a frightening movie on DVD, then spending the rest of the evening in a cold sweat, convinced that if you fall asleep – even for a second – they will start surgically taking you apart with a razor blade?

This weekend it’s Halloween, which means that a large portion of young people will dress up like dicks, and go around the streets badgering people for sweets, whilst others will go to parties dressed as orcs, and a very small percentage will kill for the first time. If you don’t fit into any of those categories, perhaps you should spend the night in watching one of these six chillers?

(we were going to do 666, but decided that six would just about cover it).

Don’t Look Now, 1973

A couple head off to Venice to get over the death of their drowned daughter, then things start to get really bloody eerie. It features weird premonitions, a woman who looks like a disgusting troll, and Donald Sutherland pleasuring Julie Christie in a very sensual manner. It’s psychological.

The Shining, 1980

Oh jeepers, when those twins appeared in that hallway, we damn near yelped. And how about the sexy naked lady who suddenly morphs into a decrepit old crone. Not to mention the blood in the lifts, and Jack Nicholson’s screen wife, with the face that could make for a two hour horror film if you just filmed her sleeping. Not to be viewed alone in a mansion.

The Vanishing, 1988

There are two versions of this film, one Dutch, the other American, starring Kiefer Sutherland – the second one is a big bag of rubbish. The first, however, is a wonderfully chilling tale of a man attempting to figure out exactly what happened to his lovely girlfriend, who went missing at a petrol station, whilst presumably stocking up on Ginsters pies and a copy of Razzle. Cue strange revelations, and a rather uncomfortable end.

The Wicker Man, 1973

The Equaliser goes to a remote Scottish island, where everyone is a total pagan, which makes him sick to the insides, because he is all about Jesus. Then things get really creepy. Britt Ekland is in it, but even her naked dance can’t quite erase the chilling visions of local people wearing fox heads, rabbit hands and duck beaks, whilst hunting down our hero, who finally goes berserk religious in a big blazing wicker man. The Nicolas Cage version is also scary, but only in that it’s totally shit.

The Haunting, 1963

Possibly the best haunted house film ever, this features a small group of people stupidly going to stay in a massive creepy house to see if anything paranormal might happen. And guess what? It does, everyone gets really freaked out, and because it’s one of those old black and white films, it’s double-scary.

Halloween, 1978

The film that spawned about a million sequels, most of which are dross. But this outing, about a psychopath in a scary mask tormenting and killing people, is genuinely chilling. It also marks the beginning of an upward curve in Jamie Lee Curtis’ movie career, which went on to peak in Trading Places, then suddenly slump to the ground with a thud when she chose to put on an up-the-bum leotard in Perfect, starring John Travolta.

This was a guest post by Josh Burt from Interestment. Him ace.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

October’s rubbish. Not only do we have to piss around with our clocks to make our days darker, but it gets a lot colder.

But there is a plus to all of this – Halloween! Hooray for Halloween indeed because, unlike Christmas, it isn’t promoted to us three months before it takes place and we don’t have to have awkward family meals with aunts we’d rather not see.

Everyone benefits from Halloween. The kids get to pester neighbours and pick up tons of free sweets. Adults get to pointlessly dress up as ghosts, skeletons and zombies and get drunk at various parties and clubs. But of course, some people in society are all bah humbug about Halloween. This time it’s the turn of the Christians to get their Bible in a twist and proclaim that it’s evil. Just like this man, see his rant after the jump.

Referencing a book that is thousands of years old and hasn’t really been modernised since, this man is a bit angry about Halloween. He’s basically against everyone having a good time and celebrating the living dead. Because we like to heal rifts between people, we can offer some suggestions as to how Christians and Halloween lovers can get along this weekend:

1 – Wear a cross. When Jesus died, he was nailed in to a cross. So why not spread the word and love about Christianity by wearing your own gigantic death cross? Obviously we don’t want you hammering nails into your own hands, but a bit of fake blood here will totally give off the effect.

2 – Dress as a zombie Jesus. This bloke seems to think we’re not religious. How wrong he is. At Christmas, we celebrate Santa and at Easter everyone gets chocolate eggs from a cute bunny! Easter also has something to do with Jesus coming back from the dead, which therefore makes him a zombie. Surely if we dress as a zombie Jesus, all Christians will love us.

