So, by now, you will have seen or at least become aware that Scarlett Johansson had some self-shot naked pictures leaked yesterday. That’s right. We’ve all seen her T&A now.

If you haven’t seen them (what have you been doing? Living in a cave?), click here and, no, they’re not safe for work.

Legally, we still have to add that we’re not 100% certain that they’re genuine (someone’s a bit good with photoshop if not), but adding to the credibility of the snaps is the news coming through that Johansson has asked the FBI to find out just who leaked the photographs. It wasn’t us. We could hack through cobwebs, let alone the photos from someone’s phone. However, there’s more rumours circulating that Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis should be feeling a little nervous today as there’s mutterings of nudes appearing of this pair.

An FBI spokesperson told The Wall Street Journal that their LA branch “is investigating the person or group responsible for a series of computer intrusion involving high profile figures,” including Johansson.

Johansson is now among a long list of celebrities cooperating with the FBI to bust a celebrity hacking ring. Apparently, there’s around 50 slebs who have been hacked, which is great news for you filth mongers out there. Great news for us too as the people of the celebrity world have been far too well-behaved of late.

The last high-profile celeb (well, high profile-ish) was Gossip Girl star Blake Lively who shared more of herself than she intended when some images appeared online. Alas, Lively’s rep said that the images weren’t the real deal and threatened to sue anyone who circulated these pictures.

Ahem.

Other names being thrown around for potential leaks are Jessica Alba and Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake, possibly together. Apparently, TMZ have seen them.

Uh oh!

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Big news folks! Big, big news! Despite nobody wanting to hire her for acting jobs, Taylor Momsen has decided to announce to the three people who showed any interest that she’s going to quit being a thespian.

That’s like Simon Cowell announcing that he’s quitting dressing up as a dog on children’s television.

So obviously, Momsen (sounds like the Swedish equivalent of Mumsnet) is going to focus on her underwhelming music career, complete with all it’s forced shock tactics, like flashing her boobs and getting young women to strip for her during shows.

If you didn’t know – which you almost certainly didn’t – Taylor Mumsnet is the front thing for Pretty Reckless, and she much prefers thinking of herself  as some kind of rock ‘n’ roll outlaw, as opposed to some bratty actor that everyone hates.

Alas, the brat tag won’t be shaken off that easily, but at least she’s now operating in a world where it is more openly encouraged.

She says:

“I quit Gossip Girl and now tour and am in a band. That’s pretty much all I want to do. Hopefully, I’ll be able to only do that for the rest of my life.”

Quit Gossip Girl? If rumours are to be believed, she was actually asked to go on an “indefinite hiatus” from the show because everyone couldn’t bear to work with her and her tantrums.

One member of the Gossip Girl cast famously said:

“What a diva! She was pathetic, she couldn’t remember her lines, and she didn’t even have that many. I thought to myself, ‘Why are we being held hostage by this brat?’”

Taylor Momsen there, on how to ‘quit’ acting and forge an ill-advised music career.

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Taylor Momsen likes to shock people. She burned her dog’s nuts and flashed her barely legal boobies at everyone and generally likes to pass herself off as the more reckless, firmer Iggy Pop. Alas, her tunes are awful and it reeks of the worst type of attention seeking (as opposed to the fun kind where everyone feels like they’re in on the joke).

So what is she up to now?

Well, in a bid to make us all feel like vile perverts, she’s got a bunch of girls to strip their clothes off on-stage, and sadly, we’ve got the video too… which will probably get us all arrested for peddling underage filth. You should burn your hardrive after watching it… which you will… because you’re disgusting.

We previously reported that Momsen had been misbehaving in Barcelona (the kind of misbehaving that has one eye on the people watching, just make sure it has as wide an impact as possible), and now there’s a video you can watch which will make you feel really uncomfortable.

See, while Momsen is keen to get her things out for the enjoyment of young men and women with stains down their trousers, it feels a little creepy when she’s plucking young women from her audience and getting them to do it, especially when they’ve got the demeanour of someone who just bunked off Sunday School.

