There was a time not so long ago that to have a baby, one had to petition the Most High until he blessed her with a swollen womb and an ample supply of spooj.
But now anybody can have a baby whether God wants them to or not. For instance,? even though it’s clear that everybody in heaven is very much against giving Celine Dion heirs to still record albums long after she’s dead, it’s happening anyway.
Somehow, after years of scientific struggle, she’s pregnant again.
That’s right – Celine Dion is pregnant. This is particularly strange when you consider that her husband’s spoo has been in a deep-freeze since they did that sort of thing with large chunks of lake ice.
That’s just what we heard.
What we’re getting at here is that she’s pregnant not by a sperm happening upon an unsuspecting egg, but at the hands of several dozen doctors, scientists and perhaps nurses that are pretty good at holding a syringe real nice and steady.
We’re told that this type of pregnancy is virtually identical to the natural kind, except the mother has to constantly sit on the petri dish so that it’s contents never get too hot or too cold.
We really did hear that. We also heard this – from the New York Daily News:
“C?line Dion is going to be a mom ? again! The Canadian singer learned of her pregnancy Monday after she and husband, Ren? Ang?lil, conceived with the help of a team of fertility doctors in New York…”
The doctor’s helped, we’re told, by dressing Dion and her husband both in velvet robes, dimming the lights, and letting passion rule as the pair surrendered to each other while the faint cries of a baby otter lingered in the air.
We’re told that for Canadians, baby otter cries are an absolute essential to proper love making. So are red police uniforms and millions of miles of uninhabited, ice covered wilderness.
Now that we know Celine is pregnant, we suppose it’s safe to say she’s really keeping up with the Kardashians!
See what we did there? Could someone in headquarters please get that copyrighted? Chop chop!
JoeMomma says
What was interesting is this news broke yesterday, with a birth some time in May. Likely she was pregnant for all of 30 seconds before they called her publicist. So basically the Dr’s got her all preggers yesterday, they called the PR machine and away we go.