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Fashion

Donatella Versace Doesn’t Want Non-Anorexics To Wear Her Clothes. Here’s Why She’s Right

by Robin Darke

It seems like the highly anticipated, but probably ultimately disappointing, collaboration between Versace and H&M is headed for rocky roads. Roads that are as rocky as Donatella Versace’s face. That’s because the raggedy face fashion luminaire has decided, a few days before the actual range lands in stores, that she doesn’t like the look of [...]

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TV Review: Mary Portas Opens A Shop To Cry In

by Robin Darke

There’s always someone on TV spouting some fashion related twaddle about upcoming Autumn/Winter looks and how on-trend leggings are, and they’re generally all giant weeping arseholes. If it isn’t Gok Wan molesting women and masquerading it as appreciation of the female form then it’s that nad-less Mark Heyes spouting how great different shades of red [...]

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John Galliano Is Officially A Filthy Moustachioed Jew Hater

by Mof Gimmers

Ridiculously dressed designer, John Galliano, has been found guilty of racist and anti-Semitic behaviour by a Paris court today, which means you can’t go around shouting your mouth off about Jews. Okay? Johnny G was facing charges of “casting public insults based on origin, religious affiliation, race or ethnicity” by French authorities and was ordered [...]

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Richard Branson’s House Tries To Murder Kate Winslet

by Mof Gimmers

Richard Branson is a slimeball git. His greatest sleight of hand is that he’s passed himself off as some kind of lovable British eccentric who flies balloons and wants to send the wealthy on flights to the moon. However, in reality, he’s a shitehawk who likes nothing more than ferreting vast sums of money in [...]

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Coco Chanel Was A Nazi Spy, Which Makes You Lot Anti Semitic

by Mof Gimmers

What’s the fashion world’s problem with Jews? Seriously. John Galliano recently went nutso about our Jewish cousins, and now, people are accusing the ghost of Coco Chanel of being a massive Jew hater. See, there’s this book out which points at the fashion legend while mouthing the words “Nazi sympathiser”. In fact, it’s suggested that [...]

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Kate Moss Gets The Crayons Out To Start Writing Tedious Autobiography

by Mof Gimmers

Models are, if we’re being honest, the most crashingly wearisome humans on Earth. They’re hired to be transparent when wearing clothes (why would a designer hire a human who actively distracts you from their clothes, huh?) and work so much that their lives are a series of non-events. The only time anyone gets truly interested [...]

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Kate Winslet Joins The Idiot Chorus Cooing About Real Women’s Curves

by Mof Gimmers

All women are completely imaginary unless they’re curvy. You didn’t know? That’s right! If you’re thin, you are most certainly not a real woman. If you don’t have big boobs, then you’re definitely not a real woman. If you have no discernible junk in the trunk, then sorry, you’re a figment of your own imagination. [...]

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Leona Lewis Goes On And On And On About How She Isn’t Boring

by Mof Gimmers

When conducting an interview with Leona Lewis, it is best to set a tape recorder running because, should you fall asleep with tedium (an absolutely certainty), you’ll still get a document of the words she says. Alas, the problem is, is that, when you listen to those same words back, you’ll fall into a coma [...]

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Kanye West To Release A Line Of Rubbish Silk Scarves?

by Kris Silver

Kanye West likes to remind us how ghetto he is whenever he can, because we shouldn’t be fooled by the rocks that he’s got, he’s still Kanye from the block. But Kanye’s ghetto credentials may finally get revoked if rumours of his latest business venture are to be believed. According to some magazine we’d never [...]

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John Galliano Hates Jews Apparently

by Mof Gimmers

Funny little moustache? Wears strange trousers? Really doesn’t like Jews? No silly! It’s not Hitler! Allegedly, it’s John Galliano! That means you’re a Nazi sympathiser if you like his clothes! Or something! Hurray for that, eh? Galliano, who looks like a horrific hybrid of a cat, Goldilocks, a French revolutionary and a simpleton, has reportedly [...]

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