Weird. Looks like Steven Tyler – who recently left Aerosmith, rejoined Aerosmith and got fired by Aerosmith – is on drugs.
We didn’t see that coming at all. Steven Tyler doesn’t have a history of drug use, and it’s not like his recent behaviour has been legitimately potty or anything. But despite this, Tyler has decided to go to rehab to wean himself off the painkillers that he’s been addicted to for a decade.
Now, obviously, it’s important to state that the painkiller addiction may have nothing to do with Steven Tyler’s erratic behaviour lately. At this stage, in the interest of fairness, we have to assume that Steven Tyler is always this much of a clueless prick.
Oh Steven Tyler, you had to go and spoil it, didn’t you? Just last month everyone was happy – you decided to leave Aerosmith to concentrate on ‘Brand Tyler’ and Aerosmith vowed to carry on without you. It was the perfect scenario – based on your cameo in Be Cool, Brand Tyler would have died a sorry death, the other members of Aerosmith would have quickly faded into obscurity and, best of all, there wouldn’t have been an Aerosmith any more.
But you had to go and ruin that, didn’t you Steven Tyler? You had to realise that you were addicted to painkillers and that addiction was jeopardising the future of the band, didn’t you Steven Tyler? You had to go and check into rehab in an effort to repair the broken bond with your friends and improve your general level of health, didn’t you Steven Tyler? You make us sick, you inconsiderate bastard.
Here’s what Tyler told People:
“With the help of my family and team of medical professionals, I am taking responsibility for the management of my pain and am eager to be back on the stage and in the recording studio with my bandmates Joe Perry, Joey Kramer, Tom Hamilton and Brad Whitford. I love Aerosmith; I love performing as the lead singer in Aerosmith. I am grateful for all of the support and love I am receiving and am committed to getting things taken care of.”
Now, let’s be fair for a moment. It makes sense for Steven Tyler to be addicted to painkillers, given that he can barely go five minutes without toppling over like a boozed-up transvestite monkey. Not is this news particularly shocking, since Steven Tyler has been to rehab more times than a truckload of Lohans in the past.
So, you know what? It’s Christmas. Steven Tyler deserves our support here. If we all get behind him and aid his efforts to rid himself of his crippling addiction, maybe he’ll be able to find total peace within himself. Or at least enough peace to realise that Aerosmith are toilet. That’d be more than enough.
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JoeMomma says
That sucks, we can expect more generic-geriatric rock. Curious though are “painkillers” code for Heroin/Cocaine?
gilbert wham says
They are round my house.