We all know what happened to Shia LaBeouf this weekend – he got in his car drunk, drove it around all like “I’m the kid from Transformers! Wooo!” and then flipped it upside down.
Or did he? Detectives working on the case have revealed that Shia only crashed because the car he ploughed into had just run a red light. That means, according to the detectives, that Shia LaBeouf was not at fault for the crash at all. So what happened?
Well, using our powerful skills of deduction we’ve worked out that, although he isn’t at fault, Shia LaBeouf still may or may not have been drunk while he was driving the car before the crash. However, we can determine for certain that a) Shia LaBeouf is the kid from Transformers and b) Wooo.
If there’s one thing the world likes more than seeing a rising star fall, it’s seeing a rising star get smashed on booze and flip his pickup truck over, especially when it’s a rising star with as much creepy self-confidence as Shia LaBeouf.
Which is why the world had a little spring in its step on Monday after it realised that Shia LaBeouf had done exactly that. According to reports, Shia LaBeouf was driving through West Hollywood in the early hours of Sunday when he performed what’s known in the business as ‘a Haley Joel Osment‘ and flipped his car over in the middle of the street because he was drunk.
Thanks to the crash, and the badly-timed publication of an interview where Shia LaBeouf describes why he can’t drink in moderation, Shia LaBeouf has gone from being the new Tom Hanks to the new Lindsay Lohan in the blink of an eye, albeit a Lindsay Lohan with a severely Beadled-up hand.
But maybe everything wasn’t as it seemed. Although eyewitnesses saw Shia LaBeouf downing shots of whiskey on Santa Monica Boulevard right before the crash, and the arresting officers say that Shia was displaying outward signs of intoxication, it turns out that the crash wasn’t Shia LaBeouf’s fault at all. Reuters reports:
“LaBoeuf has been determined at this stage not to have caused the accident,” said Steve Whitmore, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. Whitmore said the other driver failed to stop for a red light and slammed into the truck LaBeouf was driving.
So hooray! Shia LaBeouf is a responsible driver after all! Our adorable puppy-faced hero is still our adorable puppy-faced hero! Apart from the whole thing about him being shitfaced on booze! Which we’re not too sure that we understand actually!
In fact, nobody even knows if Shia LaBeouf was drunk or not any more. That’s for the toxicology tests to determine. But when those toxicology tests do come back, we’ll be able to close this case once and for all and go back to writing about more important stuff, like Keira Knightley‘s tits or whatever.
alene says
haha, the little douche bag deserved it!
Jenn says
thats hardly fair is it. okay i dont agree with the drinking and driving, but dont you think he got enough punishment. and pain through his hand. i love the way you can slate him but i bet you wudnt call your friend that if they did what he did. hes lernt his lesson; if you dont like him that much stop talking about him and giving him more publicity.