First the good news – there’s a Grey’s Anatomy sex tape. Now the bad news – it stars nobody you’ve ever heard of.

Unless you watch Grey’s Anatomy, that is. In which case you have our sympathies. Anyway, this Grey’s Anatomy sex tape stars none other than Eric Dane, who apparently plays someone called Mark Sloan, along with his wife and a former Miss United States Teen winner.

However, don’t get your hopes up too much, because everyone in the sex tape is too mumbling to themselves on drugs to actually have any sex. Also, his wife is sort of ugly.

It’s a letdown, isn’t it? When you first heard that there was a Grey’s Anatomy sex tape making its way around the internet, you were probably hoping that it starred Katherine Heigl. Or the other skinny woman. Or the Asian one from Sideways. Or the loud homophobe. Or even the one with the nice hair who seems to be in every single bloody television commercial all the bloody time forever. Additionally, you were probably hoping that there’d be some sex in it.

Sorry to burst your bubble. Instead the Grey’s Anatomy sex tape stars Eric Dane, his wife Rebecca Gayheart and former beauty queen turned former Aaron Carter fiancée Kari Ann Peniche. And any form of sexual intimacy is eschewed in favour of naked stoned-seeming sixth-form blather about what each of their porn names would be. Honestly, it’s rubbish. It makes the Gene Simmons sex tape look like the most profoundly erotic piece of art ever created. It makes the Fred Durst sex tape look marginally arousing.

So why all the fuss about it? Well, for one it makes Eric Dane look like a prize tool, so discussing it is a sweet revenge for his part in bringing Marley & Me into the world. But mainly it’s because of this perfect quote about the tape from Eric Dane’s lawyer Marty Singer, who might actually be our new hero:

“From what I’ve seen it’s a naked tape, not a sex tape. At most it’s 3 people maybe wanting to have sex.”

Three people maybe wanting to have sex. Truly the Grey’s Anatomy sex tape is the era-closing Altamont to the glorious Woodstock that was Naked Vanessa Hudgens and Naked Ashley Greene and Thankfully-Clothed Heidi Montag. Oh Eric Dane, why couldn’t you be teenage and female instead of old and ballsacky?

Still, this is what we’ve come to expect from Grey’s Anatomy – in the past we’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy stars fight, get sacked because they didn’t like homosexuals, get sacked because they played homosexuals and generally bitch and whine to the media about everything that ever happens to them. So the Grey’s Anatomy sex tape is just another sign that what happens to the show’s cast is infinitely more interesting that what happens to the characters.

Admittedly that’s not exactly saying much – we’ve seen leaky radiators with more magnetic charisma than all of the Grey’s Anatomy characters combined – but it’s still a sort of fair point.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

As a Grey’s Anatomy cast member, Katherine Heigl was essentially paid to stare into the middle distance and weep.

It was a good gig. Standing around whining about relationships with a variety of people who should probably be somewhere else performing emergency surgery on a child is about as easy as it gets, acting-wise. And yet, thanks to her stupid mouth, Katherine Heigl apparently upset the Grey’s Anatomy producers so much that they planned to kill her off.

Except now Katherine Heigl wants to stay on Grey’s Anatomy. That’s good news for Katherine Heigl and, um… oh, just Katherine Heigl.

If you’re a member of the Grey’s Anatomy cast, you basically only have two rules to live your live by. The first rule is that you must regularly examine exactly where your life went so very wrong, and the second one is that you must never upset the Grey’s Anatomy producers.

That last one’s key. Upset the producers by screaming homophobic slurs or having the temerity to read your lines exactly as they are on the script and they won’t think twice about sacking you. So with this in mind it’s a small miracle that Katherine Heigl has stayed on Grey’s Anatomy for so long, given that last summer she decided not to nominate herself for an award because she thought the writing on the show was so cack.

Which, you know, it is. But still, shame on you, Katherine Heigl.

So how did the Grey’s Anatomy producers respond to this slight? Easy – they gave her a massive load of brain cancer. A terminal one, too, if rumours were to be believed. And then they screamed “There! Now, do you want to complain about the broken chair in your dressing room again? DO YOU?” to a sobbing Ellen Pompeo. Possibly.