3 – Get drunk off wine. Jesus turned water into wine and, at parties, lots of grown-ups get wrecked off wine. Therefore the blood of Jesus is kept alive in us and in the morning, the spirit of Christ will be released via vomiting and trips to the toilet.

We’re unsure if our tips will make this man all happy and joyous, but you know, we’ve done our best. However for any trick or treaters visiting his house that night, we think you should probably steer clear. Instead of getting handfuls of sweets, you’ll just get a junior version of the Bible and one hundred reasons on how to escape from Hell.

Next, we’ll attempt to solve the conflict between Israel and Palestine. We’re on a roll today.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

It’s fair to say that the new Michael Jackson film This Is It will be the greatest movie in cinema history.

Wait, that needs to be modified. It’ll be the greatest Michael Jackson movie in cinema history. No, that’s still not right. It’ll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson in cinema history. We’re almost there – it’ll be the greatest hodge-podge of halfhearted private rehearsal footage of Michael Jackson that’s released suspiciously close to Halloween in cinema history. Bingo.

That’s right – Halloween. Never say that Hollywood doesn’t have a sense of humour.

We know it’s a little early, but we think it’s time you started to plan your Halloween weekend. Specifically, what movie you plan to watch. Because you’ve now got the choice of Saw 6 or Michael Jackson’s This Is It. And it’s a tough choice – do you watch a hacky, convoluted, utterly formulaic piece of scary crap about a creepy old man with a toy fetish who delights in torturing those younger than him and clearly isn’t as good as he was a few years ago, or do you watch Saw 6?

Anyway, our point is that Michael Jackson’s new movie This Is It – the movie collated from fragments of his final concert rehearsals – has a release date. And, as you’ve probably guessed, it’s Halloween weekend.

What’s the significance of Halloween? Does it coincide with his birthday? No, that’s in August. Does it mark the anniversary of his first number one single as a solo artist? No, that happened in May 1981. Is it because the sight of a drug-ravaged 50-year-old plastic surgery addict absent-mindedly lurching his way through a number dance routines that he clearly has no interest in while worrying that all the sudden movement will cause his terrifying Munch-esque deathmask of a face to disintegrate naturally lends itself to the concept of Halloween? Well, um, yes.

Or because the Thriller video had a bloody werewolf in it or something. God knows. We prefer our version, though. Anyway, why the sudden rush to get Michael Jackson’s This Is It into the cinemas? The LA Times reports:

Sony Pictures Entertainment received court approval to bring Michael Jackson to the big screen… The court’s authorization, announced Monday in Probate Court by Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Mitchell Beckloff, allows them to edit more than 80 hours of rehearsal and behind-the-scenes footage into a movie.

Oh, we understand – it’s because if they take their time and craft a decent, well-edited movie that will do justice to the memory of Michael Jackson, people won’t be dumbly grief-stricken enough to watch it. It’s better to do a crappy job and get rich, everyone knows that.

So Sony has two months to turn 80 hours of footage into a coherent movie. That’s going to be a tough job, and it’s clear that the editors will face some tough choices – do they show Michael miming his way through a hastily-choreographed performance of Liberian Girl, or do they show him backstage being pumped full of medical grade anaesthetic by an ethically dubious doctor while another assistant sellotapes his nose back on?

Oh, the decisions.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter

You would think the movie-going public had something against horny teenage girls.

Why else would slasher movies – which basically revel in killing them off – be so popular? We just can’t get enough of them. Mind you, it’s not only the cheerleader types that usually end up in body bags. There’s the jocks, of course. Then the nerds. Leaving the weird loner types to usually save the day.

We are sure this has some kind of social significance and insight into Western culture, but we are a snarky entertainment site, for God’s sake. We are not here to educate.

No, what we are here to do is make completely random lists. And we cannot think of a better one than the top 26 slasher movies. But what exactly is a slasher movie?

Well, according to Wikipedia, that well-known source of all things accurate, a slasher movie is: ‘a  sub-genre of horror, typically involving a psychopathic killer (usually wearing a mask) who stalks and graphically murders a series of mostly adolescent victims in a typically random, unprovoked fashion, killing many within a single night.’

And that is just about good enough for us. So, enjoy!

26. The Prowler (1981)

The best movie ever about a killer dressed in S&M gear who hates dancers. Or something like that.

25. Stagefright (1987)

Acting can be murder sometimes. Just ask Keanu Reeves.

24. Hatchet (2007)

A recent movie that did not get the hype it deserved. Has some of the most astonishing movie deaths we have ever seen.