So in the video below, you’ll see Taylor – who was largely loathed on the set of Gossip Girl by her peers and colleagues – gyrating amongst a bunch of young ladies in their uniform black bras, before she kisses every single one of them.

And shame on you for watching it. And shame on us for sharing it.

We’re all desperately lonely.

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You know that Taylor Momsen, that teenage girl who acts seems to spend most of her life acting like a bit of a slag, wearing too much eye makeup and singing in that band that you still haven’t heard of? Well she’s been up to her old tricks again.

The Pretty Reckless singer, who used to be some sort of television star had previously gotten her underage baps out at a gig, gave a rather steamy lapdance to a female fan at a gig in Barcelona and even allowed another fan to give her chesticles a good ol’ fashioned grope.

ROCK N’ ROLL!

It’s probably worth pointing out that Momsen is still only 17. So don’t try looking for a video of the alleged incident, unless you want to find yourself on the sex offender’s register.

Taylor has managed to pack a lot in to her brief period of teenage rebellion; As we previously stated, she bared her breasts during a live show, cremated her dog’s testicles, accused her parents of ruining her life before making a U-turn that would make a politician blush and now she’s started engaging in sexual activity with her own fans.

We can’t help but wonder where all this is heading though. We can only assume that the second Momsen turns 18 she’s going to host an orgy the likes of which even Charlie Sheen wouldn’t be able to comprehend.

One thing’s for sure though, Taylor’s latest lewd incident isn’t going to hurt ticket sales for The Pretty Reckless’ current European Tour, which is where the Barcelona Boob Grope took place. In fact, you probably stopped reading this ages ago so you could check the dates for the tour, didn’t you?

After all, who cares about the feelings of a young girl who’s grown up way too fast and is obviously crying out for some sort of help when she can be used as both a cash cow AND jailbait wank bank material!?

You make us sick.

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Remember how Blake Lively (yes, we’ve checked – that really is the name her parents bestowed on her) has never been naked in her entire life, let alone whipped out a smartphone and snapped pictures of her junk?

Well, after reps howled that the snaps were “100 percent FAKE!”, the hacker who circulated the photographs has decided to hit back.

And they’ve decided to hit back with a further 17 naked pictures of the Gossip Girl and hand-holder of Leonardo DiCaprio.

Legally, we must continually point out that the actress vehemently denies that it is she appearing in the explicit pictures which are very easily found online (if not, turn your ‘safe search’ off Google Images you massive wimp).

We must also point out, morally, that anyone who hasn’t ever indulged in some kind of nudie self-shots is some kind of backward pervert. Seriously. What’s wrong with you? What exactly are you hiding?

Anyway, these hackers have leaked new photos which ALLEGEDLY feature Lively in a bid to ‘prove’ that they are the real deal.

The hacker says, in a tone that wouldn’t pass as formal sounding in a job interview:

“Oh, yes, Blake’s rep. These are totally fake. We really, really believe you. Want moar? Btw, thanks for all the fats”.

The photos in question, which you’re probably already idly searching for despite not really knowing who she is, consist of Whoever The Woman Who Looks Like Blake Lively Is holding an iPhone with a distinctive protective cover. One that people are presumably trying to match up with a pap shot.

Lively’s representatives are yet to comment on this new batch as they’re probably still writing out invoices to send to the actress in exchange for some kind of damage limitation or upkeep of reputation.

Coming soon: Blake Lively gets vagina out in film or something

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We say Blake Lively, and you say “Who? She’s got a funny name though!” Well, she’s… uh… y’know? She was in Gossip Girl. Didn’t watch it? She was in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants too. How dare you suggest we made that film up! It was really… well… we haven’t seen it. She rumoured to be Leonardo Dicaprio’s current beau. Does that count for anything? No?

So why on Earth are we writing about this person of absolutely no interest or cultural value?  Because there’s leaked photographs of her being completely naked online, that’s why! And she happens to be Leonardo Dicaprio’s current beau.