However, despite the giant load of cancer that’s ravaged her brain, it now seems like Katherine Heigl’s character might remain a part of Grey’s Anatomy – and it’s all thanks to Heigl’s perfectly-calibrated ability to grovel endlessly, as the LA Times reports:

I don’t know if that’s a yes or a no. No one will tell me and I don’t know how this is going to go. I don’t know if I live or die. I don’t know how Izzie fares…. I’m there” if Izzie remains part of “Grey’s Anatomy,” Heigl said. She called the set “one of my favorite places to be” and said her colleagues are also friends.

Personally we hope that Katherine Heigl’s Grey’s Anatomy character isn’t killed off by brain cancer, because that would give her the satisfaction of performing a touchingly elegant final death scene. No, it’d be much better for her to beat the cancer and then get hit by a bus. Or fall down an abandoned lift shaft. Or have her head knocked off by a robotic aeroplane with a bowling ball tied underneath it. Or be swallowed whole by giant sewer crocodile. Or be shot in half by lasers. Or get her hair caught in an industrial shredder.

We’ve got a million of these. Grey’s Anatomy people, call us.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

TR Knight and Katherine Heigl did everything together – they got their Grey’s Anatomy co-stars fired together, they relentlessly bitched about what a chore Grey’s Anatomy was together, and now they’re both leaving together, according to co-star James Pickens, Jr.

What of TR Knight and Katherine Heigl post-Grey’s Anatomy? Well – since one’s a gay man and the other is an impossibly hard to like woman – maybe a Will & Grace-style sitcom about, let’s say, two failed actors.

We have to say, we’re worried about Grey’s Anatomy. Over the last few years it’s become all about the staggering egos of the cast and crew, which is heartbreaking. Everyone knows that Grey’s Anatomy should be all about piss-weak soap opera storylines, pointlessly vague voiceovers and more soggy-knickered mimsying indie music than anyone would ever actively wish to listen to.

But the good news is that the constant ego-driven wankery of Grey’s Anatomy might be over, because its chief proponents – TR Knight and Katherine Heigl are on their way out. MSNBC reports:

James Pickens, Jr., who plays chief of surgery Dr. Richard Webber at fictional Seattle Grace Hospital, told Us Weekly that Katherine Heigl and T.R. Knight are on their way out. Us also quoted a set source as saying “(Knight) complains to Katherine all the time. The energy on set will be much better when he’s gone.”

Oh, don’t look so surprised – both TR Knight and Katherine Heigl have been pretty vocal about what a drag it is to work on Grey’s Anatomy – TR because his beautiful doughy face isn’t onscreen for long enough and Katherine because she doesn’t feel as if the writing on Grey’s Anatomy is as good as, say, that terrible 27 Dresses movie she made.

Will TR Knight and Katherine Heigl really be leaving Grey’s Anatomy forever? Let’s not be so sure – US Weekly also quoted a source who claimed that the Grey’s Anatomy writers want to create an ending for Knight’s character that will leave him able to return at a later date.

Meanwhile, we’re guessing, they want Katherine Heigl’s character to be dropped out of a helicopter onto a pile of infected medical waste just before a tank runs over her, reverses and runs over her again, followed by a full marching band trampling over her broken limbs playing an especially jaunty version of Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead. Just a guess, there.

But if TR Knight and Katherine Heigl do leave Grey’s Anatomy, it doesn’t leave the show in great shape. TR Knight will have gone, Katherine Heigl will have gone, Isaiah Washington is long gone, that lesbian doctor woman has left and that other lesbian doctor woman has left as well. And with Patrick Dempsey contractually obliged to appear in every fifth romantic comedy ever made, that essentially makes Grey’s Anatomy nothing more than a show all about that irritating woman who looks like a malnourished upturned eraser-tipped pencil. Who’d want to put themselves through a tragic ordeal like watching that?

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Yeah, we should probably put that rumour to bed now. As it turns out, not everything that happens offscreen on Grey’s Anatomy is interesting. Like Melissa George’s decision to leave the show, for example.

