If you’re a fan of news stories about people who are married to famous people and lose their dog, read on.
This is your moon landing. This is your Mandela freedom walk. This is your perestroika. You see, CinnaBun – the pitbull terrier who belonged to Sandra Bullock‘s husband Jesse James until she went missing at the end of last month – has finally turned up. Truly, this is the greatest story about a dog belonging to a man who is married to a woman who stars in films going missing and then being returned ever.
It’s such a touching story that it’s thought Sandra Bullock wants to adapt it into a movie. Only in the movie she’ll play Jesse James, Hugh Grant will play CinnaBun and they’ll have sex at the end. It is a Sandra Bullock film, after all.
What an up and down year Sandra Bullock has had. You might not have noticed – primarily because her face looks as if it’s been tightened to such an absurd degree that her face isn’t really capable of conveying emotion any more – but Sandra Bullock has been up and down relentlessly over the last 12 months. First she made The Proposal, which did quite well. Then she made All About Steve, which did horribly. Then she made The Blind Side, which did phenomenally well. Then she was nominated for Worst Actress. Then she was nominated for Best Actress.
Then her husband’s dog CinnaBun went missing. And then it came back. Honestly, we don’t know how Sandra Bullock copes with such turmoil. No, literally, we don’t know how she copes with it – her face is so rigid and emotionless that we honestly can’t work out her processes.
Anyway, this story about CinnaBun going missing and then coming back is big news. In fact it’s currently the top story on PeoplePets.com – the pet-related offshoot to People magazine – beating the hot news that a family in Montana has just bought an unusually small horse into second place. In your face, unusually small horse! PeoplePets reports:
After three weeks of a desperate search for his beloved pit bull, Jesse James Tweeted Wednesday that he and CinnaBun have been reunited. Along with a photo of CinnaBun putting her paws up to his chest in a happy greeting, James posted this message: “So Happy! Thnx Everyone for all the help! She looks like she hz had quite the Adventure!”
And Jesse James isn’t the only one pleased that CinnaBun has been found. His followers on Twitter have been just as overjoyed, tweeting heartfelt comments like:
“Never a fan of pit bulls, especially ones that are free to roam around attacking unsuppecting humans and other animals. But glad you got your dog back.”
and:
“lol hell yeah. what’r you cryin, sissy boy… sum french cries”
But nobody is happier about the return of CinnaBun than Sandra Bullock herself. At least we think that’s what her face is trying to convey. It’s hard to tell. It could just as easily be anger, we suppose. Or guilt. Or incontinence. Oh, we give up.
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stella says
I’m afraid in a couple of years soon all our middle-aged celebs and the ordinary rich will look like inflated Chinese masks stretched over conga drums.