Or, more appropriately, ALLEGED nude photos. That’s because she’s denying that these pictures are real and, so certain is she that she’s willing to take legal action about it.

The images, which you can see for yourself by conducting a simple internet search (goodbye to everyone reading this article), feature a blonde woman completely in the nip, and, well, she probably does look like Blake Lively… but we have absolutely no idea.

She could kick us up the colon shouting “I’M BLAKE LIVELY” and we’d still have absolutely no idea.

Anyway, Blake’s team have come out and said that the nude girl in the photos are not starring their client and are convinced that the snaps have been doctored. Even though they’re threatening legal action to anyone who publishes them, they are rather pleased with the publicity it is generating.

A rep says:

“The photos of Blake Lively which have just surfaced on various websites including Perez Hilton and Zap2it are 100 per cent fake.”

“Blake has never taken nude photos of herself. Blake will pursue legal action against the publication which initially published these photographs and any other outlets that republish them in any manner.”

She was nudie in that film she appears to be in that comes up in Google Images, but whatever. What kind of young, thin attractive person DOESN’T take naked pictures of themselves? WEIRDOS THAT’S WHO.

How very, very boring.

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ITV2 is a very odd channel. They seem intent on keeping Kerry Katona’s career alive for reasons that quite frankly baffle anyone with half a brain cell, even budget supermarket Iceland had enough sense to get rid of her and they had an advert in which Jason Donovan did the can-can in fish nets.

But even by their usual insane standards ITV2 has thrown us a curve ball, by using an obscure 90s alternative band famed for excess and eccentricity to advertise their middle of the road teen drama Gossip Girl.

Whilst getting our daily Loose Women fix we here in the hecklerspray bedsit couldn’t help but notice that the trailer for the new series of Gossip Girl featured the song Love Your Money by Daisy Chainsaw.

Because what says cool teen drama about modern day problems better than a pre-Cobain anthem about how shallow the record industry is?

For those unfamiliar with Daisy Chainsaw they were an alt.grunge band that inhabited the early to mid 90s with a borderline creepy juxtaposition of grinding guitars and child like vocals who went on to become the cult, Paris based, post-millennium rock band Queen Adreena.

They were also once referenced in an episode of Roseanne as Darlene’s favourite band, which automatically elevates their status to legendary.

Imagine if Gossip Girl star and singer for the Pretty Reckless, Taylor Momson, was fused with Keith Richards by way of post meltdown Charlie Sheen and you’ve probably got a pretty good idea of what Daisy Chainsaw singer KatieJane Garside was like in her Daisy Chainsaw days.

Garside once reportedly got so tired of her fame that she went to live in the woods for a few years. Could you imagine the sweet little pop-punk rebel Taylor Momson doing that, living in the woods, all on her own? She wouldn’t last a day without her eyeliner.

Plus she’d actually have to do something of note to achieve said fame in the first place, other than getting her underage baps out for the enjoyment of nonces everywhere that is.

While we’re naturally delighted that Daisy Chainsaw (and therefore Queen Adreena) are being given a fresh breath of life, we just wish it didn’t have to be in a bloody Gossip Girl trailer.

Because there’s nothing more annoying than listening to one of your favourite early 90s rock song without some peroxide blonde, Fukushima orange, shrieking jezebel, clad in an oversized t-shirt that proclaims something vacuous like OMG or LOL, clacking her way towards you in stripper heels whilst using her piercing, shrill voice to loudly exclaim, “OMG! Is that like, the song from the gossip girl ad!? It’s totally fetch!”

Although, it would be brilliant to see the new series of whatever it is ITV2 use as a platform to show Kerry Katona advertised using the Queen Adreena song Pretty Like Drugs.

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Taylor Momsen, is like, totally serious about her music and wants us all to know that, despite distracting us from said music by constantly getting her lady baps out, this really isn’t a “vanity” project.

Of course, you’ll definitely know Momsen from her role as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl. However, she’s been effectively thrown off the show for being unbearable and so brattish that she makes Veruca Salt look as quiet as a sleeping nun.