23. Psycho (1960)

OK, so it does not involve teenagers in a camp, but it is certainly a slasher movie.

22. Happy Birthday to Me (1981)

Proof kebabs really are bad for you.

21. Last House on The Left (1972)

A classic from horror master Wes Craven. Contains some of the disturbed scenes ever committed to film.

20. Candyman (1992)

Oh, and candy can also be very bad for you too.

19. Pieces (1982)

Grisly little-known horror flick that is worth a look. Just be prepared to feel a little sick.

18. House On Sorority Row (1983)

A group of sorority sisters are stalked and murdered one by one in their sorority house while throwing a party to celebrate their graduation. Nice.

17. Madman (1981)

After being told if not to repeat the name of the local psycho as it would mean he would appear and hack all of you to bits, what would you do?

16. Terror Train (1980)

Forget the rubbish remake, Terror Train is classic horror. A must-see.

15. Alice, Sweet Alice (1976)

14. Black Christmas (1974)

We’ve all had crap Christmases, but it could be worse…

13. Final Destination (2000)

See, making death (or the grim reaper) the baddie, really is not fair.

12. The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Proof remakes, when done well, really can work.

11. April Fool’s Day (1986)

Some people really take the whole April Fool’s Day thing a little too far.

10. Suspiria (1977)

Horror legend Dario Argento’s greatest movie.

9. Child’s Play (1988)

We were tempted to put Bride of Chucky in, but stuck with the original.

8. I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)

Buffy, Jennifer Love Hewitt and the fisherman from death – now that really is enough to get you hooked.

7. My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Rated by Quentin Tarantino as the ‘greatest slasher movie of all time’. What does he know about movies?

6. The Burning (1981)

We don’t care what anyone says – this is a brilliant movie. So there.

5. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Really uncomfortable viewing – which is usually a good sign of a decent horror flick.

4. Scream (1996)

Breathed new life into the slasher movie genre.

3. Nightmare on Elm Street: Part 1 (1984)

We just can’t get enough of child murderers.

2. Friday 13th: Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

The best in the series.

1. Halloween (1978)

Simply the best.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

In fact, Bruce Springsteen loves Halloween so much that he’s decided to dress up as the devil and release a brand new vaguely spooky song entitled A Night With The Jersey Devil on his website for free, just because today happens to be Halloween.

It’s a clever move. And it’s prompted other old rockers to follow – next week Rod Stewart will release a song called Bonfire Night (Of My Heart) on his website, followed by Huey Lewis posting a song called I Give Thanks To You, Baby on November 27 and then Elton John releasing Woo, It’s The International Year Of Astronomy! on January 15, just because he couldn’t wait an extra month and do one for Valentine’s Day, the impatient sod.

When Bruce Springsteen likes something, he has to go out of his way to display that love to everyone. For instance, Bruce can’t just be quietly fond of, say, the notion of shagging an old whore up the bum – he has to actually go and write a song about it. There are probably other examples of this, but the whore-bumming is the only one that springs to mind at the moment.

Oh, Halloween, too. Bumming whores and Halloween, they’re the two things that Bruce Springsteen likes enough to write songs about. But only those two things.

We don’t know why Bruce Springsteen likes Halloween so much. It’s probably because both ‘Springsteen’ and ‘Halloween’ end with ‘een’. That also explains Bruce’s other main loves – queens, spleens, teens, screens  and Charlie Sheens.

Anyway, in the Webthump earlier today, we mentioned that Bruce Springsteen wasn’t doing a big Halloween display at his house this year because of fears of overcrowding. That news was probably incredibly disappointing for anyone who a) lives quite close to Bruce Springsteen’s house, b) likes Halloween and c) thinks that standing outside the house of someone richer than them and gawping at plastic cauldrons is an acceptable way to spend an evening.

But Bruce Springsteen doesn’t want to disappoint anyone – not even if they’re as essentially worthless at the people who go and look at all the decorations on his house – and so he’s come up with a clever backup plan. Bruce Springsteen has recorded a special new Halloween song and put it up on his website for free. MTV reports:

It being Halloween and all, the Boss is … offering a new song and video called “A Night With the Jersey Devil.” On his Web site he writes, “Dear Friends and Fans, If you grew up in central or south Jersey, you grew up with the ‘Jersey Devil.’ Here’s a little musical Halloween treat. Have fun! Bruce Springsteen”.

