Sean Connery would be rubbish on Grumpy Old Men – but stick him in a show called Compulsively Aggressive Old Men Full Of Blind Hatred For Humanity and you’re away.
Or at least that’s the theory. Having allegedly made enemies of his friends, neighbours and everyone who’s ever seen Zardoz from start to finish, Sean Connery has now apparently turned on his son Jason.
According to a book written by his ex-wife Diane Cilento, Sean Connery’s tricks have included removing Jason from his will and threatening to kill him during an argument about his name.
Apparently, it was all an effort to get Jason to stand on his own two feet, and it worked – without Sean’s help Jason would have never founded the My Dad’s A Miserly Bald Sod Who Inexplicably Wants Me Dead support group. Thanks Sean!
Sean Connery has had a life so completely different to ours that it’s hard to get a handle on the man. For instance, we haven’t been megastars for almost 50 years and he has, we’re not 77-year-old Scots and he is, and we’ve never been publicly referred to as a ‘rude, foul-mouthed fat old man’ by people we live near.
Sean Connery, as if you need to be told, apparently has.
What we’re trying to say is that it’s difficult for us to understand why Sean Connery does some of the crazy, anti-social things he allegedly does. Perhaps he’s got perfectly decent explanations for them all.
Perhaps, for instance, Sean Connery only allegedly punched his wife because she was a massive bitch. Nobody thinks of that, do they?
And maybe Sean Connery only decided to write his son Jason out of his will and threaten to kill him because he’s a useless layabout who wouldn’t know a decent day’s work if it came up and sliced his nipples off and who’ll never be as good at anything as Sean Connery because Sean Connery is 100% Sean Connery and Jason Connery will only ever be 50% Sean Connery at best.
That claim – the one about Jason Connery being disinherited – is made in a new book by Diane Cilento, the ex-wife who Sean Connery apparently slapped around a bit. According to Cilento, Sean and Jason fell out over an acting role, as The Sun reports:
“Sean said, ‘You only got this job (an acting role) because your name’s Connery,'” said Cilento. “Jason said, ‘Well, I’ll change it to something else.’ Sean said, ‘If you do that I’ll fucking kill you.’ Jason loves him but Sean has a problem about relationships, as everybody round him knows.”
We should probably remember that – although it’s not an impossible stretch to see Sean Connery as a cranky, foul-tempered, old bastard – this is from a book written by a woman with a grudge, so maybe it should be taken with a pinch of salt.
Still, we’d be eager to discover which acting role it was that caused the schism between the Connerys. Was it Jason’s role as James Dunham in one episode of Casualty 11 years ago? Or his turn as Professor Joel Barash in Wishmaster 3: Beyond The Gates Of Hell? Maybe it was Jason’s critically-acclaimed role as Bennington in the seminal TV show Mary Kate And Ashley In Action!
Because if it was that last one, there’s no way that being Sean Connery’s son affected his casting. No, he got that role the old-fashioned way – by being the only actor alive prepared to degrade himself enough to star in a Mary Kate and Ashley TV show. We hope Sean Connery feels very silly indeed now.
Mithaearon says
Sean probably had just seen Jasons stint in Robin of Sherwood when he decided to cut him out of his will.
David Bryden says
Sean; don’t fall out with the one remaining person who can understand your speech.
The Dread Pirate Sausage! says
Does anyone know whether or not Mr. Connery even claims Zardoz?
I mean, when people ask him, “What was it like working on Zardoz?” does he go, “Aye, the lillies are beautiful. Drink anyone?” and then walk out of the room? Or does he have a bronze figurine of himself in that red teddy with a pony tail sitting on his mantle?