What’s the best thing about Robert Pattinson? His intense lack of charisma? The way his speaking voice is the perfect auditory representation of carbon monoxide suffocation?
No! It’s his hair. As all shrieking teenage girls know, Robert Pattinson has the world’s dreamiest hair – it’s all tousled and unkempt and probably home to millions of undiscovered species of rodent. So if Robert Pattinson ever had a haircut, we’d probably kill ourselves.
Which is a bummer, because Robert Pattinson has had a haircut. Actually, forget killing ourselves; it’s time for plan B – find the hair. WE MUST EAT ROBERT PATTINSON’S DREAMY HAIR!
Tell you what, this Twilight 2: New Moon movie is going to be rubbish. Obviously that’s not saying much, since the original Twilight was an unmitigated pile of dismal faux-emo codswallop, but even by Twilight‘s standards the sequel is going to be awful.
We could just about stand it when Twilight‘s director was sacked and replaced with the man behind the monstrosity that was The Golden Compass, and we could just about stand it when people talked about sacking and replacing that weedy werewolf boy who looks like he still wets the bed – but that was only because we assumed that the real star of Twilight would be safe. But it isn’t.
We’re talking, of course, about Robert Pattinson’s hair. Even though it looked a little bit like the hopeless photos you’d see in small town barbers’ windows in about 1986, Robert Pattinson’s Twilight hair carried that movie. The way it yielded to the breeze without ever giving in to frizziness. The way it remained upright even when Robert chased and killed that deer in the woods. The way that the sheer amount of gel needed to maintain the illusion that Robert Pattinson doesn’t care what his hair looks like was single handedly enough to support the entire hairstyling industry during the credit crunch. God, Robert Pattinson’s hair is dreamy!
And it’s still dreamy. It’s just that it’s dreamy inside a hairdresser’s dustpan somewhere. You see, Robert Pattinson has had all his hair cut off. We’re too distraught to tell you more, so here’s the mighty Times Of Ohio to fill you in:
Twilight star, 22 year old Robert Pattinson, has a new haircut. His latest hairstyle is nothing like that of his vampire character, Edward Cullen. Robert has tossed the tousled, unkempt hairstyle in favor of a short, military style haircut. His new haircut should delight his fans, because his bangs are no longer falling into his face and covering his eyes.
What? What are you talking about, Times Of Ohio? That hair was the only thing distracting us from the fact that Robert Pattinson’s skull is shaped like a shattered egg! This means that there’ll be nothing to counterbalance his weird Frankenstein jaw in the new Twilight movie! You idiots!
Or perhaps we’re being a little hard on Robert Pattinson here – after all, the Twilight movies only exist to promote teen abstinence, and it’ll be much easier for teenage girls to keep their virginity if their vampiric fantasy figures now look like Michael Owen with Marfan Syndrome after an extended hunger strike. So good job Robert, we take it all back.
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Woo hoo! It’s an idiot parade!
OMG U R TOTALLEY H8Rs N Jellous!!!
If we combined this thread with the World
Largest Penis thread we could subsume the entire
Interwebs! How about a post on Pattinson’s
penis hair? (!) (?) (!) Bet we break 300 on that one.
I am not going to add a comment to this thread, as I don’t want to overtake The World’s Biggest Penis.
Why in the wold cut your hair?!
I’m not going to call Joke Police a penis because …
Fuck it ,. JP you’re a dick
still laughing at these comments. and not all vampire stuff is bloody/gory, dumbass ‘load of crap’ person.
and for the record, i bet robert has a small penis. lets see what drama that one causes.
Its Okay Addy. Robbie looks & acts like someone who wishes he could change it to a vagina.
drama instigations a go!!!!!
Boring Addy.no one is going to “rise” to that one. Try again!!
Look, Bob posted and ran!
You people are unf@*%ingbelievable!
Guys , you`ve gone mad. How can u debate so much on someone`s new haircut? u seem sick . at least the person who wrote that bullshit has serious issues . if he doesnt like the guy , why the fuck does he concentrate on writing sarcastic stuff which btw are so not funny! dude , how can u criticize his voice? i bet u sound like u`re taking a shit when u sing … so give the “poor” guy some rest. it`s ridiculous.
