One of Tiger Woods’s mistresses has got in trouble with the law. No, not that one. Or that one. Or that one.
Or that one. Or that one. Or that one. That one. No, wait, not that one. That one. Jaimee Grubbs. She’s been arrested. But why? Surely having sex with Tiger Woods isn’t illegal now – if it was, then there’d barely be any booby models with unnaturally blonde, suspiciously flammable-looking hair left.
Fortunately – for you at least, because you’re a human and are therefore statistically quite likely to have slept with Tiger Woods at one point or another – it’s not illegal. But what is illegal is driving with a suspended licence, and that’s what Jaimee Grubbs has allegedly been doing, and that’s why she’s been arrested. And, yes, this is a staggeringly quiet news day. How did you guess?
In their own ways, all of the Tiger Woods mistresses are finding their own way to stay in the limelight. Rachel Uchitel got her TV presenting job. Joslyn James keeps holding press conferences for all kinds of spurious reasons, we’ve heard rumours that Holly Sampson is keen to maximise on her new-found notoriety by rushing OMG Stop Tickling Me 2 into production, and your mum is bringing out a brand new range of hats. That’s right, we went there.
But that’s not the end of it, because Jaimee Grubbs – the Tiger Woods mistress who would be memorable for her loose morals, ridiculous breasts and vowel-heavy first name if that didn’t describe all of Tiger Woods’s mistresses – has managed to claw out a morsel of fame by getting arrested. Although, because the details of her arrest are mindblowingly tedious, we’ll let CNN explain them to you instead:
Jaimee Grubbs spent several hours in the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s West Hollywood jail until she was released early Thursday after she posted bail of $30,309, according the sheriff’s department. She was pulled over in West Hollywood by deputies who traced the tag on her 2004 Mustang and realized she had three outstanding warrants, all for previous driving-with-a-suspended-license arrests.
Three outstanding driving with a suspended licence arrest warrants? Why, you know what? We’re starting to believe that Tiger Woods has got a slightly less than exemplary taste in women. We can’t imagine how embarrassed he’ll be when he hears about this.
But still, we should look on the bright side here. Yes, Jaimee Grubbs might have been arrested for a number of vehicular offences, but at least she can count herself lucky that she isn’t married to Tiger Woods. After all, she’ll probably receive some kind of driving ban for these infringements, and that would mean having to rely on Tiger to drive her around. With his track record it’d only be a matter of days before they both found themselves wrapped around a tree. Or something.
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