Melissa George isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy because she had a fight with a co-star, or because she’s a screaming homophobe, or because she’s a prissy diva who wanted more screentime. Melissa George is leaving Grey’s Anatomy because she wants to. Frankly we expected more.

Grey’s Anatomy is possibly the gayest show on television. It’s all there – the gay cast, the gay characters, the strong female performances, the feeble indie music soundtrack, the way we’re almost completely certain that Ellen Pompeo’s silhouette is identical to a silhouette of an upturned buttplug – and yet Grey’s Anatomy is probably the worst show on television when it comes to actually dealing with gay people in a sensible manner.

One minute a Grey’s Anatomy star is being sacked for his vocal opposition of homosexuals, the next the show’s most openly gay actor is throwing a tantrum because he’s not onscreen as much as he wants. And then there’s all the muddle with any character who’s written to appear slightly gay.

First Brooke Smith, who played a doctor who may have been a little bit gay, was fired from Grey’s Anatomy because of her character’s gayness, and now Melissa George – who played a character who was a bit gay for about 30 seconds and now either is or isn’t – is leaving the show too.

However, Melissa George probably isn’t leaving Grey’s Anatomy for that reason, though. She just seems to have realised that the show isn’t very good. Or something. Answers aren’t exactly forthcoming. E! Online reports:

Melissa George, who plays intern Sadie Harris on the ABC prime-time medical soap, is leaving the show, sources confirm… So what happened over at Grey’s? My source says there were talks of George staying on, but her rep insists that she never intended to stay beyond the initial eight. “She was pretty vocal about that,” the rep says. An ABC rep did not comment.

Now, as everyone knows, “She was pretty vocal about that” is code for “If Melissa George had to spend one more second breathing the same air as Katherine Heigl then she wouldn’t be held responsible for pinning that awful witch down, pulling her face off and bouncing around on it like a fleshy spacehopper.”

OK, it isn’t a code for that at all. We’re just trying to spice the story up a bit. Because Melissa George leaving Grey’s Anatomy for a reason that hasn’t got anything to do with petty ego-based infighting or stupidity on the part of the producers would shake the show to it’s very core. Honestly, when things can’t even be interesting offscreen, you know that Grey’s Anatomy has had it.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

You want a comparison? OK. Onscreen, the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy revolved around a bunch of doctors wondering who’d be asked to perform some surgery on a patient. For approximately the billionth time.

But off-screen? Off-screen the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy revolved around dollop-faced actor TR Knight throwing the mother of all strops and walking off the show because nobody’s giving him the attention that he obviously deserves. See – which one would you watch? Oh, neither? Actually, us too.

We’d love to be a fly on the wall behind the scenes of Grey’s Anatomy. That’s mostly because we’d love to vomit on everyone’s lunch and give them all food poisoning, but because it’d allow us to see the extent of the rumours that the actors all hate the writers, the producers all hate the actors and the actors all hate each other.

It certainly seems that way, what with actors fighting, actors screaming homophobic slurs at each other, actors turning down awards because they thought their scripts were terrible and producers firing actors because everything was getting a bit gay. And now, the cherry on the cake – there’s been a Grey’s Anatomy walk-off.

TR Knight – who plays, um, someone on Grey’s Anatomy - has apparently decided to leave the show because producers refused to change the title of the show to The TR Knight Medicine And Meaningful Looks Hour, change all the characters’ names to ‘TR Knight’ and make everyone walk around the hospital in TR Knight masks singing a song of TR Knight’s composition entitled Ooh Yeah TR Knight Is So Flipping Great. Or, you know, something. People reports:

Why does Knight, who remains a fan favorite, want to leave? “Have you seen the show lately?” says a source. Knight has received little screen time this season, with the show focusing on controversial storylines like the romance between Katherine Heigl’s Izzie and her long-dead lover, Denny.

We can’t help feeling that TR Knight is acting like a little bit of a petulant brat here. After all, Grey’s Anatomy is an ensemble show, and sometimes everyone can come to the forefront with a storyline about hardcore necrophilia. It happened with Cheers and it’s damn well going to happen with Grey’s Anatomy.

