It’s weird when old people get divorced, isn’t it? You’re both going to be dead soon, so what’s the point?
Which brings us to Aerosmith. Despite having a combined age of the highest number you can possibly think of, Aerosmith have just decided to split up. Actually, no, that isn’t strictly true – Steven Tyler has decided to leave Aerosmith to concentrate on something called ‘Brand Tyler’, something that – if Steven Tyler’s appearance in the movie Be Cool is anything to go by – will be the very worst thing ever created by a human being in all of history.
As for Aerosmith? They might carry on without him. Idiots.
This isn’t an admission we’re particularly proud of, but we own Guitar Hero: Aerosmith. We know, OK? We know. We just quite like Guitar Hero and it’s got Complete Control by The Clash on it and it’s fun to play Livin’ On The Edge because it’s the stupidest song ever written. Please accept our apologies. But here’s the thing – we bought Guitar Hero: Aerosmith and then Aerosmith split up. On that basis, maybe we should invest in Guitar Hero: Metallica too. You never know.
But we’re getting ahead of ourselves – Aerosmith is no more. Or at least Aerosmith in its current incarnation is no more. We’ll let Digital Spy do the explaining:
[Joe] Perry said: “Steven quit as far as I can tell. I don’t know any more than you do about it. I got off the plane two nights ago. I saw online that Steven said that he was going to leave the band. I don’t know for how long, indefinitely or whatever. Other than that, I don’t know.” Tyler, 61, said that he was going to move ahead with a solo career, concentrating on ‘Brand Tyler’.
This is bound to be a shock for both Aerosmith and the eight remaining Aerosmith fans who haven’t lost all of their cognitive function to the ravages of old age yet. But, that said, we can see why Steven Tyler has decided to leave Aerosmith. As far as we’re concerned, there are two clear reasons:
1 – Aerosmith has been cruel to Steven Tyler in recent years. Thanks to Aerosmith, Tyler has caught hepatitis, been to rehab, knackered his throat and fallen off a stage like some sort of ridiculous pensionable transvestite with woefully unsatisfactory motor skills. The man clearly needs a rest.
2 – Aerosmith are crap.
Now we’ll just have to see what happens next. There are already rumours that Aerosmith will simply replace Steven Tyler and move on without him. But that won’t really be Aerosmith, will it? Sure, it might sound like Sweet Emotion when the new line-up plays it, but if it’s not being wailed out by an old man who looks like a Janice Dickinson mannequin that’s been stitched together out of animal scrotums and dances like a monkey being anally molested with a pine cone, then it’s not going to fool anyone.
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Robyn says
I can’t wait for the solo album!
No, sorry. Got confused. I *can* wait for the solo album.
I bet he guests on X-Factor 2010.
JoeMomma says
Odd, I thought Aerosmith was all about Steven Tylor. I mean didn’t he write and sing every crappy song. Except for the one good song “Dream On” by one of the other dudes in the band?
yessir says
Aerosmith is amazing you guys have no idea what you are talking about.
Chris Anderson says
You have no idea what you are talking about; Complete ignorant about rock n roll …
hoohaahee says
“like some sort of ridiculous pensionable transvestite with woefully unsatisfactory motor skills”
Hecklerspray: I applaud everything you’ve ever done (or will do) for that one line.
Scott Macdonald says
Your masthead states ‘Gossip for Grown-Ups’, but the articles I have rerad are childish and immature. If you can’t say what you want to say, without using childish humour to make it interesting, then say nothing. Bands like Aerosmith, AC/DC and The Stones may look a bit ridiculous rocking into old age, but that is no reason to discount all they have given us over the years, in fact, if that is what makes them happy, let them keep on rockin’, they deserve it.
wanda says
I think what is being said about steven tyler bad is cruel.The ones saying the bad things have obviusly never been addicted to painkillers.I’ts a sickness itself that GOD KNOWS IS A LIVING HELL TO HAVE.If steven is addicted to painkillers,he needs time to get off them,God bless his soul,if he can.I love you steven and I a addict myself, pray for you.I have to take them for an illness I have,so I can’t do without them,but I also hate the fact that I’ve got to have them.So Steven,if you ever do get to read this,I love you and your voice and there will never be another voice like your’s.So there will never be another Aerosmith,without you.
MATT says
Okay obviously the ppl commenting and the jackass who wrote the article are either children or just completely retarded…….Aerosmith is one of the greatest rock bands of our time and Steven Tylers sound is amazing (Aerosmith would have never made it without him). They have had amazing success and many top songs and not just “dream on” over many many years…….and Steven Tyler still sounds great in his later years. Put down the little guitar games children