)
and the guys who dislike him or are indifferent: how did u end up on this site? and why did u post here? dont wanna offend anybody , but u seem like a bunch of 10 years old retards … are u so stoned that u woke up leaving replies here? do u see yourselves so freakin funny, like mike strutter? hahaha bad comparison , it sounds like i`m offending him
good night god bless !
=)
Looks like Addy posted and ran too!!
=)
naw, this is saved in my favorites. i’m not afraid of virtual comments left by 13yr olds. or 13yr olds, for that matter. sooo eat me.
This article was funny, point blank. It was meant to be taken as a joke. No need to get serious about it.
I only became a big Robert Pattinson fan after reading the Twilight book, and then watching Twilight a second time. Before then, for months I didn’t get what all the fuss is about. Actually, I didn’t know who the hell he was until I looked up his name online. A lot of girls fell for him being “Edward” instead of just being “Robert”. This character made him who he is.
If you’re a fan, then be a fan.
If you’re not, then don’t be.
But don’t go defending the guy like he needs to be defended. I’m pretty sure he gets enough pressure as it is being in the spotlight.
Laugh at the article, then move on.
Same here, that’s the way I was too ValsGal. Not into Harry Potter so didn;t make the connection. Had read the books back in Oct.to see what was making my daughter and her friends so gaga!!
Addy, my daughter is
13. But you’d have to tack on quite a few more years for me. =(
And no thanks, I throw out leftovers!
On my faves too! =)
Pretty sure I’ll ttyl. *sigh*
Same here, that’s the way I was too ValsGal. Not into Harry Potter so didn;t make the connection. Had read the books back in Oct.to see what was making my daughter and her friends so gaga!!
Addy, my daughter is
13. But you’d have to tack on quite a few more years for me. =(
And no thanks, I throw out leftovers!
On my faves too! =)
Pretty sure I’ll ttyl. *sigh*
i think tht the new hair is ok but i loved long hair thing he had goin 4 him. but i still love him anyway n all the ppl tht dnt like him need 2 sum help in the biy department
omg all u haters must think ur pretty cool…. so wat if he got a hair cut ITS JUST HAIR AND IT GROWS BACK and mod unless u kno robert personaly u shouldnt acuse somthing as serious as autism and all u haters are just mean ppl who dont have any thing better to do that act like a bunch of jerks and make fun of ppl u dont really even kno in the slightest and so wat if u have a problem with me go ahead flip out or swear at me idc and also
i love u robert u are my fav actor and u are ahmazing keep acting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
ps all u haters must have a prooblem with ur self estime
I simply want to say I am not a teenager;I am just an average woman who happens to be a huge fan of Robert Pattinson.He is a kind man who deserves respect.His hair does not make him who he is.He is a very talented musician and actor! With that said if you can’t be nice, please do us all a favor and take a long jump off a very tall cliff!
can any of the twilight fans name another movie that robert pattinson has been in w/out looking him up? epic fail if you can’t.
I agree with addy and Irish. The Twilight Books were good when you got through all the fluff. Poor editing.
I prefer Harry Potter. Books were great, loved the first two movies, the rest were average.
hes in a harry potter movie
specific
Addy, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry potter and the order of the phoenix, how to be, vanity fair, unbound captives, Eclipse, new Moon, twilight, remember me, so yeah before you judge, know your stuff.
Fuck you, the Twilight movie & Robert rocks!
Goblet of fire…he was killed “YAY”
It’s almost sweet how jealous you are of this British actor. Yes, he has a pretty face and yes he’s hot to most women but never-the-less he is talented. Most people are happy that some real talent is getting noticed in Hollywood instead of some rich guy’s daughter getting all the attention.
At the same time it’s also pathetic how you pick on something as trivial as his hair (which admittedly is very sexy esp. to younger girls) to prove that you’re a bigger guy. He’s just a celebrity; he neither cares nor wants to know what you think about his hair. Yes, post something real like his performance or something and maybe we will start to actually show you some respect.