But still, you can see why TR Knight is so keen to quit Grey’s Anatomy – stars like Sandra Oh and Katherine Heigl and Patrick Dempsey have long since started to make the transition to movies, and there’s little doubt that TR Knight wants to follow suit.

True, he’ll have to wait until someone writes a movie script about a tubby-faced Little Lord Fauntleroy who looks like he’s about 12 years old, and then cross his fingers and pray that the director’s top 35 choices for the role all turn it down. But that day will come, we’re sure of it.

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Having just clawed its way out of the last gayness-related snafu it managed to stagger into, Grey’s Anatomy has inexplicably managed to slam into another one by ditching a lesbian love plot midway through, firing one of the actresses involved and fixing the other one up so that she isn’t gay any more.

What is it with Grey’s Anatomy? It’s almost as if it wants all gay people to stop watching it. And if that happened it’d probably be the end of Grey’s Anatomy, because its remaining audience demographics – the elderly, the bed-bound, the narcoleptic and the stupid – don’t really play as well with advertisers.

Gayness is Grey’s Anatomy’s Achilles heel. Everything that’s ever gone wrong with Grey’s Anatomy, at some level, has had a connection to homosexuality. Sure, a gay slur kicked off the Grey’s Anatomy actor fight of 2006, but that’s not the end of it.

Remember that the actor-fight was exacerbated by Grey’s Anatomy actor TR Knight coming out? And how it ended with Isaiah Washington doing pro-gay PSAs? And all that trouble about Katherine Heigl not appreciating the writing on Grey’s Anatomy?

(Actually, we should clear that last one up. We’re not suggesting that Katherine Heigl is gay, just that most of the time she seems like embittered gay man trapped inside a woman’s body. Again, Katherine Heigl seems like an embittered old gay man imprisoned inside a body that he can never love. Thanks.)

And, with an inevitability that borders of the illegal, Grey’s Anatomy has strayed back into the gaypit once more. This time, Grey’s Anatomy has earnt accusations of sexual insensitivity by abruptly killing off a lesbian storyline by de-gaying one of the characters and sending another off into the wilderness. E! Online reports:

Sources confirm that Brooke Smith, who plays Dr. Erica Hahn (a doctor who recently realized she is gay), has been axed from Grey’s Anatomy. I’m also told by insiders connected to the ABC series that some of the gay-themed storylines are being downplayed and even erased from upcoming scripts.

Now, we should point out that the Grey’s Anatomy executive producer has denied that anyone was fired for playing a lesbian or anything like that, and that it was down to a lack of ‘magic’ or something equally as woolly.

But, to the Grey’s Anatomy executive producer, we feel we should point out one thing in response – have you ever thought about trying to make the TV show Grey’s Anatomy as exciting as the behind the scenes headlines about Grey’s Anatomy? You really should, because this dreary old emotional crap you’re doing now really isn’t working out for us.

For she who whines about everything in the world ever has seen fit to now whine about the thing that probably affects her worst of all. Yes, Katherine Heigl is complaining about Katherine Heigl.

Not in the same way hecklerspray has complained though, oh no – Katherine doesn’t like how she seems to have forgotten her religion, and she feels that she should be paying more attention to her spiritual side as a result.

If paying attention to the Mormon belief system she was raised with means that she might actually shut up for once, then we’re all for it. Maybe she’ll learn to stop whining too? It does seem to be something that only a god could accomplish, after all.

While we wait for the results of Katherine Heigl’s spiritual re-awakening though, we still have to put up with her incessant complaints. At least with this most recent bout being about herself we can actually agree with her – it’s not like the frighteningly snotty comments she made about Grey’s Anatomy now, is it? Nor is it like the time when she nearly killed off her chances of starring in every Judd Apatow film ever made ever.

No – this is the kind of complaint that hecklerspray enjoys listening to. We do wish Katty had been a bit more critical of herself, and not just highlighted the fact that she’d fallen away from her religion over the years. Maybe if she’d referred to herself as ‘a stupid, sour-faced, whining bitch’ or ‘absolutely not the kind of girl any man with a brain would want to go out with, contrary to apparent popular belief’.

Instead she just went with these words – talking to anyone who would listen, Heigl whined:

“I’m not as disciplined about it as I once was, but I hope to find my way back as I get older and a little less selfish.”