These days, she’s all about her rock band The Pretty Reckless who have released an album and everything! You won’t know that it was called Light Me Up because you were too busy looking at Taylor’s momsens. You’re not even reading this are you? You’re looking at her busters right now. Sicko.

Momsen, presumably wearing an illegally small amount of clothes, hopes that us plebs will realise that music is just as much of a passion as her acting.

“It’s still something I have to overcome. I don’t think it’s fully transitioned. I would consider myself a musician that also acts. I’ve been writing songs since I was five. It’s the thing that I chose for myself. I wasn’t put into it. I made the decision and couldn’t live without it, and hopefully people will give the record a chance and they’ll hear that. They’ll hear that it’s not some side vanity project [but] that I really, really worked on it for a long time, really my whole life.”

She’s dedicated her impressively short life to an album! AMAZING! High art for all! Yeah man! Don’t be expecting any of that pop rubbish from Momsen!

“I wouldn’t have ever put out a dance record and probably never will. I think there’s a place for all types of music, but it’s not my cup of tea. I love classic rock.”

Classic rock! Yeah! Just what the world needs more of! Backward, regressive, turgid white rock for people who don’t like music you can dance to! WAHOO! But if she’s making American alt.rock, surely we’re only a stones throw away from someone saying the word ‘raw’ (you can blame every journalist who ever wrote about Nirvana for that stupid phrase).

“What I love about music is I love playing. That’s what I loved about music to begin with; that’s what I fell in love with. It was the rawness and hearing the imperfections and having the imperfections be what makes it so unique and honest. I really wanted to make an honest record. That was the outlook that kept me sane and honest.”

But you’re still thinking about her boobs aren’t you?

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Taylor Momsen is no longer the face and eyeshadow of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes Leon’s Material Girl fashion line.

For some reason, fashion lines associated with Madonna don’t sell themselves. While we work out why not, and why her 14-year-old daughter wasn’t the first spokesmodel for her own teenage fashion line, we’ll just let you know Taylor’s got one less way in which to ruin your sofa cushions.

Taylor, of Gossip Girl fame, spent the end of last year representing Material Girl. Which, to be blunt, seemed to mean little more than she would make less than half-a-dozen appearances and pose for the promotional poster. That’s better than the paper round we shared at hecklerspray bedsit, which paid for our milk and cookies, when we were 17-years-old.

But, Taylor’s attempts were still pretty uninspiring and rushed. She didn’t exactly sound thrilled to pick up the gig, and deigned to wear trousers, for hours at a time, during promotional appearances.

The actress is no longer duty-bound to wear trousers, as she has been replaced by Kelly Osbourne.The 26-year-old replaces the teenager, after Lourdes wrote on the fashion line’s blog that they were ‘desperately seeking’ a new face. Which we’re blithely translating as, ‘There are only so many times we can wash Taylor’s eye make-up off our cushion covers before they start to fade!’

From Us Magazine:

“Material Girl is thrilled to confirm that Kelly Osbourne is the new face for 2011! We will be sharing all the details on this exciting new campaign in the upcoming weeks,” the rep confirms to UsMagazine.com. Osbourne, it seems, was the natural choice. “Kelly’s always been a massive fan of Madonna and recently heard Lourdes idolized her, which she was very flattered by. It’s a huge coup,” a source told Britain’s Sunday Mirror.

This is just marvellous. Because it means as we, of hecklerspray bedsit, try on the snazzy items we saw in Tiger Beat, we can stretch them out and not worry that we are the ones who raccoon smudged rings around the necks of all those shirts.

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, which is genuinely brilliant and marvellous.

Taylor Momsen is a wild child. Not because she’s troubled or has a fixation with self-destruction. Rather, she’s simply decided that it would be a cool thing to do. She’s in a rock band and, as such, needs to play out the character of suicide blonde on a death-trip, when really, she’s probably just a bratty thing in expensive underpants.

And she may well be realising that she doesn’t have to believe her own bullshit. After spouting off about how her parents ruined her life, she’s now backtracking and chunnering on about how great they are.

