Since separating from Heather Mills, Paul McCartney has missed a woman's touch – their sweet fragrance, the silky lustre of their hair, the way they scream in confused terror when they're stabbed in the arm with a sawn-off wineglass.
But it looks like Paul McCartney has had enough of the single life, as he's been romantically linked with a separated New York millionairess called Nancy Shevell who he's been seen snuggling up to and kissing a handful of times already. While it's clear what Paul McCartney sees in Nancy Shevell – a woman who drips class and has never to our knowledge gone on breakfast TV and said the world 'paedophile' in an extraordinarily high-pitched voice – it's slightly harder to see what Nancy Shevell sees in elderly dough-faced grandmother-impersonator Paul McCartney the former Beatle and multi-multimillionaire.
It must be the way he smells or something.
Aside from every piece of music he's made since 1980, Paul McCartney can do no wrong in the eyes of the public. He was in The Beatles for a start, which tends to buy most people a lot of goodwill, plus his first wife died of cancer and he's single-handedly keeping the Brighton and Hove hairdye industry afloat, so what's not to love?
And the affection the public has for Paul McCartney – having already seem him through some dreadful mullets and that bastard iTunes advert – shows no sign of letting up thanks to his soon-to-be ex-wife Heather Mills and her unique talent for obliquely banging on about what a bastard Paul McCartney is all the time. For instance, when Heather Mills claimed that Paul McCartney stabbed her in the arm with a wineglass, the public responded by secretly wishing that Paul McCartney had gone for the windpipe instead. In short, Paul McCartney always wins.
So, by and large, the public will be behind Paul McCartney whoever he picks as his next girlfriend. For a while that looked a lot like it'd be Renee Zellweger, but that's all fallen by the wayside now it's been reported that Paul McCartney is currently dating Nancy Shevell, an old friend of Paul's who has recently separated from millionaire lawyer Bruce Blakeman.
Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell have been seen out around six times so far, eating sushi and watching movies and driving along the beach and even 'kissing tenderly' if reports are to be believed. At the moment this is all just speculation, though – nobody knows for sure if Paul and Nancy are a couple and, even if they are, it's impossible to tell if it'll go on to become anything serious.
And although it's rumoured that Paul McCartney was recently seen in a lingerie shop, nobody even knows if Paul McCartney and Linda Shevell have even consummated their relationship yet. The only thing that Paul McCartney has said on the matter so far is:
“The only comment I have is that it’s a beautiful day.”
Oh, they're totally doing it. Now we just need to spend the rest of our lives painfully trying to remove the traumatic mental image of Paul McCartney having sex.