Kourtney Kardashian Is Shoved Full Of Babies (Not Neccessarily Plural)

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kourtney-kardashianWhat children need when coming into this world is stability, warmth, and most importantly, a great big butt to spill out of when the doctor comes a’callin’.

After all, the the more exit room the less likely the baby is to realise that that’s exactly what a fart must feel like. In a world where children’s fart sympathy is starting to cause so much unrest, we really can’t stress big-birthing-butt importance enough.

Speaking of which – a Kardashian is stuffed with child, and we don’t mean their mother again!To tell you the truth, we really don’t know anything about Kourtney Kardashian except that she’s not the one famous for sex on YouTube, she’s not the one famous for sex on MetaCafe, and we think she’s Cuban. Other than that we literally know nothing about her.

Oh – and she’s pregnant. Yup, she’s found somebody to top her off at the sperm pump, and although she’s been relatively mum as to who the father is – we’re pretty certain it’s Snagglepuss.snagglepuss Our reasoning for believing this is we heard she’s recently broken up with Hong Kong Phooey, and so far this whole pregnancy thing has just seemed spiteful.

Plus she’s always got those clumps of belly-rub pink fir stuck to the sweat between her fingers. The clues add up. Seriously.

Here’s E! Online for the real scoop:

“Kourtney Kardashian is going to be a mom! While the E! reality star confirms she’s pregnant with her first child, Ms. K isn’t revealing too much right now. She’s keeping mum on the daddy’s identity and how far along she is.”

That poor kid. Think about it . Right after birth it’ll probably look up towards it’s mother through the doctor’s fingers, realise that if talent comes 100% from heredity he’s screwed, and then he’ll ask a nurse to please just throw him into the big red bag with all the severed arms and what-not.

We jest, we jest! Really the kid’ll  just take solace in knowing that he probably wasn’t conceived in front of a million-plus mouse clicking, extremely sticky audience like his one-day cousins may or may not have to worry about.

And you know what – that sounds like the start to a pretty good life to us.

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