Australia is famous for two things – its huge unspoilt coastline and its army of frizzy-haired, shorts-wearing female customs officers who enjoy ransacking all of your luggage on the off-chance that you've got a poxy apple hidden in there somewhere.
Sylvester Stallone knows about the latter only too well – as he touched down in Australia to attend the premiere of Rocky Balboa recently, Sylvester Stallone fell prey to Australia's strict customs regulations and was detained for hours while items of his luggage were confiscated. Furious, Sylvester Stallone has announced Rocky VII, where Sylvester Stallone will punch down the Sydney Harbour bridge, knock out a kangaroo and throw Steve Irwin's coffin through Harold Bishop's window before running away.
As far as comebacks go, Sylvester Stallone's is up there with the best of them. A year ago he was a washed-up action star with a range of puddings to his name. Fast forward a few months, though, and Sylvester Stallone has won back the hearts of the world by starring in the improbable success that was Rocky Balboa. Now the world is Sylvester Stallone's oyster – he's making another Rambo film and everyone from Tom Jones to John Travolta wants to go to his disco birthday parties.
Oh, and when we said the world is Sylvester Stallone's oyster, we meant most of it. Australia isn't being very oystery – when Sylvester Stallone set foot at Sydney airport recently he was treated to a two-hour customs interrogation, as The Sunday Mirror reports:
The 60-year-old Rocky Balboa actor was held up after routine checks revealed "prohibited items" in his entourage's suitcases. The star had flown in from Los Angeles on Friday night for the Australian premiere of his latest Rocky instalment. Customs refused to confirm what was seized. Last night, Stallone laughed off the incident. "That was just a misunderstanding," he said. "Customs is doing a great job."
So we'll never know what prohibited items were in Sylvester Stallone's luggage. It's unlikely that Sylvester Stallone would be walking free if they were serious items like guns or drugs, so chances are Stallone had just unwitting packed something that contravened Australia's ridiculously tight customs policy – maybe a twig or a crayon drawing of a budgie.
But lessons can be learnt here – and the next time Sylvester Stallone visits Australia hopefully he'll remember to pack his prohibited items either into toothpaste tubes or up his own arse like everyone else.
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Hiro says
Copies of Rocky 5. They throw them in the sea there. Weighted down with wombats