Last night The Hurt Locker swept the board at the BAFTAs, winning six awards. But screw all that.

Because we were there too. As is becoming gloriously traditional, hecklerspray was invited to cover the BAFTAs red carpet. And, as is becoming equally traditional, we were abysmal. While we may have seen the likes of James Cameron and Prince William and Robert Pattinson from a distance, our freakish proximity to George Lamb from BBC Three meant that most of these people sensibly kept as far away from us as possible.

What follows is a video diary of the night. It’s intended to be a first-hand account of A-list BAFTAs glamour. You, on the other hand, might see it as the painful unravelling of one man’s mind as he slowly realises that he’s desperately in love with George Lamb from Young Butcher Of The Year. Please enjoy, and promise not to judge us too harshly…

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If you believe that the BAFTAs act as a bellweather for the Oscars, then Slumdog Millionaire will win all the Oscars.

Also, the Oscars are going to be really bloody drizzly. Because that happened at the BAFTAs too. But anyway, Slumdog Millionaire was the big winner at last night’s BAFTA awards, scooping Best Film, Best Director, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Editing and Best Adapted Screenplay. Why? Because it’s principally British? No. Well, yes. A bit.

But Slumdog Millionaire wasn’t the only thing to leave the BAFTAs with anything. We left with the onset of trenchfoot. Eat that, Dev Patel.

The BAFTAs are the shining light at the centre of the British filmmaking calendar, where the great and the good decide that they’re probably happier to stay in Hollywood and have a night off, then the good and the mediocre plan to go but get put off by all the rain and we’re left with Christian Slater and celebrity hairdresser Nicky Clarke and an auditorium that smells vaguely of wet dog.

But the BAFTAs aren’t just the badly-dentured Oscars any more – now they’re an exciting precursor to the Oscars. You see, the BAFTAs inform the Oscars, just in the same way that the 4,000 other award shows which happen in the first six weeks of the year inform the Oscars.

And, if the BAFTAs have any sway whatsoever, it might be a good year for Slumdog Millionaire. It’s a movie that’s already beaten the odds – originally destined to be a direct-to-DVD release, Slumdog Millionaire is at once both the most depressing feelgood movie you’re ever likely to see and the most celebrated movie to ever fall apart and stop being any good about two-thirds in.

Not that any of that stopped Slumdog Millionaire from winning everything at the BAFTAs, though, as the Hollywood Reporter, um, reports:

Danny Boyle’s “Slumdog Millionaire” dominated this year’s Orange British Academy Film Awards, scooping seven awards including best film, director, cinematography and adapted screenplay for writer Simon Beaufoy. “I’ve had a complex relationship with this statue,” Beaufoy said, “I have a plastic one that I bought from eBay, a chocolate one that I stole from the dinner one year and now, well …”

Elsewhere at the BAFTAs, Kate Winslet‘s Best Actress award for The Reader gave her another chance ahead of the Oscars to not instantly start blubbering like an idiot the moment that anybody says her name out loud, Noel Clarke won the BAFTA Orange Rising Star Award and Abi Titmuss turned up, even though nobody really knew why.

Chances are you’ve already seen our searing expose of the BAFTA red carpet, but if you actually want to see what some of the celebrities who turned up look like when they’re not studiously avoiding a swearing idiot, then you’ll be able to find some decent BAFTA interviews here. Warning – in them, Fearne Cotton appears to be wearing Brian Blessed to keep warm.

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Because none of you have anything better to do than spend your weekend afternoons staring at a computer and intermittently hitting the refresh button, may we remind you that hecklerspray will be live-blogging the BAFTAs red carpet from the BAFTAs red carpet on Sunday.

It should be fun. Alternatively it could be cold and miserable and full of bastards and utterly destroy our faith in humanity forever. In which case you’re going to hear all about it.

So be sure to come back here between 4:30 and 6:30 on Sunday for all the action.

Incidentally, thanks for all the question suggestions yesterday. You are all deeply disturbed and we shall be using as many of them as we can before we get arrested.

As we mentioned yesterday, we’re going to be Twittering the BAFTAs red carpet on Sunday, live from the BAFTAs red carpet direct to hecklerspray via phone.

And that means two things – firstly, you need to be here between 3pm and 6pm for a succession of 140-character updates on who’s wearing what, who’s given us the stink-eye and, most likely, how unbelievably cold we are.

And secondly, we want you to tell us what questions we should ask the stars. How much of a tit does Kate Winslet plan to make of herself this time? How many dog testicles can Mickey Rourke fit into his mouth at a time? That sort of thing. If they’re good enough – and we don’t completely brick it beforehand – we’ll ask as many of them as we can.

OK, now go crazy.

This Sunday the 2009 BAFTAs are taking place in London. And we’re going to be there. For you.

That’s right – unless something terrible happens in the interim, we’ll be spending Sunday afternoon pressed against a metal railing in the cold shouting at millionaires until they talk to us. And, thanks to the wonders of modern technology, you can be there too.

We’ll be Twittering the nuts off the BAFTAs red carpet experience as it happens, and you’ll be able to follow it live. Come here between 3pm and 6pm on Sunday afternoon for the liveblog, and throughout the day on Monday for reports and pictures and videos and whatever other nonsense we manage to get our hands on.

Will you join us? You’d be making an old, potentially terminally-frostbitten blogger very happy if you do.

With the Golden Globes cancelled and the Oscars and Grammys looking likely to go the same way, what are the biggest awards around?

That's right, the BAFTAs. And because the BAFTAs are British, it's only right that it should focus on British films. And because the only British film made in the last year was Atonement, it stands to reason that Atonement should get so many BAFTA nominations that we actually feel a little bit embarrassed for it.

Even though it's sodding Atonement, for sod's sake.

The Golden Globes were a washout this year. A bit fat stink of a washout that we feel cheapened to even think about. Not because nobody famous turned up and it was over in half an hour, though – that bit was actually quite nice – but because Atonement won Best Drama. Best Drama. Not Best Drama About A Bunch of Uptight La-Di-Da Tarquins Mimbling To Each Other And Saying "Terribly" A Lot. Best Drama.

And that was even before the BAFTA nominations got involved. This year, the BAFTAs will be one of the most high-profile award shows around thanks to the Golden Globes going down the toilet and the Oscars looking mortally wounded. And, because there isn't any writers' strike over here, there'll be no picket line to cross, meaning that a bigger haul of stars than ever before will shimmy along the red carpet to watch Jonathan Ross earn nine billion pounds a second as the host, or whatever his going rate is these days.

But they needn't bother showing up, because Atonement's going to win everything anyway. All in all, Atonement has picked up BAFTA nominations for Best Film, Best British Film, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, Best Music, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Production Design, Best Costume Design, Best Sound and Best Make-Up. If only the BAFTAs hadn't omitted the Best Generic Period Keira Knightley Role Played By Keira Knightley In A Film That Only English Teachers Like And Even Then They're Probably Pretending category then Atonement would have got the quintuple hat-trick.

Of course, Atonement isn't the only film to be nominated for a BAFTA – it just feels like it. Also up for trophies are the films that everyone else has said they like, like No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Michael Clayton, American Gangster, and The Bourne Ultimatum, which for some reason is in the running for Best British Film, possibly because about two minutes of it are set in Waterloo station.

You'll be able to see who wins the BAFTAs when the awards are handed out on… oh, who cares. You'd probably prefer to jam an electric meat carver under you kneecap than that the BAFTAs. 

Read more:

Atonement Leads BAFTA Noms – Hollywood Reporter