Paul McCartney might give off the impression of youth, what with his dyed moddish haircut and freakish predisposal to larking around with a mandolin like a little twit, but the fact is that Paul McCartney is getting on in years.
And with age comes inevitable health problems, which explains why Paul McCartney had a sly coronary angioplasty recently. According to reports, Paul McCartney had the routine heart operation in secret at a private London hospital in the autumn after consulting his doctor, and has since recovered well. That'll be good news to everyone except for Ringo Starr, who must accept that Paul McCartney's refusal to die means that he has to shelve his plans to remaster the life out of all the old Beatles albums until all that's left is some drumming and a 15-hour selection of out-takes from the seminal Octopus's Garden sessions.
Divorce affects different people in different ways, and that's never been more clear than with Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. While the endless bickering and public squabbling caused Heather Mills to spectacularly meltdown on GMTV until all she could do was squeak the word 'paedophile' over and over like Mickey Mouse's castrato nephew, Paul McCartney has done quite the opposite.
Instead of carping on about the agony of divorce to anyone who'll listen, Paul McCartney has bravely grinned through the pain, waggled his thumbs about at every opportunity and then nearly keeled over from a heart attack. Which is probably worse, all said.
It has been reported today that Paul McCartney had a spot of secret coronary angioplasty recently, following a stress-filled year that involved both divorce proceedings and skipping around like an elderly goblin in an iTunes ad, either of which could have finished him off, really. According to The Sun, a source said:
"Paul had been complaining about not feeling well and saw a Harley Street specialist at The London Clinic. Tests were carried out and the decision was taken to operate. Paul had the angioplasty in a private hospital. It was all very routine but any work on your heart is a big deal."
We've no reason to believe that this story isn't true, but perhaps the best way to find out for sure would be to ask Nancy Shevell or Rosanna Arquette, because from what we've heard the operation involves pushing balloons up your cock, and that sort of thing has to leave a mark, surely. Whatever, we're just pleased that Paul McCartney's last YouTube craze was called Nod Your Head – if it had been called Run Up And Down The Stairs A Bunch Of Times then the poor bugger would have been done for.
It just goes to show that you can have all the money in the world but it means nothing if your heart packs up – unless it allows you to pay for expensive private Harley Street doctors to repair your heart much faster and more effectively than if you had to go through the procedure on the NHS. Which is what Paul McCartney did, to be fair. Look, we don't know what our point is, OK?