Paul McCartney has often fanned the flames of hatred in the Middle East – after all, what is Silly Love Songs if not a vitriolic tirade against Islam?
And because of this, Paul McCartney’s concert tonight in Israel is shrouded with danger. Islamic extremists are apparently so determined to kill Paul McCartney tonight that nobody is taking any chances – which is why 5,000 bodyguards have been hired to surround Paul McCartney at all times during his visit. That’s even more that George Bush needed.
The message of this is clear – although he takes the death threats incredibly seriously, Paul McCartney will not deprive the Israeli people of his music. The other message, of course, is that Paul McCartney’s got so many bouncers around him at the moment that there won’t be anyone working the door of your local nightclub tonight, so you could probably get away with jeans and trainers if you wanted.
Paul McCartney has played some important concerts in his life – Shea Stadium, The Super Bowl, Red Square – but none have been quite as important as tonight’s concert in Tel Aviv. That’s because religious extremists didn’t decide to promote any of the other concerts by promising that Paul McCartney would get blown up by the middle of the second half.
Islamic fanatics have threatened to kill Paul McCartney if his concert tonight in Israel goes ahead. You see, to them Paul McCartney is the ultimate icon of western opulence and his death would be as heavily symbolic to the world as the events of 911. Also, they’re totally pissed off that Paul McCartney never responded to their letter asking if they could use Wonderful Christmastime as their theme tune.
But Paul McCartney has refused to cancel tonight’s concert, believing that not singing C Moon to a load of middle-aged Jewish people would literally be as bad as dying anyway. So McCartney’s decided to do the next best thing instead – he’s hired 5,000 bodyguards. The Mirror reports:
The vast security for Sir Paul McCartney’s Tel Aviv concert tonight even dwarfs the protection given to President Bush when he visited Israel. A 5,000-strong security team will ensure Macca, 66, is watched around the clock in the wake of death threats from Islamic fanatics. A massive security army guarding Macca includes 20 agents from Israel’s elite Mossad intelligence organisation as well as officers from Britain’s MI6.
He’s just playing it safe, of course – Paul McCartney doesn’t need all that security. He has his own ways of stopping the terrorists, like launching into a 20-minute version of Hey Jude so utterly tedious that it’ll knock any religious extremist into a deep slumber for up to a week. He could achieve a similar effect by playing any song from his last three albums, but the risk is just too high – these fanatics aren’t people you’d want to anger, remember.
And anyway, we’re only assuming that Paul McCartney will be playing the concert tonight. For all we know he could be sending on a stand-in in his place. For all we know that could be your nan up on stage tonight. Don’t pretend you could tell the difference.
magnetite says
They should be able to spring Mark Chapman from prison in a one-off deal to protect McCartney. He owes the Beatles one anyway, and what more fitting an end than taking a bullet or two for Macca? Nah, he’d probably still opt for shankings, only seeing the sun for one hour a week and the occasional frightening nocturnal visit from a man known only as ‘The ButtSpear’; than protect the bloke who put out ‘Dance Tonight’ as a serious piece of music.
toolahroolahroolah says
So I wonder how many people are guarding Paul’s reefer.
“That’s even more that George Bush needed.”
That’s cause even the most dedicated jihadist would rather kill the infidel who conceived “Jet” rather than slaying the great white satan.
Pitbull says
I do not believe the death threat story one bit.Bunkum to ensure a HUGE audience.
If “they” were after money they could target Abromovitch or Gates or Warren Buffet or Bush.( Jnr)
Every damn thing these days comes with some absurd “terrorist” warning. Boys calling wolf too often .?