This weekend has been Baby Weekend, with a myriad of slebs all dropping sprogs. Matt Bellamy and Kate Hudson have had one, but no-one really cares about a Goldie Hawn’s daughter and a singer who looks like his whole face has been pinched in a vice every morning for the last two decades.
No, the big celebrity baby story of the weekend is David and Victoria Beckham’s little girl. She was cut out of the former Spice Girls’ stomach, to protect her tiny papercut of a front-bum from being stretched to snapping point, leaving her with one famous orifice.
And of course, they needed a name for this little bundle of potential let-down… and they’ve gone for Harper Seven.
It goes without saying that Harper Seven is just the latest in a long line of stupid names for a sleb offspring. Jason Lee’s stupid child is called Pilot Inspektor, Jermaine Jackson hilariously named his kid Jermajesty and Sly Stallone takes the biscuit with the impressively awful Sage Moonblood, which sounds like the sort of nonsense that Charlie Sheen might come up with. And we all know about Zappa’s kids but you get the impression he gave them daft names on purpose.
In a statement on his Facebook page, the footballing half of the duo said:
“I am so proud and excited to announce the birth of our daughter Harper Seven Beckham.
“She weighed a healthy 7lbs 10oz and arrived at 7.55 this morning, here in LA. Victoria is doing really well and her brothers are delighted to have a baby sister xx.”
So, that’s David and Victoria heading up a household which also stars Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz and Harper. Sounds like a collection of air fresheners. Bad air fresheners at that.
But why Harper Seven? Well, seven was David’s number when he played for Manchester United and England and… well… Harper… you imagine Victoria simply looked around and gawped at her vapid life and saw a copy of Harper’s Bizarre on the coffee table and *BING* a baby was christened.
Slightly better than calling it Take A Break we suppose.