She went on, even though there were probably very few people listening by this point:

“If I start going back to church I’d have to stop the smoking and drinking, and I wouldn’t be able to curse any more. I’m ashamed to say that I’ve got very lazy about it all.”

Maybe she’s saving those particularly strong gripes for her next outburst. Hopefully then she’ll ‘go a bit Britney’ and start trying to eat a car or something out of sheer rage for the world around her, vomiting out blood in a ferocious pattern of bitch-induced hatred. Or maybe she’ll just complain that the next film she’s in made her look too happy.

We can hope for the former, though the latter is a bit more likely to be honest.

In the meantime we can sit, wait and plan our template for the post when she does finally go over the edge – the headlines are brewing already: ‘Heigl Shoots Cat With Rocket Launcher: Video Inside!’ would be sure to make us at least a bit more popular.

That was thought to be the reasoning of the Grey’s Anatomy team, anyway – sick of listening to Katherine Heigl bitch on about everything all the time like the dreadful donkeymouth she certainly appears to be, rumour had it that they were going to kill her character off in the most painful, degrading, mean-spirited way possible.

Sadly that’s not the case. An ABC bigwig has come forward to publicly declare that Katherine Heigl is going to live forever, more or less. On Grey’s Anatomy, at least – for all we know someone might push a piano out of a helicopter onto Katherine Heigl’s head tomorrow. By the way, if that actually happens, we had nothing to do with it. We looked into it and helicopters are impractically expensive.

Remember when Katherine Heigl was voted everyone’s ideal girlfriend? Who the hell voted for that? Katherine Heigl would be a terrible girlfriend. Perhaps the worst girlfriend in the history of girlfriends. And it’s all down to her impossibly toxic attitude, which seems to equate ‘good old-fashioned honesty’ with ‘utter toe-curling obnoxiousness’.

You’ll remember, of course, the time that Katherine Heigl publicly tried to force her Grey’s Anatomy co-star Isaiah Washington off the show just because he was a teensy bit angry and homophobic. Or the time that she looked back on Knocked Up, the movie that made her famous, and slated it mercilessly. Or the time that she did exactly the same thing to Grey’s Anatomy.

It’s a habit, and people are getting sick of it. Especially the production staff on Grey’s Anatomy, if earlier rumours were to be believed. Rather than work with Katherine Heigl again, it was reported that Grey’s Anatomy was planning to murder her character by giving her a gigantic agonising brain tumour.

The rumours didn’t sound particularly feasible at the time – because if we wanted to kill Katherine Heigl’s character, we’d have her face attacked off by wolves, or have her spine obliterated after a 50-storey fall down an abandoned lift shaft, or we’d give her Ebola or we’d set her on fire and push her down the stairs or we’d drown her like a witch – and now it turns out they’re not.

Rejoice, single remaining Katherine Heigl fan! Your hero will live! ABC boss Steve McPherson told E! Online:

“She is absolutely staying with the show. She has an unbelievable storyline for her this year, which is really central to everything that is going to go on this season. Shonda is really excited about that; she’s the one who actually crafted that.”

Great, give Katherine Heigl exactly what she wants – that’ll cure her attitude problem, won’t it? They’re really not going to kill her off. They’re not even going to maim her a little bit. That’s just asking for trouble in our opinion.

The Grey’s Anatomy writers should at least write in the possibility of Katherine Heigl’s death. For example, it wouldn’t take much to end every episode with Heigl saying “Bye everyone, I’m off to see how long I can put my head inside a crocodile’s open mouth,” or “Are you all coming to my ballet recital over on the abandoned minefield tonight?” At least that way it wouldn’t be too hard to get rid of her after her next inevitable snotty outburst.

Yes, we’ve thought about this one quite hard.

Come on Katherine, grow some sense – you can’t make any comment about anything, ever, without it being jumped on and you made out to look like something of a snob or a twit. Remember the Knocked Up ’sexist’ fiasco? Where it came out that you thought the film was sexist? Then backtracked, claiming your quote was taken out of context?

Then everyone decided you hated the film?

Then everyone decided you were a bit of a mouthy git?