You have to assume they’re not because they nurtured Taylor Momsen, professional dipstick.

The singer has previously said that she’s been all kinds of miserable because her parents forced her to work constantly since she was two years old. As such, she’s decided to get them back by showing her boobs off during gigs. Yeah! Stick it to the man!

However, like a goody-two-shoes, she has now decided to be a doting sprog.

“I love my mom and dad. Maybe I didn’t have the childhood people think you should have, but I still went through the ages. I was still a child. Maybe it wasn’t a conventional one, but you know… I like where I am now, so it’s OK. I think my parents have learned by this point that none of [what they read] is probably true, and words can be put in your mouth.”

Words, indeed, can be put in your mouth but alas, no-one can be blamed for the tawdry rubbish that falls out of it all the time, eh?

And poor ol’ Momsen isn’t done yet. She wants us all to appreciate that she likes where she is right now, but also, feel sorry for her that she’s struggling with the cruel, unswerving spotlight of fame.

“If you think about it like high school or college then you’ve got your circle of friends – my band are my friends – then outside of that there’s going to be people that don’t like you, there’s going to be people that talk about you, and there’s going to be people that go ‘Wow! Look how big her shoes are!’ no matter where you are.

‘This is just high school on a massive, massive scale. So I ignore what people say and focus on my music and doing what I do.”

What? Big shoes? You think we’re looking at your shoes? Silly sausage. We were still looking at your boobs and talking about them because we’re all pervs.

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When Taylor Momsen is not flashing her baps at her own mother or singing in a rock band, she’s an actress in Gossip Girl. However, it looks like she might not be in the hit American show for much longer.

She’s pretty busy without the show, fronting Pretty Reckless and being the face of Madonna’s Material Girl fashion line and John Galliano’s latest perfume campaign, but maybe that’s because she’s anticipating a lot of free time after being put on hiatus from her Gossip Girl gig (where she plays Jenny Humphrey).

Reports are circulating that Momsen will be on an indefinite hiatus after next Monday’s episode. You might not even notice as she’s only appeared in three episodes this season.

Of course, there’s no official comment thus far, but it seems that Momsen will be absent from the show for at least four episodes, including the show’s midseason finale.

This news may come as relief to some as she’s not exactly been popular with those she’s worked with.

Project Runway’s Tim Gunn appeared in an episode with Momsen this season and slated her for being an unbearable diva. Naturally, there’s some of you who think that being a diva is alright, but to paraphrase Joan Rivers, a diva is what you call a cunt when they’re still in the room.

Gunn said of Momsen:

“What a diva! She was pathetic, she couldn’t remember her lines, and she didn’t even have that many. I thought to myself, ‘Why are we being held hostage by this brat?’ “

Momsen’s behaviour has been increasingly risque, but she’s blaming that on her parents (which really, all 17 year olds have the right to do):

She said:

“Everyone’s like, ‘Wow, why is she upset and why is she so miserable about things?’ My parents signed me up with Ford [modeling agency] at the age of 2. No 2-year-old wants to be working, but I had no choice. … My whole life, I was in and out of school. I didn’t have any friends. I was working constantly and I didn’t have a real life.”

So now, it seems, she’s getting her kicks (great news for plebs like us). It certainly seems that Momsen won’t be going back to Gossip Girl and it feels like it is only a matter of time before she slags off the producers of the show.

This, of course, should be encouraged.

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Taylor Momsen’s mother doesn’t really seem to give a damn. We’re assuming and reading a lot into the motives of some one who would allow their 17-year-old to expose their chest as part of a stage act, every night. But we do think it’s a fair assessment. Though we were raised by hecklerspray wolves who gave us a stern talking to if we ever tried to leave the house dressed inappropriately. So we’re like children of the 1950s when it comes to inappropriate acting out.

Our judging Taylor’s mother, because wild animals did a better job with us, is neither here nor there. But, if you’ll indulge us a little further there’s something you may like to know about the exact level of smuttiness on display when Taylor flashed a crowd, last Thursday.

