If Indiana Jones is ever standing on a beach with a Nazi warplane barrelling towards him, and the only tools he has are an umbrella and hundreds of sea gulls, he is totally effed.
Because Hitler and precious artifacts be damned, Sean Connery is officially not going to be in the next Indiana Jones film. With that announcement, the world is no doubt wondering "If not Connery, then who will play Ford's love interest?" And oh sweet children, we only wish we could tell you.
For the record, it's complete speculation on our part that the new film was going to revolve around a homosexual incestuous plotline, so take it for what it's worth. Also be advised that in 2002 we speculated that the Counting Crows guy would become fat as a beach ball – and do you know where he is now? Getting tossed over a volleyball-net somewhere in Miami-Dade county. We're good is what we're saying.
Again, take it for what it's worth.
Sexy senior Sean Connery must have had an absolutely miserable time filming Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, because now not all the hounds of hell could make him repeat the experience. Although he'd kind of sorta maybe committed to it before, he's definitely out now – because he's too busy playing board games down at the senior centre. Here's a quote:
"I get asked the question so often, I thought it best to make an announcement. I thought long and hard about it and if anything could have pulled me out of retirement it would have been an Indiana Jones film. I love working with Steven and George, and it goes without saying that it is an honour to have Harrison as my son. But in the end, retirement is just too damned much fun."
Despite Connery's Indy refusal, there are other rumours he could end up as James Bond's father in an upcoming film – rumours started by Connery himself:
"If the part was well written, I could come back as Bond’s father but it would cost them. It would definitely cost them.”
But the part would have to be well written. Well written as, say, The League of Extraordinary Gentleman? Wasn't he Huck Finn in that or something? Yeah – write this, Connery!
For those of you afraid the Connery-loss will be detrimental to the Indy script – don't fret. Lucas, without missing a beat, has already replaced him with Hayden Christensen.
That's who we were gonna say anyway.
Read More:
Connery Not Keeping Up With The Joneses – E! Online