Yeah, nice try Bruce Springsteen, but we can see right through your little plan. ‘A little musical Halloween treat’ indeed. It’s just an excuse not to give children any trick or treat candy isn’t it, you massive tightwad. Well, it’s not going to work, because we can guarantee this exact scenario will be played out at least 50 times tonight:

Kids: “Trick or treat!”

Bruce Springsteen: “What? No. Didn’t you see my website today? My treat to you is the song A Night With The Jersey Devil, which I recorded as a little musical treat.”

Kids: “Yeah, we saw that. To be honest, we thought it was a lazy and somewhat derivative blues standard that you clearly hadn’t put much thought into, accompanied by a video that does little more than reference the fact that you’ve seen the promo to Hurt by Johnny Cash at least once. With that in mind, Mr Springsteen, we’d probably prefer some Haribo.”

Bruce Springsteen: “But… but… the song. I don’t have any Haribo.”

Kids: “It’s a trick, then. Egg him, boys.”

Watch A Night With The Jersey Devil by Bruce Springsteen now.

9 – Spooky food! SPOOKY! – Designmom

8 - Gifts to deliberately annoy trick or treaters! Spookywoo! - Divinecaroline

7 – Spooky rap songs! Woooo! – About

6 - Make your own werewolf head! WooooOOoo! Spookyyy! - Instructables

5 - Woo, Bruce Springsteen isn’t decorating his house today. Um, spooky? – Huffingtonpost

4 - Saw School Musical. Wooo! Spooky – I Am Bored

3 - Woo, bloodsucking moths! Spoooky! – Nationalgeographic

2 - Woooooo! Sex scene or murder scene quiz! Spoooooooooooky! – Liquidgeneration

1 - And finally, the woo spookiest thing you’ll see all day. May God have mercy on your blackened souls…

If horror movies have taught us anything, it is that we are all sick bastards. Sorry, we mean it tells us that all like to be scared out of our wits. That’s it. We take absolutely no sick pleasure from teenagers being eaten, cut to pieces or burnt alive – it’s all about the thrill of being frightened.

But, of course, the best horror villains don’t tend to be the ones we are afraid of. They are the ones we actually quite like. Unstoppable serial killers, frazzled up kiddie-fiddlers and maniacal dolls are just some of the anti-heroes idolised by horror fans the world over. We just can’t get enough of them, it seems.

Now, if you wanted to really get scared, we suggest you make movies about global warming, nuclear holocaust or John McCain.

Anyway, enjoy.

28. The Reaper
Film: Jeepers Creepers

The eyes have it.

27. Dr. Carl Hill
Film: Re-Animator

Gave a new meaning to giving head.

26. Blade
Film: Puppetmaster series

This is what happens when good puppets go bad – a psychopathic leader of wooden tops with a knife instead of one hand and a hook for the other. You never had this kind of trouble from Pinocchio. Acting is a
little wooden though.

25. Leprechaun
Films: Leprechaun series

Is there anything more scary than a psychopathic, Irish midget with a God complex? Just look at Bono. Our favourite is Leprechaun In The Hood. Seriously. That really happened. Jennifer Aniston has a lot to answer for.

24. Pennywise The Clown
Film: IT

Ok, so he was a bit of a clown and nowhere near as scary as in the book. But clowns are surprisingly scary. Bloody painted freaks.

23. Hannibal Lector
Films: Silence of the Lambs, Manhunter, Red Dragon and Hannibal

He can do some amazing things in the kitchen. He’s like Gordon Ramsay only slightly nicer.

22. Frankenstein’s monster
Films: Too many to mention

Only Lindsay Lohan has a bigger forehead.

21. The Thing
Film: The Thing

Looks a bit like Chelsea Clinton.

20. Angela
Film: Sleepaway Camp

The most hideous and shocking transformation since Leslie Ash. What happened??

19. Victor Crowley
Film: Hatchet

Would have been higher but for his terrible name and the fact he is basically a Jason copy.

18. The Fisherman
Films: I Know What You Did Last Summer series

Remember to drive carefully – or you could kill someone and  turn them into unstoppable serial killers. We think that is the moral of the tale anyway. Does that sound a bit fishy to you?

17. Richard
Films: Dead Man’s Shoes

There is nothing scarier than someone who is actually quite realistic. If you have never seen this movie, rent it out now!

16. The Candyman
Films: The Candyman series

There’s nothing sweet about The Candyman.

