I love awards season, because aside from the fact I obviously love movies and tv and music and celebrities, I like to see fancy bitches be fancy in clothes I could never possibly afford. I expected a lot from the BAFTAs this weekend because British hoes are supposed to be super fashionable, but I was sadly left with a major case of the “Mehs”.
The fact that it isn’t 1999 and Angelina Jolie was the biggest risk taker on the red carpet says A LOT, because that bitch hasn’t pulled a genuine fashion risk in years, and her fashion choice this year wasn’t even that risky, but I guess that’s kind of my point.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie showed up in matching tuxes and, frankly, I think they nailed it. Brad’s slicked back hair and Angie’s untied bow tie really worked for me, but I think it’s pretty sad that a woman dressed like Frank Sinatra after a few drinks was one of the best dressed of the night for me. Maybe it’s because I’m partial to a woman in a suit, or maybe it’s because everyone else either bored me to death or gave me a case of the WTFs.
Lupita Nyong’o showed up in this number and I think she looked really nice. The color was extremely flattering on her (though, I’m pretty sure all colors are extremely flattering on her) and I definitely tie her with Angelina for best dressed, but, let’s be real, this dress isn’t all that great. It’s pretty boring, a little prom-dressy, and if it weren’t for the color it would be boring as hell.
Amy Adams wore this black number. Did it flatter her figure? Sure. Is it a nice dress? Yeah. But again, it is boring as all hell and after I’m done writing this I will never remember this dress again.
From boring to WTF? I usually think Helen Mirren looks amazing in anything and everything, but this dress was fucking hideous and did nothing for her bangin’ figure. What is going on with this dress?! Too much, that’s what!
The biggest disappointment for me, though, was Cate Blanchett. Cate Blanchett has worn some insanely beautiful and memorable outfits to awards shows in the past, but this was the most matronly and boring ass dress I’ve ever seen. Did she think those flowers on it would make it less plain? Did she think looking plain as fuck and not standing out would take the heat off the fact she was nominated for a Woody Allen movie (because people care about that this year)? And what’s with that huge mess of a necklace? Did her kid make it, because that’s the only way I’d accept that shit.
All in all, the BAFTAs this year were unmemorable across the board. So much so that I’ve kind of forgot what I’m writing about already…