People only watch the Oscars for the red carpet fashion. This is because, deep down, everyone is a homosexual man.

But that poses a problem for us. This massive preoccupation with Oscars red carpet fashion leaves hecklerspray a little bit hamstrung – we didn’t send a photographer to the Oscars to take photos of the dresses, and we also don’t have enough money to pay the big picture agencies to use their red carpet photos.

However, this problem can be overcome with a little imaginative thinking. So join us after the jump for the first ever hecklerspray red carpet non-copyright gallery.

Oscars red carpet fashion has always been a bit of a thorny subject for hecklerspray. It’s one of the main reasons why people watch the Oscars in the first place – they certainly don’t watch to see Sean Penn drone on like a massive bore – but we’ve never had the resources to actually show any of the Oscars dresses to you.

Previously we’ve experimented with describing the dresses, but that didn’t work. Then we tried to be sarcastic about it and fell on arse again. But now, finally, we’ve come across the best way to tell you about the Oscars red carpet fashion even though it happened two days ago and you’ve already seen all the photos a million times before – the devilishly-accurate courtroom-style artist’s impression. Ready?

ANNE HATHAWAY

As you can see, Anne Hathaway brought a touch of old-school glamour to the Oscars red carpet with a shimmering Armani Prive gown covered in paillettes.

BEYONCE

As this picture perfectly demonstrates, Beyonce turned several heads on the Oscars red carpet with this daring House of Dereon number.

KATE WINSLET

Like a true fashion original, Kate Winslet combined a black embroidered Yves Saint Laurent gown with a coif to truly wonderful effect. This picture exactly reproduces her Oscar red carpet look.

REESE WITHERSPOON

Reese Witherspoon really set the cat amongst the Oscar red carpet fashion pigeons with this avant-garde Rodarte frock, which looked so much like this picture that it’s scary.

MILEY CYRUS

Miley Cyrus turned up the Oscars dressed like a poxy Christmas tree or something. Buggered if we know.

There, that should be your Oscars red carpet fashion taken care of for another year. But just in case you’re stupid and want to see some actual photos, Popsugar has an impressive large Oscars red carpet gallery.

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