Seriously – the smart money would be on choosing your words more carefully, or just keeping schtum. But you haven’t learned – this time you’ve made it look as if you’re slagging off Grey’s Anatomy, which currently pays the bills. Again, maybe not so smart.

Yes, Katherine Heigl was nominated for an Emmy award at this year’s ceremony, but she’s gone and pulled out. Because apparently she doesn’t think she’s deserving of a trophy this year. #

Actually, that’s quite honourable and honest of her. So why did she have to go and make it sound as if she’s blaming the show for her being undeserving?

“I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention.”

Speaking to the Los Angeles Times, Heigl made it all too clear where she was placing the blame. She wasn’t the one that had been crap over the last year – the show was! It’s all clear now! Possibly noticing that this was one of the least subtle comments belittling one’s own show, Katherine followed up the comment:

“In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials.”

Ah. Kick the Anatomy when it’s down, why don’t you. Jeez.

We suppose it could be worse – Katherine could be having a go at a show that actually has some good points, and not an overly-emotional, faux-intellectual farce of a television show that preys on the lowest common denominator to keep its viewing figures up. Like, say, if she started on The Wire, then, whoa. That wouldn’t bode well for her.

Consider yourself warned, Heigl.

But even a big star like Katherine Heigl needs to keep herself grounded, and that's why she spent last week getting married in Utah. Katherine Heigl has married Josh Kelley, who recently hit the record books for being the least famous musician ever, even beating that weird Asian kid who sits outside Debenhams playing the theme-tune to The Simpsons on a cello over and over again. To her credit, Katherine Heigl looked thrilled to be finally getting married, although with her reputation it's only going to be a matter of days before she gives a big long bitter interview to a leading glossy magazine all about how much she hates weddings, husbands, honeymoons, confetti and happiness.

Oh come on, you know who Katherine Heigl is. She's the woman from Grey's Anatomy who was in Knocked Up. You know, the woman from Grey's Anatomy who mentioned how much she dislikes Knocked Up in that interview about how much she dislikes Grey's Anatomy. You know who she is. 

Anyway, she's got married. We know, big stuff. Katherine Heigl's wedding to musician Josh Kelley took place on Thursday at a lodge in Park City, Utah. And by all accounts it was a beautiful ceremony. Obviously by 'all accounts' we mean 'just one account that we only just read about a second ago' and that happens to come from People:

With a light snow falling outside, Katherine Heigl exchanged vows with musician Josh Kelley in scenic Park City, Utah. The private reception was witnessed by Grey's Anatomy costars T.R. Knight – who told PEOPLE it was "incredible and beautiful" – and Sandra Oh, as well as Private Practice star Kate Walsh and new husband Alex Young. Taking place in a small, private tent at the Stein Eriksen Lodge, the nuptuals lasted about 30 minutes in an area decked out in white flowers and white candles. A walkway from the tent to the nearby reception was lined with white candles, illuminating the fresh snow. 

But who is this Josh Kelley character who's suddenly become Katherine Heigl's husband? Well, if you saw the Disney movie Brother Bear 2 you'll recognise his song Feels Like Home from the soundtrack. You didn't see that film? OK, then you might recognise his song Sunset Lover from the John Tucker Must Die soundtrack. Didn't see that one either? He did a song for My Super Ex-Girlfriend. No? Herbie Fully Loaded? Still no? Oh, suit yourselves.

Anyway, Josh Kelley first met Katherine Heigl when she starred in the music video to his song Only You. Ah, that old romantic 'invite women you want to have sex with to star in your music videos' ploy. It never fails to bring a lump to our throats. 

So congratulations to Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley. May you both stay married until the next really quiet news day comes around so we can pretend to be interested in that as well.

Read more:

Nothing Gray About Katherine Heigl's Wedding Day - E! Online

So really you'd think that Katherine Heigl would have enjoyed being in such a phenomenally well-received comedy movie, since it's paved her way to starring in a bunch of other inane-looking romantic comedies. But not a bit of it, because Katherine Heigl has said in an interview with Vanity Fair that Knocked Up was "hard to love" because it's "a little sexist." But then perhaps Katherine Heigl is confusing 'sexist' with 'capable of eliciting human responses from viewers' – something that Grey's Anatomy has never managed to really do, unless you count yawning as a human response.

