First American Idol ditched Alexis Grace, now Megan Joy – thank God there’s no contestant called Barry Innocence.
Because if there was, he’d be a marked man. Last night Megan Joy became the latest contestant to be eliminated from American Idol. Why? Was it because she refused to conform to the reality TV stereotype? Was it because the American Idol judges couldn’t handle her profound level of truth?
No, it’s because two nights ago Megan Joy did her very best impression of a wounded lamb at an off-key, Rohypnol-informed Bob Marley karaoke party, and it was worse than death. Simple, really.
Although many of the other American Idol contestants have been more effective at grabbing the headlines – either because a) they’ve got a dead wife or b) because they like to interpret Johnny Cash songs by making orgasmy noises to the sound of snake charmer music or c) because their blindness allows the wardrobe department to cruelly toy with their appearance against their knowledge like some sort of malevolent God figures – Megan Joy was always the most controversial American Idol act of the year.
This was partly down to the fact that Megan couldn’t decide if her name was Megan Joy, Megan Corkrey, Megan Joy Corkrey or – in a rash move probably designed to up her chances with the American Idol judges – Celine Dion. It was also partly because, if you do a Google Image search for ‘Megan Joy’ with SafeSearch turned off, the first result is a still from a porno movie that apparently goes by the name of Ass Masterpiece.
But mainly it was because Megan Joy had the kind of singing voice that made you want to kill yourself – an off-kilter caterwaul that made her sound like a toddler crying for help from the top of a vibrating platform or, at the very least, Amy Winehouse going through an impossibly debilitating stroke. Really, Megan Joy was hopeless. We can’t overstate that enough.
Not that it matters any more, though, because last night Megan Joy got the heave-ho from American Idol, as Reuters reports:
“This is your swan song, enjoy it,” Cowell, who had called the performance boring, indulgent and monotonous, told Joy. He added they did not even need to hear her sing once more before deciding whether to keep her. Joy seemed consigned to her fate, saying “It’s OK” after host Ryan Seacrest revealed her fate. Smiling, even cheerful, she added, “Judges, I love you, America I love you, and baby, I’m coming home.”
You see, America? Even though the vast majority of you can’t stand her, Megan Joy still loves you. And it’s this unbeatable spirit that’s going to make Megan Joy a superstar in the Utah canned meat processing factory that she’ll probably end up working in before too long.
We wish you all the best, Megan Joy. But only if you promise to shh.
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MeganJoyless says
Megan had to go! She is just aweful! She has no joy in her, does not smile in her eyes and it cannot be covered up with all of that cherades and ink. So glad that she went… although Anoop has got to go too!