It’s weird when old people get divorced, isn’t it? You’re both going to be dead soon, so what’s the point?

Which brings us to Aerosmith. Despite having a combined age of the highest number you can possibly think of, Aerosmith have just decided to split up. Actually, no, that isn’t strictly true – Steven Tyler has decided to leave Aerosmith to concentrate on something called ‘Brand Tyler’, something that – if Steven Tyler’s appearance in the movie Be Cool is anything to go by – will be the very worst thing ever created by a human being in all of history.

As for Aerosmith? They might carry on without him. Idiots.

This isn’t an admission we’re particularly proud of, but we own Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. We know, OK? We know. We just quite like Guitar Hero and it’s got Complete Control by The Clash on it and it’s fun to play Livin’ On The Edge because it’s the stupidest song ever written. Please accept our apologies. But here’s the thing – we bought Guitar Hero: Aerosmith and then Aerosmith split up. On that basis, maybe we should invest in Guitar Hero: Metallica too. You never know.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves – Aerosmith is no more. Or at least Aerosmith in its current incarnation is no more. We’ll let Digital Spy do the explaining:

[Joe] Perry said: “Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don’t know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don’t know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don’t know.” Tyler, 61, said that he was going to move ahead with a solo career, concentrating on ‘Brand Tyler’.

This is bound to be a shock for both Aerosmith and the eight remaining Aerosmith fans who haven’t lost all of their cognitive function to the ravages of old age yet. But, that said, we can see why Steven Tyler has decided to leave Aerosmith. As far as we’re concerned, there are two clear reasons:

1 - Aerosmith has been cruel to Steven Tyler in recent years. Thanks to Aerosmith, Tyler has caught hepatitis, been to rehab, knackered his throat and fallen off a stage like some sort of ridiculous pensionable transvestite with woefully unsatisfactory motor skills. The man clearly needs a rest.

2 - Aerosmith are crap.

Now we’ll just have to see what happens next. There are already rumours that Aerosmith will simply replace Steven Tyler and move on without him. But that won’t really be Aerosmith, will it? Sure, it might sound like Sweet Emotion when the new line-up plays it, but if it’s not being wailed out by an old man who looks like a Janice Dickinson mannequin that’s been stitched together out of animal scrotums and dances like a monkey being anally molested with a pine cone, then it’s not going to fool anyone.

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