By and large, Katherine Heigl was a revelation in Knocked Up, because it showed that a) she could act and b) she had a sense of humour. Compare that to Katherine Heigl's time on Grey's Anatomy when most people either a) didn't know who she was or b) didn't care who she was, and you'll see the difference.

However, behind the scenes of Grey's Anatomy Katherine Heigl gained a bit of a reputation for being outspoken – she was an integral part in the 'Get Isaiah Washington Fired' campaign of earlier this year – and that seems to have bled through to her movie work.

Because – despite being in Knocked Up, a movie that some critics called the funniest American film in years, and playing a role that thousands of actresses would have killed for – Katherine Heigl has decided to slag the film off in an interview with Vanity Fair:

"It was a little sexist. It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys. … Ninety-eight percent of the time it was an amazing experience, but it was hard for me to love the movie."

Silly Katherine Heigl. Someone in her position should know that if you star in one Judd Apatow movie, you're more or less allowed to star in every other Judd Apatow movie ever made until the end of time. So by laying into Knocked Up, there's a chance that Katherine Heigl has destroyed the possibility of guaranteed work and giant movie star paychecks for some time.

Not that we're against what Katherine Heigl says, of course. It's refreshing to see an actress talk so honestly about her work, while simultaneously expressing her feelings about an important topic like sexism. But it's just as well that female opinion doesn't count as much as male opinion, or else we'd really have to sit up and take notice of what she was saying. We think it was about housework or curtains or something.

Read more:

Star of 'Knocked Up' calls film 'a little sexist' – Chicago Sun-Times 

Sadly, nothing of the sort took place on Friday when Ellen Pompeo married her boyfriend Chris Ivery in New York. In fact, Ellen Pompeo's wedding was so low-key that not even Ellen Pompeo's own father knew of it until after it happened. But can you blame Ellen Pompeo for keeping it a secret? After all, with the bickering and fighting on the Grey's Anatomy set of late, Ellen must've been worried that her co-stars would have used chunks of human flesh as confetti if they'd have been invited. Plus the last thing anyone wants at their wedding is for Isaiah Washington to punctuate the vicar's "Does anyone here present know of any reason…" speech by shrieking the word "FAGGOT!"

More than a year has passed since the set of Grey's Anatomy was turned into the sort of screaming brawling mess you'd normally expect to see outside a Basingstoke Irish theme pub at closing time, and yet the aftershocks are still being felt.

This could be because of the way it was dealt with – after apparent fight-instigator Isaiah Washington was sacked from the show for screaming the word 'faggot' at then-closeted co-star TR Knight, he kept banging on about it until July – or it could be because Grey's Anatomy is such a terribly anaemic self-help bag of utter tittery that an amateurish, five-second-long shoving match is still the most exciting thing the show has ever produced.

That is, until now. That's because Grey's Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo – not the one from Knocked Up or the homophobic one or the gay one or the one from Sideways or the one with the nice hair; the one who's like an even more annoying Renee Zellweger – has got married. That's right, married. To a man. In a building. You might want to take a couple of seconds to get used to the magnitude of this.

According to reports, Ellen Pompeo's marriage to music producer Chris Ivery was a total surprise to everyone who didn't already know that Ellen Pompeo was engaged. Not only that but Ellen Pompeo's wedding was an ultra low-key event too, being held in the little-known and hard-to-find New York City Hall and with witnesses including famous recluse Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York – although he was probably just angling to follow-up his Sex And The City role with a cameo on Grey's Anatomy that allowed him to barge into an operating theatre and shout "I thought I was your boyfriend!" at the surgeon just like everyone else bloody does on the show. 

Anyway, despite being held in one of the most famous buildings on Earth with the mayor of one of the most famous cities on Earth as a witness, Ellen Pompeo still wanted to keep things so low-key that she didn't actually tell her Dad about it. Which would probably shine a light on what seems to be the troubled, complex relationship between Ellen Pompeo and her father which we're sure we'd look into if we even gave half a mouse's fart about Ellen Pompeo in the first place.