Yes folks, it’s not a festive edition of The Tumblr Trawler and let us tell you why not; Christmas is rubbish. It’s especially rubbish when it comes to memes. Still, here’s this week’s trawl through the briney depths.

5. Replace Face: Want to see what Jason Statham, Danny Trejo & Donald Trump would look like as Russian Generals? Well, we would like to draw your attention to Replace Face.

4. OMG CATS IN SPACE: Is this really, really worth clicking on? We know you like cats and everything but do you really, really want to see a load of cats out in the blackness of space? OF COURSE YOU DO!

3. Feminist Ryan Gosling: Ryan Gosling’s a good feminist guy and wants you to know it. He’s been putting up pictures of himself quoting feminist theory. Oh… what? It’s not actually him? Where’s the appeal then?

2. Barack Obama <3s Gary Busey: Seriously, the most powerful man in the world just can’t go anywhere without his good friend Barack Obama trying to tag along.

1. Nick Clegg Looking Sad: There’s nothing we like to see more at Christmas time than an ineffectual politician with no backbone or discernable policies looking like someone’s just kicked his cat. Here are some images of Nick Clegg having an absolutely awful time. Good.

It is a truth passed down from generation to generation amongst Hollywood’s glittering elite. There’s no reason to make something if you can remake something. Hollywood film executives are willing to remake or reboot any film or franchise in the pursuit of artistic fulfilment*.

From tat like The Day The Earth Stood Still to horror classics like Dracula, it’s nigh-on impossible to escape the pervasive influence of the Hollywood remake in modern cinema. Hollywood is even willing to remake remakes and reboot reboots. One need only look at the treatment of The Incredible Hulk & Spiderman to see that Hollywood’s pursuit of film-making perfection** is a rolling juggernaut of epic proportions.

These big-money remakes of classics usually focus on films and characters that are omnipresent in the minds of the public, encouraging a sense of anticipation as idiots clamber over one-another to see the first teaser trailer on Youtube, while cynics raise their flared nostrils skywards and sniff loudly that it’s never going to be as good as the original.

Even the ‘modern classics’ aren’t safe. Those films that people loved as children for being cheese-filled romps full of dance sequences and genuinely awful dialogue are being recreated for the Glee generation. Just look at Footloose, a film so terrible the first time around that both Kenny Loggins & Kevin Bacon still have night terrors where they’re being chased around a small town by the blood-vomiting, putrefying corpse of John Lithgow. Now it is the turn of 1991 Surf ‘Em Up, Point Break to fall into the crosshairs of the Hollywood snipers.

Say what you want about the original Point Break; it’s not terribly good but it’s not terribly terrible. It is, without a doubt, one of those films that people remember fondly until they sit down to watch it one night and realise that they’d rather be face down in a shell-hole being stabbed in the back by a rusty bayonet than watching Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze play some hard-surfing, hard-loving, hard-men with Gary Busey thrown in to really ramp up the crazy factor.

Therefore, it’s the perfect film for Hollywood’s razor-taloned vultures to get involved with.

The remake has been picked up by Warner Bros & Alcon Entertainment who seem keen to get the film cranked out as quickly as possible, presumably in order to give it that rough, unprepared, ill-conceived notion that runs through most modern cinema. Yes, it really is a golden*** generation.

The film doesn’t have a director yet but movie-goers should have no fear. It already has a screenplay by Kurt Wimmer. Kurt Wimmer is the man behind 2010′s Angelina Jolie vehicle Salt. A statement released by Alcon Entertainment said, amongst other things:

“Kurt’s take infuses the story and characters with new twists and settings. We’re very excited to be in business with Kurt, and Michael DeLuca, Chris Taylor, and John Baldecchi.”

This is Kurt Wimmer the man who- in case you missed it- wrote Salt, one of the least original films ever made by human hands. Luckily for Wimmer it would have been the least original film ever made but Tom Cruise had to drop out of the part and it was hastily re-written for Angelina Jolie.

Anyone unfamiliar with Wimmer’s work should watch any Steven Seagal film, replace the strong male protagonist with a strong female protagonist and imagine a twist that’s as insultingly blatant as asking a young police constable to hold your passport while you beat his grandmother about the head using his own truncheon.

We can only assume that these are the twists to which the Alcon Statement refers. We can only hope that the new Point Break will follow Salt’s lead and include an obvious set-up for a sequel which it will never get.

*Cash

**Money

***Bullion

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Quickly – who won at the Oscars this year? You can't remember, can you.

It's OK, nor can anyone. Because this year, the Oscars weren't about stupid things like 'films' and 'artistic excellence' – they were about Gary Busey drooling all over Jennifer Garner's neck until she looked like she was about to cry.

And now, about six weeks after everyone forgot that he even did it, Gary Busey has issued a statement apologising to Jennifer Garner for any distress he caused. Apparently he was aiming his spittle for her cleavage or something. He didn't say that, exactly, but it'd just make sense.