As an amendment to our previous slut rating of ‘faux shock tactic’, we’d like to point out that this child’s mother was in the audience.

We’re going to need to crank that rating up to ‘hamfisted attempt at living vicariously through one’s offspring’. And, we’re going to need to take the title away from Taylor and give it to her mother.

Those wondering ‘where this girl’s parents are’, when the singer for The Pretty Reckless is flashing standing in front of her band of grown men, now have 50% of an answer to that question. Her mother, Colette Momsen, is feet away, at all times, cheering on her daughter’s inappropriate acting out. She’s a Dina Lohan-style stage mother. One doing a noticeably-worse job than Dina.

From Hollywood Life:

Taylor Momsen shocked everyone when she flashed the crowd at her Pretty Reckless concert at NYC’s Don Hill’s club,Oct. 21, and HollywoodLife.com was there in the audience of about 65 fans! But, we can now also reveal that Taylor’s mom, Colette Momsen was also in attendance! Not only did Taylor don stripper heels, and a necklace that read “Slave,” at the PAPER Magazine & Express Celebrate “Rock The Sidewalk” event, her mom seemed to be totally fine with her 17-year-old daughter’s performance!

Moreover, someone not raised by wolves thinks Taylor is doomed. Doooomed.

We spoke to Beverly Hills psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman, to discuss why Taylor’s mother would tacitly allow such over sexualization of her underage daughter. “[Her behavior] could be directed towards her stage mom, who is obviously egging her on in order to vicariously enjoy her fame,” believes Dr. Lieberman. “Taylor is following in the footsteps of Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears whose moms are actively working on making them superstars, regardless of whether they self-destruct in the process.”

Oh – we’re not writing this because we’re bitter we got arrested that time we flashed our collective goodies during the ‘hecklerspray hobo mixer’, held in the middle of the street.

We’re considering this a public service announcement.

This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so hooray for that.

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If you’ve seen Gossip Girl, then you’ve seen Taylor Momsen. That’s because Taylor Momsen is in Gossip Girl. Simple really. Anyway, brace yourself because you’re about to look at her breasts as well.

17 year old breasts you stinkin’ perverts.

That’s right, in the hope that everyone will write about her (which we are because we’re pathetic), Momsen got ‘em out during a gig in New York when she was performing with her group Pretty Reckless.

Taylor exposed her mammaries to the audience to reveal black-tape Xs over her nipular regions. 17 year old nipular regions you disgusting sex pests!

Of course, Momsen is thriving in faux shock tactics. When she’s not pulling her top down, she’s posing in magazine shoots in lingerie while carrying firearms. When she’s not doing that, she’s making astonishingly awful emo records.

So should we worry about a young wealthy famous person being desperate for attention? Are you even reading these words or are you still looking at that picture of her boobies?

Whatever. Momsen says that her on-stage persona is just another role she’s playing.

She said:

“On stage I’m performing. It’s another extension of myself. I mean, I don’t walk out of my bedroom in the morning with stripper heels on.”

It goes without saying that this is all pretty good publicity for the new single, ‘Make Me Wanna Die’, which Momsen happens to be singing at the time she flashes her breasts in the video.

Of course, there’s a proper video for the record, which also happens to see Taylor in a state of undress. Yep. You filthy flasher mac types can see her stripping down to her stockings and suspenders before she sets on fire. Click here if you want to see that as well you perverted animals.

Naturally, you lot are now in a confusing state of horror and arousal (what are you? Catholic or something?) and it won’t be helped when 17 year old Momsen tells you that she likes weapons and porn.

She said:

“If it’s a good sex tape, I’ll watch it… I like some adult stars.”

And, apparently, she also removed her dog’s balls by setting them on fire or something. That’s what is going to happen to anyone who reads this article all the way through because you’re all vile pervs.

Pretty Reckless guitarist Ben Phillips stated:

“‘Taylor loves setting things on fire… she thinks we’re some rock ‘n’ roll badasses. One morning, Taylor got into the studio really early – she’d just had her dog neutered and brought in the bits. Which she then burned. We were grossed out.”