15. Ghostface
Films: Scream series

Worthy of a mention in that it breathed new life into the horror genre, but wouldn’t you just hang up on them?

14. Jack Torrance
Film: The Shining

Here’s Johnny! Nicholson is one scary son of a bitch when he wants to be.

13. Sadako
Film: The Ringu series

Well, she gives us the creeps.

12. Chucky
Films: Child’s Play series

A good reason why you should not play with dolls. Well, that and you’re over 30.

11. Pinhead
Films: Hellraiser series

Of course, not only is Pinhead a scary bastard, he’s also a warning to not mess around with acupuncture.

10. Satan
Films: Too many to mention

Bit of a relegation for Old Nick, but he has been overtaken by upstarts recently and needs to get his game back on track.

9. Norman Bates
Films: Psycho series

Bit of a mummy’s boy, but set the standard for every slasher film since.

8. Bloody great big shark
Film: Jaws

OK, so it was a bit rubbery and you always knew it was coming because of the cellos, but Jaws remains a horror icon.

7. Xenomorphs
Films: Aliens series

Whoever came up with the concept of Alien needs their heads examined. Pretty scary stuff.

6. Leatherface
Film: Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Everyone’s favourite deformed, chainsaw-wielding cannibal.

5. Jigsaw
Films: Saw series

Not exactly a barrel of laughs and a bit preachy, but that doll is enough to make even the Hecklerspray team amend its disgusting ways. Well, almost.

4. Dracula
Films: Too many to mention

Would have been higher, but he’s had a bit of a lean period lately. He should get a role he can really get his teeth into.

3. Jason Vorhees
Films: Friday the 13th series

The top three could have appeared in any order, to be honest. Between them, they are the holy trinity of horror. But someone had to be third.

2. Freddy Krueger
Films: A Nightmare on Elm Street series

The funniest child murderer in town.

1. Michael Myers
Films: Halloween series

That mask still gives us the creeps.

We love nothing more than watching forgotten gems, B-movies and blood & guts cult classics as well as the occasional new release that quenches our collective thirst for the occult, like the newly released Halloween as remade by Rob Zombie. Also this week: Death Wish…

Considering he has previously only directed two movies – House Of A Thousand Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects – Rob Zombie did a tip-top job of reimagining Halloween, a true horror milestone with a much needed expansion on the troubled past of the anti-hero Micheal Myers. We love the grimy quality of the movie and, of course, the classic rock ‘n roll soundtrack featuring Blue Oyster Cult which inspired a visit to iTunes.

We were particularly impressed with the way the young actor Daeg Faerch handled the mask-wearing nutter – torturing small animals, killing his family and descending into madness whilst in the Smith’s Grove Sanitarium with no-one in his life expect Dr Loomis (Malcom McDowell) and kindly Guard (Danny Trejo – You’ll know him when you see him). Years pass and the now massive and silent serial killer escapes and, wouldn’t you know it, come Halloween night, Michael has one thing on his mind and heads back to his old stomping ground to open a can of whoop ass.

In our humble opinion the ultimate night of terror would be to watch this new version of the film until Mikey does a runner, then pop in the John Carpenter original for the best possible version of the movie, but Mr. Zombie’s version does do the trick on its own. Perhaps we are just a little too geeky for our own good!

It is worth mentioning that if you fancy picking up the original Halloween you should try and track down the recently released Blu-Ray version as it features a good quality transfer and commentary from the director and leading lady Jamie Lee Curtis.

We have heard some rumours lately that the 1974 vigilante thriller Death Wish directed by Micheal ‘Calm Down Dear’ Winner is going to be remade soon featuring Sly Stallone in the lead role as made famous by Charles Bronson. What better time, then, to enjoy the original and groove along to the jazzy Herbie Hancock soundtrack and admire the kitsch 70s fashion and interior decoration. By the way, look out for a very young Jeff Goldblum, who looks about twelve, making a nuisance of himself at the supermarket.

The story is pretty straightforward, what would an everyman do if his family where killed by some street punks? The answer is just as straightforward – Chuck goes about grey and rainy New York city handing out some street justice with nothing but a sock full of coins and a revolver.

Out of the 20-year-life of the Death Wish franchise, this is the best movie and is far superior to the four sequels that followed. It easily qualifies as a forgotten gem, so get yourself a copy as soon as possible, or we’ll hunt you down and kill you.

[story by Simon Woodley]