Generally speaking, the Oscars are a bit like Christmas. You get excited for the big day, you can't turn anywhere without being swarmed with reminders about it, and then three days after it's finished you can't remember who gave you what and the four kilograms of Haribo you ate in 36 hours have left you feeling like your brain's about to implode.

But not this year, though. This year will go down in history as the year that Gary Busey went mental at the Oscars, started screaming at Ryan Seacrest and then tried to maul the neck off Jennifer Garner with his mouth. It was a beautiful thing to watch – so much so that we didn't even bother to question why someone like Gary Busey was even at the Oscars in the first place. 

A few days later Gary Busey phoned Ryan Seacrest's radio show ostensibly to apologise, except that he didn't realise that he was on the air and just banged on abstractly about how Seacrest was an "innocent champion of honesty" and the art of catching dreams for a bit. Which is all very well and good, except that poor Jennifer Garner didn't get the apologetic Gary Busey treatment.

Until now. Even though the Oscars happened about a month ago, Gary Busey has chosen to release a statement apologising to Jennifer Garner for making her look genuinely terrified in front of an audience of millions. Well, we say 'apologise'… The Associated Press reports:

"I meant no disrespect to Ms. Jennifer Garner when I met her at the Oscars and apologize if I made her uncomfortable," the 63-year-old actor said in a statement e-mailed Monday by a publicist for his attorney, Vicki Roberts. By the time he realized Garner and Linney were being interviewed, Busey said he tried to step back but "suddenly Ryan introduced her to me… I simply greeted both actresses with joy and open arms, which is the way I would greet anyone I'm happy to meet," Busey said. "Everyone has experienced a handshake or hug which has turned awkward, and this was no different."

To be fair, Gary Busey does have a point – we've experienced plenty of hugs which have turned awkward in the past, so we know exactly where he's coming from. And, coincidentally, most of those hugs have turned awkward because we've furiously started licking at the other person's neck as well. Funny, that.

Anyway, now that Gary Busey's conscience is clear he can slowly dissolve away into big-toothed anonymity again – but things won't be so easy for Jennifer Garner. After all, thanks to video footage of the incident hundreds of millions of lonely men now know that Jennifer Garner pulls one of the most adorable faces you've ever seen if you suddenly lunge in and kiss her on the neck. Who wouldn't want to try that for themselves?

Read more:

Busey Apologizes for Red Carpet Blunder – AP 

Chances are you've woken up after a night out in the past and thought "Oh God, what did I do last night?"

And if that stuff you did included slathering kisses up Jennifer Garner's neck and verbally assaulting Ryan Seacrest on live global TV on the Oscars red carpet, then you probably know how Gary Busey has been feeling this week.

Except, no, you really don't. Because Gary Busey phoned Ryan Seacrest's radio show yesterday to explain his bizarre Oscars antics. And it turns out he's like that all the time.

You're probably sick of the Oscars by now. We are. We already know everything that happened - No Country For Old Men won and nobody watched and Whoopi Goldberg got ignored and was sad. And that's about it. Or at least it would be, were it not for the gloriously unhinged red carpet shenanigans of Gary Busey.

You know. Gary Busey. From Lethal Weapon. And Predator 2. And Under Siege. Barely even counts as an actor. Went to the Oscars anyway. Doesn't matter. Because in one fell swoop on Sunday night Gary Busey provided the sole Oscars highlight by staggering up to Ryan Seacrest live on TV during the pre-show red carpet segment, shouting something along the lines of "You! Youuuuuuu!" and then wiping his damp mouth up and down the neck of a clearly disgusted Jennifer Garner before stumbling off again. It was perfect, and it's here.

Now, your average human being would probably wake up the next morning feeling slightly shamefaced about everything and desperate to either hide away in private forever or justify their actions. Not Gary Busey, though – he phoned up Ryan Seacrest on his radio show yesterday not to apologise but to try and explain what he was trying to babble at him at the Oscars in the most nonsensical way imaginable. E! Online quotes:

You are to me, when you're working, an innocent champion of honesty. Your heart has a way to embrace the truth in your delivery without looking like you are reading a script. Everything looks spontaneous. What spontaneity is—spontaneity comes from an invisible idea that is there before the creation began. And you have that naturally, so I just wanted to pay you a compliment. But I didn't know you were in the middle of an interview, I was just moving through there.

We'd love to transcribe the whole Gary Busey interview, in fact – it's full of talk about catching dreams and the etymology of the word 'fan' – but you can click the link below for edited highlights.

All in all, though, Gary Busey's bewildering behaviour has led us to believe that maybe he might be just the thing to turn around the Oscars' dwindling fortunes. Imagine an entire Oscars ceremony hosted by Gary Busey. It'd be awesome – he'd divide his time rambling on enthusiastically about nothing and dribbling wads of man saliva over whichever female he happened to be nearest to. 

In fact, forget the Oscars. Gary Busey deserves his own VH1 reality TV show. That's how big he deserves to be.

Read more:

Gary Busey Rambles, Deems Ryan Seacrest an "Innocent Champion of Honesty" – E! Online