When hecklerspray thinks of PETA, we think of the time they rushed our house and 'rescued' a boa constrictor we were keeping in several shoe boxes we'd taped end-to-end-to-end until it passed our dear old grandmother.
Thanks for that PETA. We only hope you gave her poopy bones a decent burial. Also, we're pretty sure she was holding one of our Wii controllers when the snake done ate her, so if you could sift through that stuff…
Now when Aretha Franklin thinks of PETA, she has a different experience all together. 'Tax saviors' may be the term that first comes to her mind. That's because they've just promised to pay all her back house taxes on one condition… she must kill her only child! With a cheese grater! And meat spices!
That's not true, but wouldn't it be so dramatic? If it was true it probably would have been in the headline.
Think about it.
Aretha Franklin has recently allotted some of her scheduled time away from despising Beyonce, and focused it more on not paying her taxes. Such a lack of governmental interaction is a perk of being a celebrity – just ask that guy from Survivor. Or Marc Anthony. Or Wesley Snipes. Ask them all, actually.
Well Aretha Franklin's big fat fancy house is about to be lost forever because of her tax mishaps. We're sure PETA would rather see Franklin's wardrobe get confiscated by the man, but it won't be. No – it's her house hanging in the balance.
Luckily for Franklin though, PETA is an organisation that can see past her wardrobe sins. They've offered to pay off her back taxes – if Franklin trashes all her furs. Ingrid Newkirk, PETA's evil mastermind, wrote a letter to the hefty singer. Part of which said:
"We would like to help you out by paying the approximate $19,000 in back taxes that you owe – if you'll agree to save animals from hideous suffering and death by promising never to wear fur again and donating your old furs to PETA…Our offer is a win-win situation: You get to keep your home, and animals get to keep their lives. We are rooting for you to please give animals the R-E-S-P-E-C-T that they deserve by giving up fur."
We're pretty sure PETA's trying so desperately to help Franklin because in her old age she looks like a beluga, and if those things aren't endangered they should be. You hear that congress? Put belugas on that one special list you guys always add on to. They're such sweet animals! Do it now!
So demands hecklerspray!
Read More:
Aretha Franklin's PETA Payout – Monsters & Critics