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Cancer

Patrick Swayze Probably Not Going To Star In Point Break 2

by David Schwartz

Everyone is surprised at the announcement that Patrick Swayze is to star in the sequel to Point Break – not least the cancer-stricken actor himself.

W. Peter Illiff, who wrote the screenplay for the original 1991 surfing movie, has penned a second instalment, and insists Swayze will return as the bank-robbing surfer Bodhi. He also says Keanu Reeves will return to play the FBI agent sent to track him down. He told US Weekly:

“We always wanted Patrick to return. He’ll definitely be surfing.”

Surfing, you say. Now that’s some comeback for a star who was only recently given months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But Illif added:

“Things are going well, he’s fighting the good fight.”

Well, that’s all very well, and, after all, no one puts Swayze in the corner. But it certainly is news to Swayze himself, who revealed in a statement that, though he is responding well to treatment, rumours of a him taking part in Point Break 2 are slightly wide of the mark.

These pampered Hollywood stars!

Everyone is surprised at the announcement that Patrick Swayze is to star in the sequel to Point Break – not least the cancer-stricken actor himself. W. Peter Illiff, who wrote the screenplay for the original 1991 surfing movie, has penned a second instalment, and insists Swayze will return as the bank-robbing surfer Bodhi. He also says Keanu Reeves will return to play the FBI agent sent to track him down. He told US Weekly: "We always wanted Patrick to return. He'll definitely be surfing." Surfing, you say. Now that's some comeback for a star who was only recently given months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. But Illif added: "Things are going well, he's fighting the good fight." Well, that's all very well, and, after all, no one puts Swayze in the corner. But it certainly is news to Swayze himself, who revealed in a statement that, though he is responding well to treatment, rumours of a him taking part in Point Break 2 are slightly wide of the mark. These pampered Hollywood stars!
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Sex And The City: The Ginger Lesbian Had Cancer Once

by Stuart Heritage

We have to say, whichever evil genius has masterminded the Sex And The City movie’s promotional campaign deserves a knighthood and some sort of delicious medal.

Why? Rather than wanting to spend money on all kinds of stupid trailers and posters and crap, they’ve just sent the Sex And The City stars out to depress all of us with harrowing personal anecdotes until our resolve has been weakened to the extent that we’d actually consider watching the Sex And The City movie, that’s why.

In this edition: Cynthia Nixon, the ginger one from Sex And The City who’s really a lesbian, had breast cancer 18 months ago. Let’s go!

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Cancerous Skin Is Relieved To Be Anderson Cooper-Free

by hecklerspray staff

If you are a regular reader of the powerful-to-the-45th-degree hecklerspray, you know you can confidently boast to your friends, family, and strange children to whom you offer candy, that you are an expert on crucial current events.

No need to bother with giant news conglomerates reporting on AIDS-ravished nations, terrorism, genocide, and so forth. Obviously, we all agree that it’s more important to know about festering disease growing on the skin famous persons, like the cancerous patch of skin recently removed from the face of CNN’s Anderson Cooper.

We are happy to report that preliminary reports suggest both Cooper and cancer are doing fine and resting peacefully. We hear that Will Smith and his wife Jada have already been to visit the cancerous patch and say it looks just like its father.

If you are a regular reader of the powerful-to-the-45th-degree hecklerspray, you know you can confidently boast to your friends, family, and strange children to whom you offer candy, that you are an expert on crucial current events. No need to bother with giant news conglomerates reporting on AIDS-ravished nations, terrorism, genocide, and so forth. Obviously, we all agree that it’s more important to know about festering disease growing on the skin famous persons, like the cancerous patch of skin recently removed from the face of CNN’s Anderson Cooper. We are happy to report that preliminary reports suggest both Cooper and cancer are doing fine and resting peacefully. We hear that Will Smith and his wife Jada have already been to visit the cancerous patch and say it looks just like its father.
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Patrick Swayze Not Scared Of His Cancer

by Stuart Heritage

Patrick Swayze doesn’t just have to deal with his pancreatic cancer these days – he’s also got to put up with everyone talking like he’s already dead.

That’d be hard enough for anyone to handle, but not Patrick Swayze. According to those around him, Patrick Swayze is coping bravely with his illness, and is ‘determined and enthusiastic’ about everything in his path.

What’s more, Patrick Swayze’s brother says he still has all his hair. So at least that’s something he’s got on, say, John Travolta. Allegedly.

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Whoopi Goldberg Thanks Patrick Swayze For Oscar Win

by Stuart Heritage

This is just a hunch, but we think Whoopi Goldberg might be having a competition with herself to find the most inappropriate time to mention her Oscar win.

Up until now Whoopi hadn’t been doing so well, only talking about winning an Oscar on the day after the Oscars. But that was before Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

You see, Whoopi Goldberg and Patrick Swayze starred together in Ghost, the movie that Whoopi Goldberg won her Oscar for. And yesterday on The View, Whoopi paid tribute to Patrick Swayze by claiming that she wouldn’t have won her Oscar if it wasn’t for him. Which we’re sure will brighten Patrick’s day immeasurably, unless he happens to have something more important on his mind at the moment.

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Patrick Swayze Cancer Reports Depressingly Accurate

by Stuart Heritage

Yesterday’s news that Patrick Swayze is dying of terminal pancreatic cancer was so unexpected that many people believed it to be made up.

Sadly that’s not the case at all. Patrick Swayze’s publicist has confirmed that the actor has been diagnosed with the disease and is undergoing treatment for it.

However, the publicist added that the ‘five weeks to live’ angle of the stories were wide of the mark. Apparently Patrick Swayze only has a limited amount of cancer growing inside him and is responding well to the treatment, it has been said.

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Reports: Patrick Swayze Has Five Weeks To Live

by Stuart Heritage

Rumours have started to appear that Dirty Dancing star Patrick Swayze has terminal cancer and has been given five weeks to live.

A National Enquirer report claims that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January and that it has now spread to other organs. Despite regular chemotherapy sessions, doctors aren’t apparently confident of treating the cancer successfully.

According the National Enquirer:

Patrick and his wife Lisa Niemi — who both have pilot’s licenses — have been flying their private Beechcraft plane into Palo Alto’s airport, minutes away from the Stanford Cancer Center, where the actor has received outpatient treatment. He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for — and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end. “He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short – they held out little hope for a cure,” said an insider.

If this report is true – and it seems a little too specific for it not to be, then Patrick Swayze is now on a liquid-only diet because he can no longer keep solid food down. Horrible news.

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Patrick Swayze diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; has five weeks to live – Showbiz Spy

Rumours have started to appear that Dirty Dancing star Patrick Swayze has terminal cancer and has been given five weeks to live. A National Enquirer report claims that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January and that it has now spread to other organs. Despite regular chemotherapy sessions, doctors aren't apparently confident of treating the cancer successfully. According the National Enquirer: Patrick and his wife Lisa Niemi — who both have pilot's licenses — have been flying their private Beechcraft plane into Palo Alto's airport, minutes away from the Stanford Cancer Center, where the actor has received outpatient treatment. He received three doses of chemotherapy and the tumor shrank, but less than his doctors had hoped for — and Patrick was told he should prepare for the end. "He was told he could have two more treatments, but his cancer was not responding. In short - they held out little hope for a cure," said an insider. If this report is true - and it seems a little too specific for it not to be, then Patrick Swayze is now on a liquid-only diet because he can no longer keep solid food down. Horrible news. Read more: Patrick Swayze diagnosed with pancreatic cancer; has five weeks to live - Showbiz Spy
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