Aretha Franklin can't help being badly dressed – when you swell up as large as she has, fashion is just a case of cutting a head-hole in the prettiest tarpaulin you can find.
And it gets worse, because animal rights warriors PETA have now declared Aretha Franklin to be the worst dressed celebrity of the year, thanks to all the fur she wears.
It's a fair title too, because Aretha Franklin is easily crueler to animals than any other celebrity. Look at it this way – if Eva Longoria wears a fur coat then maybe 40 animals died to make it. But when Aretha Franklin wants a fur coat, hunters have to kill and skin every single furry animal on the face of the planet – and shave off their own pubes – just to almost stretch over half of one of her gigantic wobbly upper arms.
More than anyone, Aretha Franklin should know about animal rights. That's not because her important role in the civil rights movement imbued her with a sense of love for all living creatures, but because any time she gets too close to the Japanese coastline people try to harpoon her.
It looks like the whole world's got it in for Aretha Franklin at the moment. For instance, the Grammys managed to deeply offend Aretha by calling Tina Turner by a made-up title that some people occasionally use when referring to her. And, to make it worse, Aretha's currently at number one on Beyonce's Dad's shit-list.
And now constantly-angry animal rights group PETA has got the hump with Aretha Franklin, too, for the amount of fur she wears. Silly PETA, doesn't it know that Aretha Franklin needs to wear fur because her surface area is so vast that bits of her snap off if they're not covered up properly? The Associated Press reports:
PETA thinks Aretha Franklin is no queen of soul when it comes to wearing fur. Franklin was crowned this year's worst-dressed celebrity by the animal rights organization. Her crime: wearing "yet another vulgar fur" at the Grammy Awards. "… you looked as if you were going to perform `I Am the Walrus' by the Beatles," People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said Wednesday of Franklin's appearance. "You might be a queen, but you don't know jack about compassion. How 'bout some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for animals?" PETA added.
Other names on PETA's worst-dressed list include Eva Longoria, Kate Moss, Lindsay Lohan, Kylie Minogue and Marilyn Manson, for owning some leather trousers. Human corpses? That's just dandy, but leather trousers? What an evil bastard.
Aretha Franklin joins the likes of Nicole Richie and The Olsen Twins as celebrities that PETA doesn't like, but the organisation has another thing coming if it thinks that Aretha is just going to roll over and stop wearing fur like everyone else. That's partly because Aretha Franklin physically can't roll over any more without the aid of two cranes, a forklift truck and a specially-trained crew, and partly because Aretha Franklin is a formidable opponent to have.
Honestly, look at how shitty she got when someone didn't call her 'the queen'. And PETA's got the nerve to say she doesn't dress well? If we worked for PETA we'd be terrified that Aretha Franklin would punch our offices to smithereens with her bare club-like fists any time now.
Read more:
gir says
Little known fact: Aretha decided to stop wearing fur in late 2006; word has not yet reached the outlying areas.
markie says
I feel obliged to point out that PETA are absolute mentalists and people, including animal-loving types, should pay no attention to what the holocaust-mocking, animal mass-killing, arson and crime-supporting, people-hating freaks.
They ain’t cuddly, they ain’t nice, they’re BAD PEOPLE and I urge as many of you to tell them to sod off when they wave those 40-year old pictures of animal testing in your face in the high street and ignore their self-proclaimed “This person is evil” press releases and articles about them.
*thinks about what I just spent 5 minutes writing*
Oops!
Carry on :-)
mst3kster says
What is Aretha wearing in that photo you posted?
Oh, I know. It’s the entire universe.
gir says
Thank god markie is here with the update on PETA, since they are such a secretive organization, always keeping their motivations under wraps.
New Yorker says
Your criticisms of Aretha Franklin and the name-calling shows just how juvinile you people are. Jealousy rears its ugly head and people feel that trying th drag Aretha down will make THEM feel better. ARETHA FRANKLIN IS THE QUEEN OF SOUL. Get over it.
For over 40 years and countless concerts (world-wide), Miss Franklin has been introduced to zillions at ever performance: “Ladies and gentlemen. The Queen of Soul, Miss Aretha Franklin.” She had every right to express her concern about Beyonce’s intro of Tina Turner. Thank God Dinah Washington is dead. She was the “Queen of the Blues.” If she had been in that audience and some other singer introduced as “the queen,” Dinah would have been waiting for Beyonce backstage, where she would not only have “cussed” her out, but slapped her face as well. Dinah was serious about HER title.
Aretha has a weight problem. So do MOST fat-assed Americans. She’s on a Jenny Craig program and has a nutritionist preparing her foods. Franklin will lose weight gradually — you need not be concerned. Just keep your OWN weight in check.
Your name-calling against Aretha doesn’t make us, who love her, change our minds about her one iota.
PETA should be going after the people who actually kill minks and other animals for their pelts and not the folks who wear furs (that they have PAID for). If the US government outlawed the killings, people wouldn’t be able to slaugher these animals.