Don’t worry though the rest of you all of my male friends and scarily some females (although calling them friends would be stretching it) have done and said pretty much the same thing because they’re too scared to face reality and that is this guy is actually successful out there and people like his boyish looks. And the fact he is so open and doesn’t always act so tough is scary for you guys isn’t it?
so here’s a tip Stuart, go curl up in a little ball, cry, call your mother, then get back on this website, post about someone else’s hair and then go boast about how much of a man you are.
toodles x
I just don’t see any reason and justification for the hate comments. Granted that the guy is in the entertainment business, thus exposing himself to public scrutiny but in doing so he asked to be judged by his craft and not by his popularity. It is not the guy’s fault that fans are crazy about him. It is not his fault he is suddenly popular no matter how people may think it undeserved. He performed his job. Criticize him, but he does not deserve your hate, or your insult.
harry potter goblet of fire, the haunted airman, the bad mother’s handbook, little ashes, not shown yet, the summer house, the ring of the nebulungs, i’m not sure if i spelled that right, and how to be
To Candy, u go girl!!!!
Uu go girl!!!
Y
Yeah, UU go candy, way to work the internet omg lol!!!!
k .. its gonna grow back before new moon. relax.
Wow! I don’t have any idea how I got to this site, must have really been bored,but this is the best entertainment I’ve had in a long time! I didn’t know anything about Twilight..never heard of it. My 19 yr. old daughter got her boyfriend to take her to see it after all her friends were going nuts over it. She came home, woke me up and told me how she couldn’t quit smiling through the entire movie. She drug me with her when she saw it a second time. I honestly sat through most of it saying..what? huh? because I had no idea what it was about. I did notice the Edward character and spent most of my time feeling sorry for him, like I wanted to give him a hug and tell him it would be ok. When it was over I thought yeah that was pretty good. Then my daughter read all the books…all she reads are college textbooks! She made me read them…I fell in love with the story..no matter how left field it is..it’s still a very tender love story..without all the sex! And I must admit that Rob is a very nice looking kid! The thing that gets me is he really has the ‘it’ factor. It’s hard to explain but to me it’s like watching Johnny Depp…he can just draw you into his character…yes he does have ‘it’. I really look forward to watching him grow and spread his wings as an actor. I think he will only get better with time.
ew… pattinson should never be compared to johnny depp.
and all the ‘hate’ he’s getting on here will NEVER GET BACK TO HIM.
i live in london and saw rob not so long ago in a pub, he cut his hair because everyone kept going on about it, he wishes people would stop making it such a big deal. its only hair!
the guys human hes just trying to make a living and is succeeding so doesnt really matter what is said on here, it makes no difference to him.
and to be honest hes actually a pretty nice guy.
but got to give it to stu was a funny to read anyway.
message to everyone
its only words.. stop taking it so seriously.. rob doesnt.
and the guy is only human. no ones perfect
i luv robert not only cause his good looks but cause hes a good actor and very nice!!!
Omg don’t b so hard on him he’s pretty stupid 4 cutting his hair i agree there.But u never know what might happen so yesh.His hair might grow back soon enough 4 da movie.
Oy,
I hope his hair grows out enough fornew moon
heyyy . rob pattinsons rly hott. except for his big headd. its distracting from his beautyy.
hit me upp on aim!
This movie is not all about blood and gore because its not suppose to be. Its suppose to be a romance about two star-crossed lovers. And for a movie Twilight was pretty awesome. But the books were a bit more better. Also Even though robert Pattinson cut off the dreamy hair i loved,i mean loved he’s still gorgeous. But, seriously i hope it grows back,sorry Robert, its just it was like your look.
Your very own personal look that would be impossible for anyone else to look hot in. Still love ya though.
Oh mollie that last comment about he only being is nicley worded and so true though i don’t really agree with you on no one is perfect because he is!
P.s I love you Robert… I have watched the movie 27 times… never gets old… you and the cast did a great Job! Love ya!
Robert patttinson ruined his gorgeous hair so now he looks ugly!!!!!!!!!!! =[
I miss his old un kept looking hair! It was so dreamy,Sexy,Amazing,hot,and gorgeous!I know it’ll grow back but till then i have to look at his GI Joe buzz cut. No offense Robert, like i’ve said a thosand times, YOUR own look! YOURS!
still Love ya!
Ps. I am your biggest fan ever! EEEEPPPPPP! LOVE YA FOREVER!
I LOVE TWILIGHT! I COULD BE LIKE THE WRITER MYSELF BECAUSE I KNOW LIKE EVERYTHING INCLUDING ROBERT PATTINSON IS FREAKIN HOT,NO NOT HOT SEXY WITH HIS OLD LOOK!
hilarious. completely bashes any twihards and their love for the rape and pillage of any decent vampire lore. love reading the freakouts. the books are well written, but everything else about them and the movies suck. two thumbs up.
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