What do you give the girl who has everything? How loads of jewellery – because if that girl is Paris Hilton, it’s all been nicked.
Paris Hilton has been burgled, with the thief bagging jewellery worth up to $2 million. But more fool the burglar, we say, because he’ll have to go a long way before he finds anyone who’ll pay that much for jewellery that tacky-looking.
It’s Paris Hilton we feel sorry for – this has to rank as the most violated and vulnerable she’s ever felt. Or at least the most violated and vulnerable she’s ever felt without a man’s penis stuffed into her gaping mouth.
Tell you what, this is shaping up to be a rubbish Christmas. Forget about it being the season to be jolly – just look at the news that we’ve reported already today. Michael Jackson might die soon. That dreary posho from Twilight has cut off all his hair. Worse still, people actually like that crappy-looking Jim Carrey movie. And now Paris Hilton has been burgled.
Honestly, this Christmas couldn’t get any worse for a handful of incredibly wealthy people who we honestly couldn’t even give a fraction of a crap about.
But back to Paris Hilton. Early on Friday morning Hilton’s Los Angeles mansion was burgled, with an estimated $2 millions’ worth of jewellery being stolen. And that’s jewellery that Paris Hilton has bought with her own money, not just handouts from her family of ancestral billionaires, you hear? It meant something to her. Not enough for her to keep it locked up, obviously, but never mind. The LA Times reports:
Police said that Hilton was not home at the time of the burglary and that the house is equipped with a security system. In addition, the gated community has its own security force that police said was helping them to identify the burglar. “I expect we’ll be able to apprehend the culprit here based on some of the information we have,” said Deputy Chief Charlie Beck, head of the department’s detective bureau.
First thing on the police’s list will no doubt be to rule out a number of suspects. Paris Hilton should definitely be first on this list – we’re absolutely sure that she didn’t commit the burglary herself as an insurance scam.
This is down to the fact that we’ve seen The Simple Life, and therefore know that Paris Hilton doesn’t seem to understand how doors work, even unlocked doors that have the word ‘push’ written on them alongside a diagram of what pushing looks like. This would make burglary difficult for her.
However, the fact of the matter remains that Paris Hilton has had jewellery worth $2 million stolen from her house right before Christmas, and that’s not very nice. Honestly, why some people choose to pick on poor, helpless, famously dim millionaire hotel heiresses who’ve already filmed their bedrooms from multiple angles in their innumerable internet sex tapes is beyond us, it really is.
coffee says
Fortunately for Paris she only lost one of her more modest jewelry collections…