Americans are some of the most angry and evil people on the planet. They lay is wait, hoping to jump on some bandwagon, if it can hurt somebody who is rich and famous.
minamorgan says
Wow, talk about rude. There is nothing wrong with Aretha and shame on all of you for making fun of her size. Reguardless of how much she weighs, she is still beautiful and an amazing singer.
"Mentalists" LOL! says
“Mentalists,” Marki? So, PETA are a bunch of psychics? Cuz, that’s pretty much the only definition of “mentalists” that exists. Unless you were using your very own definition, which I can only presume must be something like “retarded” or “crazy”–and in both cases, you know what they say, my little intelligence-challenged friend: takes one to know one.
Yep, I’ll be taking advice from Marki. Marki says PETA’s BAD PEOPLE–cuz they’re mentalists like her. Harumph!
Oh the idiot train! LOL!
–Lover of PETA, hater on Marki
Jody says
I can’t believe I read this. I want to go kill myself now for being fat. But first I’m going to throw up so my corpse will be skinnier.
That was appalling.
gir says
Actually, there is something wrong with Aretha. It’s called “obesity”.
“PETA should be going after the people who actually kill minks and other animals for their pelts and not the folks who wear furs (that they have PAID for). If the US government outlawed the killings, people wouldn’t be able to slaugher these animals.”
You are a fucking retard. Are you at all familiar with the concept of a consumer-driven economy?
And again with the jealousy accusation. Do you actually think I want to be a fat bitch whose major concern is what some retard from a terrible Mike Myers movie called a dumb cunt whose major occupation for 15 years was “punching bag”?
mst3kster says
Yeah, I get sooo jealous of those whose egos are so gigantic that they have a pissy-fit whenever anyone else is referred to as Queen.
If Aretha had any class, she would have taken it in stride.
Cece says
As an overweight person I am offended by all the disgusting and in-humane things you called her. Calling her names just shows how ignorant and inmature you are. You call yourself an American?
vegimatic says
it is unfortunate aretha is struggling with her weight, and i guess the purpose of this site is to ridicule people, but the heckling is pretty vicious! i imagine it does take a few extra murdered animals to cover her, and quite a few more to feed her. i hope she will come off her throne and find some compassion for the animals and for herself. but, maybe we can be a bit nicer to people with weight issues too? ok, you can heckle me now, i can take it…
gir says
As a person with eyes I am offended by how fat you are. Please stop being so fat and going out in public. I call myself an American and you a fatty fat fat tub.
markie says
gir – glad to be of service …
… no really! some people don’t seem to know that PETA fund arsonists and stuff, as obvious as it may seem to us, your average braindead model – or glossy womens magazine editor – has no idea that PETA thing arson is fun.
as for “”Mentalists” LOL!”
You are a clearly fucking retard,ed for these reasons:
1) You have never watched Alan Partridge. a mentalist is one who is mental, in addition to its traditional definition. Everyone knows this.
2) Markie is obviously a derivation of the name “Mark” – I am not a “her”.
3) You love PETA
4) You have that awful grammar thing where you use “hater on” rather than “hater of”. If you are a “hater on markie” that means you are “one who hates while astride markie” which I don’t believe is what you meant
Pedantic, I know, but you opened the pedant box, not me.
5) You used LOL in a situation where if you had *actually* laughed out loud I would worry for your mental health. Do you really find linguistic and semantic arguments over the definition of words laugh out loud funny?
gir says
markie, no one will read that.
markie says
working alone in a room with one 1 by 3ft window in the middle of an crappy industrial estate does that to a man :-(
Will says
PETA should spend more time educating the public about the horrors of animal cruelty rather than jumping on the bandwagon of celebrity-bashing. Aretha is a human being who is subject to the same negative influences and socializations as anyone else. We should be focused on educating her on the validity of animal life through compassionate measures rather than attacking her. As for the weight references, PETA should be ashamed of themselves for stooping so low as to go there. As a life-long supporter of PETA, I am embarrassed and offended by their remarks, and I honestly don’t know if I will continue to be affiliated with such an organization. Aretha Franklin is a beautiful person with a great talent and a big heart, and I’m sure she would be more than willing to re-consider wearing furs if we conducted ourselves more professionally and compassionately.
gir says
If by “beautiful person” you mean “big fat fucking bitch” and by “great talent” you mean “huge ego” and by “big heart” you mean “a tendency to throw temper tantrums like a fucking five-year-old at the smallest perceived slight” and by “re-consider wearing furs if we conducted ourselves more professionally and compassionately” you mean “eat all of us for a late night snack before complaining to the press about how we refused to call her THE QUEEN while being devoured” then I agree.
Snapper Winston says
omfs – “The entire universe” was QUITE funny.
Zoe says
Aretha your such a whinging old fat childish jealous fat cow. Tina is the queen and will always be queen. She has earned her title. Tina has class and is sexy. Beyonce and Tina rocked singing on stage together.
GO TINA, YOU JUST ROCK THIS WORLD.