You all wanked out now?

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Have you seen Gossip Girl? Do you hate it? Then it really doesn’t make sense for you to read this article does it? You really are toweringly dim aren’t you? Anyway, those of you left who LURVE Gossip Girl, or indeed, just like trying to win free things, your luck is in!

The picture to the right of this article, coupled with the words you read in the headline, should tell you that you can win some Gossip Girl goodies. Goodies, in this instance, means a bunch of Gossip Girl books and a signed DVD for the first two seasons. If you’re British, ‘seasons’ means series.

If you’re American, you can’t enter anyway… and the DVD probably wouldn’t work on your DVD player. Anyway! Want to win stuff? Then, as ever, click over the jump for the details and such.

So. There’ll be three lots to give away (which means three winners)  which consist of a Gossip Girl box set signed by Ed Westwick or Jessica Szohr and 8 Gossip Girl novels.

ITV2 are sorting you out with this prizes, which means, the least you could do in return is watch Gossip Girl tonight at 8PM on ITV2.

So what do you need to do to win things that you haven’t paid for? A SAE envelope full of your own hair?

Nope.

A stupid promotional code sent into a computer which will use your details to send you annoying junk?

Nope.

This is dead easy.

First, you need to read this tricky question.

Chuck Bass is a character in Gossip Girl. What is his name in Gossip Girl?

a) Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl
b) Bootsy Collins Who Plays The Bass Really Well
c) Fender Precision Jazz Bass Which Is A Musical Instrument And Not In Fact A Human

Right. Got the answer? Good. Now, don’t tell us the answer because we’ll ignore you. In case you’re skim reading this, we’ll tell you the next bit in capitals so you don’t miss it.

IMPORTANT: SEND YOUR ANSWER TO ITV2′s TWITTER ACCOUNT! HOW VERY MODERN!

Click here to visit ITV2′s twitter account.

You’ll have to follow them to be in with a shout of winning (they’ll know if you’re not because they’ve got a team of spies or something). Oh, and the answer is a).

Winners will be picked at random and follow up tweets sent to acquire postal details. Anyone not responding with their address within three days will miss out and another name will be drawn – so check your account regularly! Entrants must be 15 years old or older to enter. Entries close at 12pm on Sunday 26th September 2010. Competition limited to entrants in the UK.

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Have you seen Gossip Girl? It’s terrible isn’t it? It’s like an overly-long tooth-paste commercial based on Cruel Intentions. In the thick of the show is dashing sneerer, Ed Westwick who is living up to his character’s traits by waggling his bits about in front of humans in the hope they’ll succumb to his dubious charms.

This time, his sights are set squarely on Cheryl Cole.

So what does he see in Cheryl? Is it because she’s still recovering from malaria? Is it her vast wealth? Is it her weight-lifter trousers that she wore in the Fight For This Love video?

Ed certainly seems bowled over by The X Factor judge and has had an outpouring of mushy praise for the Girls Aloud singer.

He said:

“Cheryl is ideal. There’s something about her soft Geordie accent that just does it for me. I’d love to take her for some good old-fashioned fish and chips. My dad is from the north east, and girls with those accents…. well, they’re just amazing.”

What a lovely image. Two famous people dangling their feet into the water at the docks in Newcastle, gently pushing the needles and condoms away that float close by, both talking to each other like Sid The Sexist. Pet.

Of course, Ed, who plays bad boy Chuck Bass in Gossip Girl, is newly single after splitting-up with co-star Jessica Szohr. We wonder if he had to put all his stuff in bin bags and load the car up like we all do?

Now he’s on the market and gunning for Wor Cheryl, he’s going to have to join a lengthy queue as she’s being courted by the likes of Chace Crawford and will.i.am.

Let’s not forget that she’s been hanging around with Derek Hough who has been helping to mend her crippled heart… crippled by that shag-sack, Ashley Cole. It’s worth pointing out that Hecklerspray does not believe that both these men used Cheryl as a Professional Beard for one second. Nope. No truth in it at all.

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