The best thing about Sienna Miller is that she really doesn't have a bloody clue.
If you've seen Sienna Miller in action for even a couple of seconds, you'll realise that she's such an unashamed publicity-whore that she'd hump a goat on a waterslide if it resulted in any amount of newspaper coverage. But despite being this colossal attention-hoover, Sienna Miller actually hates it when people take her photo, and is happy to go to court to tell everyone about.
Sienna Miller was in court yesterday blathering on about how the paparazzi 'hunts' her, to help an upper-class tosswipe friend who was facing a paparazzi-related criminal damage charge. And to back up her attack, Sienna Miller has vowed never to be in another newspaper agai… oh, sorry – we got real life confused with wishful thinking for a second there.
Different celebrities have different ways of dealing with the paparazzi. Some get violent, some get litigious and some have gigantic emotional and physical breakdowns right in front of them to make them feel guilty. Sienna Miller, though, has different plans.
Because, make no mistake, Sienna Miller is a paparazzi target. That's not because of her skills as a talented actress, mind you, but because she possibly broke up Sean Penn's marriage and maybe did it with Diddy seconds after his girlfriend gave birth to twins, and because you can't open a newspaper these days without seeing a picture of Sienna Miller sucking her cheeks in and bobbing up and down a red carpet like a well-groomed approval-craving pony.
And because, you know, the only way that Sienna Miller can get people to talk about her films is if she has a load of semi-convincing naked sex in them.
Anyway, although Sienna Miller would obviously lick a tramp's forehead if she thought someone would take a picture of it, in reality she hates having her picture taken, especially when she's leaving a nightclub and the paparazzi is following her around. And Sienna Miller has been to court to inform everyone about this.
You see, Sienna Miller is friends with obnoxious upper-class twerp Otis Ferry, and he was in court for hiding a photographer's car-keys after last year's Baftas. So, naturally, Sienna Miller popped along to defend Otis by saying what a nasty bunch of yobs the paparazzi were to her when she left a nightclub with Otis on the same night. According to The Telegraph:
Miller told the court: "We were all quite shocked at the way they were driving. The reason they were being that reckless is that they wanted to find out where I lived, which makes you feel quite hunted as a woman." Miller said she, her friend Brad, Ferry and his brother Isaac, left Boujis at about 4.30am and were confronted by "aggressive" paparazzi. Describing her fear as she ran to her car, Miller said: "In any situation if you are a woman and you are running and there are men chasing you, it's a threatening situation."
Otis Ferry was eventually cleared of criminal damage, and then called for a new law banning the paparazzi from taking photos of famous people. Which we'd actually be OK with, because there's a pretty good chance that Sienna Miller's career would wither up if that ever happened. And anything that stops Factory Girl 2: My, What A Sexy Ghost! from being made is a-OK with us.
Alternatively, if the paparazzi is really such a life-threatening menace to Sienna Miller, she could always try a different, lower-profile job. Like being a recruitment consultant. Sienna certainly seems self-centred and pushy enough for that.
Or – and this is the solution we're going to plump for – since Otis Ferry loves hunting so much, and Sienna Miller constantly feels hunted, why doesn't Otis hunt Sienna? Literally hunt her, with dogs and horses and guns. In a minefield. On the moon. We'd like that.
Read more: