Now, being married to Sean Penn must be crap at the best of times – it'd be like living with an intense, chainsmoking tramp who won't stop ranting away in the background about the war from morning until night.
But imagine if you're married to Sean Penn and all of a sudden Sienna Miller starts openly flirting with him. Would you smash Sienna's pointless little face in? Would you just be thankful that he'd stopped the war-ranting for a handful of joyous seconds? Or would you just divorce Sean Penn?
Sean Penn's wife did the last one, apparently. Lazy bitch – she could have at least tried the first one while she was at it.
Sienna Miller might not have ever been able to make a film that didn't make us want to squeeze our fists up our nostrils and rabbit-punch our brain to death, but that isn't to say that she doesn't have any other special talents. For example, it looks an awful lot like Sienna Miller can plough through famous cock like a combine harvester operated by a grinning toddler jacked up on Red Bull.
In the last couple of years Sienna Miller has been linked to Jude Law and Darth Vader and Leonardo DiCaprio and the dirty-looking man from Notting Hill and Diddy and, of course, her own reflection. But now the well is running dry for Sienna and she's had to get it where she can. And, if reports are to be believed, that means Sean Penn. Even though he looks like an embittered, penniless Mr Punch doll who'd rather stab himself through the heart than ever crack a smile at anything.
Sean Penn split up with his wife of 20 years recently and nobody knows why – aside from the fact that, you know, he's Sean Penn and he probably never did the dishes because he was too busy trying to do an impression of a disabled man for a film after reading a report about how you always win an Oscar if you play a disabled man – until now. Possibly.
Whatever you do, try not to visualise this – we'd hate for you to sue us because you vomited so hard that your eyes popped out – but reports are suggesting that Sienna Miller was the third party in the Sean Penn divorce. According to The New York Daily News:
A source recalls a party in a suite at a New York hotel where they both were staying. "Sienna was sitting on Sean's lap," according the source. "She was dressed very sexily. She had her arm around his neck." That night, claims the source, they stayed up quite late. One Penn friend maintains there was never anything romantic between them. "Sienna is like that with everyone," says the friend. "She's very physical. She drapes herself over people she likes. She doesn't mean a lot by it."
Sienna Miller's slave also denies an affair, calling the rumours "outrageously untrue." So why, then, would she even go near Sean Penn? Well, it might have something to do with the fact that Sean Penn is a big name in Hollywood and a successful actor and director to boot, while Sienna Miller looks like the sort of person who'd burn down an orphanage if it got her one extra close-up in a movie.
Maybe this can all be explained away as a case of Sienna trying to use her feminine wiles to get a part in Sean's next film. Which we'd be totally cool with, actually. So long as it was a sequel to Into The Wild that ended with Sienna freezing to death in an arctic wasteland.