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Eddie Murphy

All The Spice Girls Hate Victoria Beckham And Her Imminent Baby

by Mof Gimmers

When the Spice Girls first exploded onto the popscene, they dominated the charts by simply shouting more loudly than anyone else. The curious thing was, is that they never seemed to like each other. Ever. At the centre of the hate always seemed to be Geri Halliwell and Mel B, both vying for position as [...]

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Batman 3: The Riddler Is… Wait, Eddie Murphy? Really?

by Stuart Heritage

First the good news: it seems likely that the Batman 3 casting rumours can end now. Are you ready for the bad news?

The bad news is that Batman 3 director Christopher Nolan appears to have banged his head quite hard on a doorframe and is badly concussed. We’ve deduced this thanks to reports that Nolan has signed Eddie Murphy to play The Riddler in Batman 3. Eddie bloody Murphy.

But it’s not all bad, because it’s not as if he’s also signed Shia LaBeouf to play Robin in Batman 3 as well, is it? It is? Christopher Nolan, you great big sod, what have you done?

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Eddie Murphy Makes Beverly Hills Cop 4, Self-Loathing Possibly Responsible

by Stuart Heritage

Beverly Hills Cop 3 left all manner of questions unanswered – ranging from “A big wheel? Huh?” to “Deary piss, why hasn’t this film ended yet?”

So praise be that Eddie Murphy has finally decided to go and make the long-anticipated but massively unwanted Beverly Hills Cop 4. We haven’t been this excited by anything Eddie Murphy’s done since every single lunatic decision about his personal life that he’s made in the last decade.

However, it’s been 14 years since the last Beverly Hills Cop movie was released, so Beverly Hills Cop 4 will need to reflect where Eddie Murphy’s career has taken him in the meantime. In short, all the characters in Beverly Hills Cop 4 will be played by Eddie Murphy and they’ll all wear female fat suits and the whole thing will be set inside Eddie Murphy’s head andthere’ll be a talking raccoon in there somewhere as well. Oh, and it’ll be crap.

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Eddie Murphy Splits With Wife After Two Whole Weeks

by Stuart Heritage

By getting married to Tracey Edmonds on New Year’s Day, Eddie Murphy proved to the world that he was a responsible, mature adult and not the prize bell-end that everyone thought.

And now that the he’s proved that to the world, Eddie Murphy’s chucked her.

Yes, two whole weeks after getting married, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have split up. Eddie Murphy must be distraught – he didn’t even get the chance to knock Tracey up, let alone angrily deny that he had anything to do with the pregnancy.

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Eddie Murphy To Get Married Again, Just To Be Sure

by Stuart Heritage

Remember a couple of days ago when Eddie Murphy got married to his girlfriend Tracey Edmonds in French Polynesia? Yeah, didn’t happen.

Yes, we know it looked like it happened, and that everyone said it happened and there was a ceremony and everything, but it wasn’t a wedding. Apparently Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds were just performing a ‘spiritual binding’ that wouldn’t hold up in court if Eddie, say, knocked Tracey up, denied the baby was his and then dumped her on a European television programme, for example. However, Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds have announced that they do plan to have an official wedding ceremony just as soon as they return to America – which technically still leaves Eddie long enough to, say, do the knocking up/ denying/ dumping thing. If he wants to, that is.

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Eddie Murphy Marries Bizarrely Unpregnant Woman

by Stuart Heritage

If Eddie Murphy ever proposed to you, chances are you’d either think “Not with your wayward reputation,” or “Hang on, I’m a chap and we’ve never even met. How odd,” but not Tracey Edmonds.

Eddie Murphy married his girlfriend Tracey Edmonds yesterday on a private island in French Polynesia, simultaneously putting all his past relationship woes behind him. And isn’t getting married on New Year’s Day the perfect way to start a year? It’s like Eddie Murphy is looking Tracey Edmonds in the eye and telling her “This is how it’ll be for us all year, or at least until I get you pregnant, deny getting you pregnant, leave you for another woman, repeatedly dodge your requests for a DNA test until I’m ordered to take one by a court and then do the voice of a funny donkey for a tired cartoon sequel to pay off all my child support bills. So about three weeks, then.”

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